I need a bigger dictionary

Has it really been a week since my last post? I guess that's what happens when you are feeling a little under the weather. I guess my friends wedding had an effect on me.

I started reading The Six Pillars to Self-Esteem, and I must say that I find myself wanting a more In Depth dictionary. There are at least 3 words on every other page that I haven't a clue to what the meaning is. So I am finding it difficult to read. I guess I need buy a dictionary and one of those word a day calendars too. I can use just about anything that helps improve my vocabulary. To bad there isn't a panacea (yes this is one of the words) for all of my challenges (chose not to call them problems), then again if I did have one, life would be boring.

SO what have I been up to lately!

Nothing, but work!

Monday we had an audit of the store. Are department passed with a 100%. I was all worried because I had to take a quiz. You know how you build up a whole bunch of butterflies in your stomach because something big is about to occur, and you are afraid something bad like failure is imminent? Well maybe it doesn’t happen to you, but it sure does happen to me. My stomach felt like it was going to burst from the butterflies eating me alive, and I felt like I was going to mess everything up including the verbal part when they ask me what Title 31 is (in regards to money orders and Western Union). When it’s time for me to take part in the audit for my department, the auditor hands me the test and then he tells me to get a piece of paper. My heart is pounding, but not as much as I thought. Then he tells me to answer questions 10-14.

I’m like “WHAT”!

Only five questions, I got all worked up for five questions out of about 40.

What THE …

Then I find out I don’t even have to answer verbally or otherwise in regards to Title 31. I got all worked up for nothing.

I got all five questions right! We had the best score in the store. What a TEAM, What a TEAM!

Still I think I need to stop worrying about things and just wait and see. I’m hoping that The Six Pillars will help me to build up my self-esteem so I don’t worry so much, and believe in my abilities more. I don’t care if I have to learn the entire English language and then some; I am going to finish the book for my sake.

I’m ending this post the same way It began…By posing a question!

Would you “adjust” your underwear (tidy whitie’s, boxers, thongs, or panties) if you were in the eye of the public? (Bet you can’t wait for that post)

A prayer: I just need a nudge in the right direction

A conversation with God! A Prayer.

I went to my friend Shannon's wedding today. I was happy for her, but seeing her there made me question my life.

During my life I have had some ups and downs.

I have had good things like, the fact that I have always had my mom there, even though my siblings came along and needed her attention too. I love her, and I love my brother and my sisters. I would do anything for them, I would gladly give my life for them. You have also blessed me with my first nephew. I love him and his smile. He is so clever and smart for seven months. I have had shelter food, love and support from my family and I am grateful.

Even though I have had these good things, the bad ones always seem to outweigh the good. I had an abusive man, that in many ways more of a father figure to me than my dad was, because he was around more than my father. I had kids picking on me, because of the clothes I had and because my family was poor. The few friends I had either always left, or hurt me in some way. When I was in the fourth grade, I had a classmate once who was nicer to me than any of the others. She smiled at me and I would smile back. She had this way of rolling back her foil covering on her school lunch that made me think of royalty. When I told her this she laughed and smiled. She didn't care that I was a smelly kid. If she did she never talked about me or laughed at me while I was present. I had a crush on her, and one day I came to school, I found out she had died in a fire. I didn't know exactly what death was. The first loss I ever had was my grandmother Janie. She died from cancer when I was seven or eight. All I new is that I would never see her again.

My "friend" Jermaine and his cousin Calvin used to torment me, and get me into trouble. Calvin used to always instigate fights between Jermaine and me. I would end up being hurt the most, because I was alone. Back then it was all about fighting. I just wanted someone to play with, someone to be my friend (still do today). Jermaine was the "leader" and I was the "follower". He convinced me to steal things, and I would go along with it. One time he stole a Bee bee gun from Kmart and brought it home without his mom being the wiser. One day after school, we were riding our bikes around his grandmother's (who was also my babysitter after I got kicked out of daycare) neighborhood. He had the bee bee gun in his coat. A sentry from our school was driving by and he pulled over across from us, told us to come to his car and took the bee bee gun from Jermaine. After that we high tailed it on our bikes and went to his grandmother's house as fast as we could, so we wouldn't get caught.

That's not even the worst of it. Before we got caught with it, Jermaine and I and my brother Jevon (who was a toddler at the time) was in Jermaine's room with the bee bee gun, and we were fiddling with it. I don't remember how it unfolded, but that night a bee bee hit my brother Jevon in his mouth and chipped his front tooth. I was surprised that Jermaine was smart enough to hide the bee bee gun, and we never got in trouble for hurting Jevon. I don't know what was worse, the fact that we were able to hide the truth, or the fact that my only concern was that I didn't get whipped. I feel ashamed about it, I wish that I had got hit and lost part of my tooth.

It all came to a head when my so called friend asked if he could borrow my Mike Tyson's Punch-Out video game for the Nintendo Entertainment System. Me being lonely and wanting friends; let Jermaine borrow my game. I never saw it again. I tried to ask my mom if she could ask his mom (mother's best friend) if he could get her to make her son give me my game back. My mom told me that it was between me and Jermaine, and that if I wanted it back, I would have to tell his mom myself. I didn't though, I just went to the source of my problem. What does Jermaine do, he gives me a game without the cover on it and says its mine. I go home to play it, and it turns out to be the Duck Hunt/Super Mario Brothers game that came with the NES when you buy it. It infuriated me, I hated him with a passion. I never trusted him again, and I never spoke with him.

Years later when I was in High School, I prayed that you take the most important possession to me, (which was my stereo) and give me a best friend in it's place. You did just that, and she meant the world to me. I loved her, but she didn't feel the same way. I was younger than her, and to her I was one of the "girls". One day we were in Spanish Class and I got involved in some gossip about her, and I wouldn't say what was spoken about her. She and I got into a argument, and I called her a bitch. After that, nothing was the same, we grew further and further apart, and eventually I got kicked out of my house and I had to move with my father. This resulted in me having to leave my High School because I was moving outside of the Rochester City School District. She ended up moving too, she moved to Jacksonville Florida, and I ended up getting only three letters from her. I wrote her two more times. Never heard from Pon Again. It was my fault, I regretted hurting her and I miss her.

As I was growing up, I had people talking about me, saying that I wasn't cool, that I was ugly. I didn't fit in anywhere. I didn't listen to the same music. I didn't have the same interests. People saying I wasn't black, or that I was gay. They don't know how I feel, they don't know what my sexual preference is because they didn't ask. SO WHY CAN'T THEY JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! Why can't I just find some peace. Am I not entitled to be happy, am I not entitled to just live my life. I want to get married someday, raise my 2.3 kids, and own a couple of dogs. I have always wanted a dog. I regretted neglecting my second dog. I would take it back if I could. She was taken from me and so was my first dog.

I'm not like other guys, so it's hard for me to relate. Some of the things I hear coming out of these guys today, kind of offends me. The way they talk about women, and such. I can't relate to that sort of thing. I guess maybe I am one of those "Effeminate" males that think women should be treated equally and with respect.

My self-esteem has been so low that I feel like I don't deserve to exist. Sometimes I just lie in bed wondering if I have a purpose in life. I always think of the bad and not the good. I always take the easiest path or at least the one without the risk. Every time I see a woman that I am attracted to, I turn my head because I am nervous. I feel that she wouldn't want me, because I am insecure. I feel that I am not worthwhile, because of the things I witnessed my "stepfather" do to my mother when I was a kid. I would love to just live my life like there was no tomorrow.

I was so much more independent when I was a kid. I never lost my keys, not once. I even used to walk home from school, and the age of five. Now I am afraid to leave the house at times. I feel trapped. Afraid that someone is going to talk down on me. When I do leave, I put my headphones on and blast my MP3 player so I don't hear what people are saying.

I am feeling lonely right now. Like I said, I have had some ups and downs, but the downs have hurt so much more than the ups helped. It has made me untrusting, cold, lonely, unhappy, and yearning for companionship....For Love! I want to take risks. I want to get up tomorrow, and go to work without my headphones and talk to people. I want to tell them how I feel, what I like, and what I dislike. I want to hear there stories, and I want to share mines. I don't have to be rich, I don't want to be famous. I am not greedy, I am just needy. I just want to live comfortably and happily ever after.

Please all I need is just one push!

Updates and Thanx and Such

I was supposed to do a some of these updates weeks ago, one of which was two days before my birthday.

1st

I don't know if ya'll remember when I went out on a mission to keep the change that people didn't want. Well, it didn't work out. I ended up with a dollar and twelve cents. So I couldn't prove a point with that, but I will be able to prove a point with the change I kept from my dough.

2nd

For Moksha (she asked me to give an update about this awhile back) I made a new template for the overage/shortage sheet at work for my boss lady. When gave it to her she was delighted. I was hoping that it would make me feel at least a little bit like I belong up there, but nothing changed. I don't know what to do, other than leave the department. I don't think its all them, I think its partly my way of thinking. I think I am not thinking this through clearly. Which brings up my...

3rd

I want to thank Chris for telling me about "The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem". I bought the book this week and I am looking forward to reading it. I noticed something though, I would have been better off buying it at Amazon.com rather than Borders Bookstore. I would have saved $5.95 if I bought it online. I haven't read much of it yet, because I have been working and getting ready for my friends wedding. A lot of the things Nathaniel Branden said in his book made sense to me so far. My illusions in regards to love: The vignettes he had about what we see and what is real, really opened my eyes. I think it may help me! I may have to pimp Chris' blog next.

4th

Noticed Something??? I took Ablah's picture of me off of the About Me Section and replaced it with a real picture. My sister felt embarrassed of her drawing, so I had to respect her wishes. I loved it, but she either never see how genuine my feelings are, or she just doesn't care.

5th

I put up a poll in my journal asking everyone, if they think I should buy a car. The results are below. It was close, but 41% of the 29 people that participated think I should get a car, and that is what I intend to get. Rather than walking and catching the bus everyday. I like walking, but I can't constantly walk on my bad foot. I hurts too much sometimes.



6th (and final)

The Pimp Joint is free, anyone who wants to hang there, has to do something that catches my attention. Ari not only helped me find some of my favorite video game songs, but she also was the only person to take the time out and find Charldo. I didn't expect anyone to do this and she surprised me. Who will be the next person to hang at the joint. I have a front runner already in mind, but its still possible for you get in contention.

Well, I'm off to do some blogmad surfing and then get ready for my friends wedding tomorrow.

Until Monday

Enjoy Your Weekend!

I am desperate, and I am reaching out!

I wrote a previous post about my friend Shannon and her fiance getting married this month. I was looking for suggestions for a gift. Well here I am, with three days left until the wedding and only today as the only shopping day. I have to work late the rest of the days up until the wedding.

I am asking

Begging

For any and every suggestion(s) from everyone in blogland and J-land, Including you surfers on blogmad. I am looking for something useful.

For the record she already has a George foreman grill. She suggested that I get one.

She doesn't have a wedding registry, so that idea is out the window too.
Any other ideas, I am all ears.

Sincerely,

Desperately Seeking Wedding Gift

P.S.

The wedding is Casual, I need tips on what to where too, as I don't know exactly what that means.

I bet you take something for granted

Think About It!

We have a number of things that we take for granted, and not realize it. If you were teleported to the 18th century, do you think you would stand a chance? Would you be able to tolerate the scorching heat? Would you be able to live without a "Extra Value Meal"?

Where did my internet connection go????

I know there are people in other countries who don't have some of the things we have, in some cases some of them don't have any possessions.

Can you imagine if out of the blue, some kind of electromagnetic pulse swoops over the Earth and wipes every piece of technology out.

What would you do?

First: I would flip out and start cursing.

Second: I would start crying and complaining.

Third: I would go into some kind of insane convulsion on the ground, with my left eye twitching, while I am "walking" on one side in circles.

What's that saying? Like a chicken with it's head cut off.

If you think you could survive it, think again!

PICTURE THIS!

A young man comes to work one morning and all of the phones are out! The young man thinks this to be a good thing, until he realizes that there are other things that depend on the phone line(s).

He finds out that he can't do any Western Union Money Transfers!
He finds out that he can't do any Utility Payments!
He finds out that he can't print out any Money Orders!
He finds out that he can't Cash any Payroll Checks!
MORE IMPORTANTLY!
He finds out that he can't use the page to call a manager over the intercom if an emergency turns up, or if a customer wants to speak to one. He also can't call a department to ask a question either?

Who is he???

He is Me!!!

The four Processes are very important at the desk. They bring in a lot of money, and hopefully customers that want to shop. Unfortunately, I had to turn a number of people away.

As far as the paging issue, I had to walk around the store looking for managers, department heads, and clerks when a question, request or a problem arose. Unfortunately this didn't even happen as much as I wanted it to.

(Wait a minute, did he say Unfortunately?)

Yes I did!

We get killed with phone calls sometimes. I once had four people call in a matter of seconds. So you'd think I would be appreciative of the break but...

I was bored as....

All I could do is just sit and do nothing! I sold mostly stamps and Lotto, but this happened in gaps. It finally got to the point where I went into a tiny lapse of insanity, and started singing Miniature Disasters, by KT Tunstall! Well at least part of the Chorus

Miniature disasters and minor catastrophes
Bring me to my knees
Well I must be my own master
Or a miniature disaster will be
It will be the death of me

I ended up cleaning up the desk before the convulsing and twitching began.

We had a few people come into the store and ask if our Phone lines were down (including an employee). They said that they had been calling all day. Someone told me That the phone lines were out since last night around 8pm. They were out until about 2pm today, and I was actually happy to hear it when it finally wrung again. When the phones started working again, our corporate office called to inquire as to why we weren't answering our calls. I guess we were getting a lot of complaints. At one point I was so bored, I wanted to play hang man with my co-worker when she got to work.

Heck, I was happy to empty a plastic bottle machine!

Which side?

I have been away from my journal for a few days, and while I was gone, a battle of sorts ensued. I got seven or eight emails in regards to this battle, two of which were from the "Big Guns". One asked me if I would like to join in on the Roast (as Chris so eloquently put it), and the other asked me which side I was on.

Which side I'm on...Hmmmmm???

That is a good question, That is THE Question!

In order for me to answer it, I have to first explore a comment that Chris made regarding me. And I quote, "And Charles....he acts WAY too nice, I think maybe he is hiding something".

Maybe I am.

I admit that when we do one of these gang up posts, I take the Mi'hen Highroad. I had fun without the torture. If I unloaded, it wouldn't be pretty, and I would lay waste to all of your roasty toasty posties. I am like Jean Grey, you don't want me to lose control and unleash the Dark Phoenix! It would be a horrible, horrible thing to do.

Whose side am I on???

Lets see

Omar<-------C------->Ari

The letter C is me!

I am like a dog who has two owners calling for it at the same time, and it doesn't know which one to run too (Here Rover, come here boy {whistle}).

They both have done something for me.

The Good
They both invited me to join in on these roasts.
Ari helped me find Final Fantasy X songs.
Omar has made me laugh on numerous occasions.

The Bad
They both have spelled Amel Larrieux's name wrong. (it's not spelled a-m-i-e-l it's AMEL).

I say they are about even, so how do I settle this???

Everyone in the battle must write a comment: 200 words or less. Whomever writes the best one, " may" get me to join there side.

Am I evil, or kind. Heck I am neutral!

Fett For Hire!

What's up with all of this Star Wars Stuff! I should say Ferengi For Hire, but the Ferengi are ugly creatures.

I know what to write about when I lose my muse.

My muse and I have seem to have been separated.

I got nothing.

Well I have pictures of animals that I took at our Zoo. And a monkey's and Elephantss Butts amongst the pictures. Hey, hey, the monkey turned at the last minute that one wasn't my fault. Anyhoo I just don't feel like touching my camera right now. It's broke, and I am a little heated about that.

I don't even want to think about it.

My muse isn't amused by our lack of unity.

I think I just received a connection, hold one sec . . . . . .

Here we are, I remember something now. LOL

A week ago I was thinking about poetry. I was thinking about how amazed with some of the poets that I read. Jodi and Rebecca being some of the best poetry writers I read. Then it occurred to me, I have a crush on a poet, and I never realized that she was a poet in the first place.

You know how when people listen to music and sometimes we can't understand what the artist is saying, so we end up singing what we think we hear. Well at least that is what I do. When I first got Amel's new album. I heard something entirely different than what she was saying, in three of her songs.

I like to sit and just listen to music, for hours on end (in fact I am listening to some right now). I always listen to the album first and try to memorize the lyrics, and then I go to the album credits and get the lyrics if available.

Two out of the three songs on her Morning album, that I misheard, WOWED me when I read the lyrics on her Website. I don't even know what I was exactly saying at first, but I know it was something totally different than what she was saying. When I read the two songs, (Morning, and Mountain Of When), I realized that they were poetry. Beautifully written poetry. Here are the lyrics from each song.

Morning-Amel Larrieux

night
passes slow
get up moon go, I can’t take it
my thoughts
weigh me down
and I’m prisoner to my blanket
cuz I’m thirsting for
the brilliance of the glorious return of
chorus
the morning

sleep
enter my body
I promise this time we won’t fight you
Dream
Come and reveal
what my mind won’t let me feel, I won’t deny you
bird
where have you gone
come and sing me your song, I won’t chide you
sun
come and crack open the sky
and let your golden light through
cuz I’m thirsting for
the brilliance of the glorious return of
chorus
the morning

fear
you’re not wanted here
hitch a ride with a tear wash away then
light
is what I yearn for
if its behind that door, then let me break it
chorus

Mountain Of When-Amel Larrieux

aim to be strong
fiddle with an arrow
the shot is too long
precision is not in my marrow
what's wrong
with me contentedly singing my own song
but not heard the music
the writings' on the wall
but i took the scenic route
and i can't call
the number's in the pocket of my jeans
through it all
talking the talk, running before i walk
missing the meaning
chorus
plotting the course
while i'm stuck at the bend
penchant for rocky terrain and dead ends
wind myself up just to unravel into a great,
mountain of when
"should've" is a place
i sometimes frequent
yet they know my face
better at "i can't"
but if there's a wait
"i will" is close by and "when" stays open late,
the menu is vast
chorus
predicting the loss
before i begin
so it don't cut too deep
when i don't win
not like it's working
for this clever lark
i can recite the story
behind every scar
predicting the loss
before i begin
so it don't cut too deep
when i don't win
i hate it when i'm right
much rather be wrong
i'd rather be wrong
chorus

My favorite parts of each song is highlighted in blue. They have meaning, they have value (to me), they are cleverly written to evoke a response, and I responded by getting very emotional. Amel is a great singer and a writer (I think her husband helped write it too). I think they did a great job on the album. It's a shame that people don't really "LISTEN" to the lyrics. Like I tried to explain to my sister Ablah, it's not all about the music. The words are what matter. You have to listen. Most songs are about love, cheating and begging. I don't even want to get into today's rap. That's not what Amel is about. Sure she does love songs, but she has also done songs about issues in this world. I say if you buy or listen to any an album, listen to the words, not just the music. Sure it's entertaining and all, but if your song has a nice beat and some great music, and the lyrics are lousy, is it worth it? Amel is a great Artist, and I think she is underated. I wish that more people would give her shot.

Left out in Rochester

I got to see the fireworks YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

I was going to put this up the same night I took them, but fatigue overtook my body, and I heard my bed calling me. Plus I had an incident with my camera. I dropped it! Hopefully the four year warranty that the clerk at best buy coerced me into buying has coverage for the second most clumsy camera owner of the world. You'd think I would have been angry. Well I was a little sad, but I was more less happy, because I got to see the fireworks for the first time in decades. The last time I saw them I was a kid. It was almost twenty years ago that I last saw them in person. I saw them from a distance, buildings in the way and such. So seeing the fireworks in downtown Rochester, near there source, was bitter sweet to me. It may have cost me a digital camera, but I say it was worth it. I dropped it while I was uploading everything to my computer. Hopefully it's just the LCD screen.

I even captured some video with my camera. I recorded two parts of the fireworks show. I got the mid point and the exciting ending to the show. I hope that you like, I know hundreds of other people enjoyed it along with a dog. If your lucky, you can here me say, "That's awesome". Oh I forgot to mention that I saved the ending to Youtube and I am adding it here. Forgive me though, I don't have a steady hand like Steven (man I wish I had his talent), and I wanted to see the fireworks with my own eyes. It's still good though if I do say so myself.

Enjoy!

P.S. You should see the fireworks that my sister Ablah provided for us last year. (us being Ablah and me) LMAO

Her "fireworks" Are below, the link to the original post is above.





4thinTheRoc

Twirling along the edge of a volcanic eruption

Okay I know how everyone thinks I'm nice and everything, but there is this side of me that is just aching to be unleashed. I'm sure that everyone has this side in one shape or form, and more or less intense than mines. I bet there are people who even have more restraint than myself. I was just surprised that I kept it in check. My Twisted Angry Side, My Mr. Hyde, My Incredible Hulk (without the super strength and invulnerability).

I tell you I had a rough day, and if my mind was anything like someone with a multiple personality, the angry side of me would have come out and went ballistic on these people. Behind every annoying customer, there was a smart remark, begging to be spoken.

There was this woman that wanted Orange juice. She couldn't walk to get it herself, so I volunteered to get them for her. Okay there are several brands of OJ right. She managed to merge reality into one, and ask for "Florida's Tropicana Natural" orange juice with pulp. I kept asking her which kind, Florida's natural, or Tropicana? I couldn't get the right answer, so I went to have a look see, and try and get the one on sale. I couldn't find any pulp, and it was busy at the desk, so I headed back, and called for some help. I had the cart attendant look, because two sets of eyes are better than one. I made sure that I told him that she wanted pulp in Her OJ. He comes back with Florida's Natural Original. When I tell him that he got the wrong one, the lady says, that he has the right one.

"You must have pulp for brains lady"

Then these two guys come in to return glass bottles. One guy (a wannabe Eminem) is obviously drunk or high. After I get through counting there bottles, I go and help customers at the desk. Ten minutes later the guys come in and say they lost their keys (this month's theme I guess), and they want me to check the barrels that I tossed the glass bottles into. I literally had to go and get an empty barrel and take bottles out of the barrels in question, and put the glass into the empty one. I laughed on the outside, but one the inside I just want to throw the glass at them, or make them risk cutting there own (expletive deleted) hands on the shards of broken glass. When I was done, I found nothing, but broken glass.

They leave and come back. Now they want me to check the inside of a can machine. I'm wishing the freakin' "Pepsi Machine" has a distant Recycling Machine" cousin, that would come out of nowhere and drop these two guys. How the heck do you expect a can machine to eat your keys and expect them to still be in one piece? More importantly, How the heck do you put your freakin' keys into a recycling machine (I'm so close to making this an A.I.T.T. Expletive Mode Post).

First of all if you are coming to do any kind of manual labor, you better come sober.

Second, if you put your keys in that machine, they are going to get crushed, so looking in the machine is going to be really, really pointless.

Third, I am not responsible for your dumb drunk ass! Maybe if you'd stop drinking all of those Labatts and Budweisers your freakin' brain cells would muster enough strength to give you some kind of common sense so that you wouldn't have lost your keys in the first place!

Fourth, If you are lucky, then maybe you locked them in the trunk.
If not then you are S.O.L.!

See how my evil side emerges! I'll tell you one thing I feel much better now!

Amazed and Dumbfounded

At work

Saying Wednesday was interesting would be an understatement. First let me just say that it seems like it was meant for me to experience that day, during the specific time period. I was originally scheduled to work at 7am-3:30pm (I actually started at 1pm to keep the same amount of hours), but the closer (3:30pm-9:30pm) got strep throat and everyone else couldn't or didn't want to work that shift.

First up:

A woman goes to the Ladies room to relieve herself. Somehow, and somewhere between sitting down and getting up she, managed to lose her keys. The amazing thing is that she new exactly where they were and she didn't see or here it happening. When I heard about this I was simply amazed that this happened. You know where they fell???

In the toilet!

How can you squat and loose your keys into the toilet. I sat there at the desk trying to figure this out, and I couldn't. First of all you shouldn't have them in your hands, because (this may sound a little gross) you will be wiping. Second, if you don't have pockets where else are you going to put them....

Women have purses, right??



The M.O.D. had to call Mr. Rooter to come in and get them out. Sure enough the plumber pulled the keys out using a snake. Then he supposedly cleaned them off, and brought them to the desk in a plastic bag. I didn't touch them. I was surprised to see that the car remote starter was still working.

Second: (same day)

We recently got some new cashiers. They completed there training and such, and finally they were put on register. They thought everyone was doing fine, until a customer came up to the desk and told us that she thinks that one of the cashiers didn't scan some of her groceries. Some of her groceries, being two bags worth about $22.00. So we think it's an isolated incident, and we tell the person in charge on the front end. An hour later it happens again, and this time it's not as much. Again we make it known that the cashier is making this error, and the person in charge does there best to get this girl to pay attention to what she is doing. Then it happens again, but this time it is in the customers favor, because she doesn't want the item anyways. Again I tell the person in charge, and he literally has to put a more experience cashier by her side to keep an eye on her.

Fast forward to the end of my shift. I am in the cashier's line, waiting to buy some dinner. I have a woman ahead of me, buying a few items. The cashier rings up something at 99 cents (you know where this is going right), and then swipes another item across the scanner. I just sat there and shook my head in my hand and didn't say a thing. The total was still 99 cents and she says this to the customer. Then the customer says, "there is something wrong, it should be more than that" (still shaking my head). Then the cashier says, "oh", and she takes the item out and scans it.

There is a song by Crystal Waters called "Listen For My Beep".

I think she needs to here it's chorus, because she really needs to listen for the registers beep!


At home


First up:

It has been brought to my attention that the creator of the artwork in my about me section isn't happy that I put it there. Ablah told me that she feels embarrassed that I put the picture there. I tried to explain to her that I did it because I loved the picture and that it was my way of showing affection, and thinking about her. A "portrait" if you will. In any case the picture will be coming down eventually, I just have to figure out what I am going to put there. I take such lousy pictures!

Second:

About three weeks ago, I watched the Tonight Show, with Jay Leno. On the show he had an Artist named KT Tunstall. I was impressed with her song Black Horse and the Cherry Tree. I was even more impressed (amazed) with her performance. While she was playing a guitar, she was also stomping on a tambourine, while she was playing another instrument in her mouth (when she wasn't singing). I went out on my next day off and bought her album. Right now the first song on the album is my favorite. It's called "Other side of the World". She's not Amel, but she got some skillz.

Will the owner of this butt please stand up!

I received a mission yesterday from the SBO (Secret Brother Organization).
I was told that somewhere on the planet Uranus lies a secret weapon.
I was told that I must find the clues.
I was told in order to get to Uranus I had to look at this picture to find the clues.
I was told that it was IMPERATIVE that I look at this butt.
I was told "As always, should you or any of your Blogging IM force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Brother".

Then I had black smoke in my face.

What can I say, what couldn't I say I had to accept this mission although it was a difficult one. So I stared at the picture for a long time, and I couldn't help but stare because the butt is a secret weapon of some kind. I wasn't given any specifics, but there were clues in the email. But there is one thing puzzling me, why does this butt look like some form of abstract art. I guess it doesn't matter ass (I meant as) long I can see that it's a nice butt, I can't tell if she is slightly bent over trying to flaunt one of her best assets, or if someone just cut the rest of her body out of the picture because they were just trying to check out the Derriere while taking the shot.

In any case I was getting away from the subject. I stared and stared and stared, until finally something hit me... We have no way of reaching Uranus, let alone breathing and tolerating the cold (-360 Deg. F) So I gave up searching and just stared at the butt.

Hey Guys, Whose Butt am I looking at anyways...Uh Guys???

Ari
Chuck
Jodi
Omar
Stephaine
Rebecca

I've got a big washer Full of soap here....Oh Yes!

My first day back to work was okay. It was rather quiet at one point but eventually the bottle returns changed all of that, and by the time it was over my ankle was hurting and swollen to the size of a baseball. Speaking of work, do you remember this post, about the "Incident" involving my work shirt and an unknown bird bomber. Well I went to the Laundromat on my vacation and washed my work shirt.

BY ITSELF!

Apparently my subconscious lulled me into really getting that sucker cleaned. I mean Clean! I was under the impression that I put just enough detergent in the washer, but I put a little too much....



Somewhere in there lies my shirt...I think! I guess I REALLY needed to get rid of the bird cooties! During my vacation I did a number of things. My birthday which happened to fall on Father's Day, also happened to be during my vacation. What did I do, I went and got a new MP3 Player. It sounds excellent, and it can hold up to 4000 songs. It may not have as much space as the Ipod, but at least it holds 3500 more songs than my other MP3.

I was pretty much sad on my birthday. I didn't do much of anything. Later on that night I went online to look for something to make me laugh, and I found it. I went to one of my favorite websites newgrounds.com. I went and found this hilarious flash animation and song that just doesn't make any sense. I like things like that, but not in my movies though. It's called Crabs, and if you want to see it, make sure you have the Adobe flash player (formerly Macromedia). If you don't have it you can get it here. Also, if you don't have a fast internet connection, it will take a long time to see it. I personally think it's worth the wait though. It cheered me up on my birthday. I was cracking up when I saw it! I must warn you that Newgrounds has some questionable content on there site, however it's not a lot. If you want to see it elsewhere you can see it here at Weebls Stuff. Just don't drink or eat anything while watching this. Especially Crabs!

My attempt at poetry

My mind is drawing a ___________
My mind needs some exercise
My mind is playing tricks on me
My mind is looking to the blue sky


I feel lonely
I feel tired
I feel "tired"
I feel tears


When I wake up, I wish for a good day
When I wake up, I think of the past
When I wake up, I wish for memory loss
When I wake up, I miss...


I am not supposed to
listen to Rock because of my skin color
I am not supposed to
Cry because I am man
Am I not supposed to just Be


Heart
Broken by what one sister said to the youngest
Yearning
For an answer to all of the questions plaguing me
Seeing
My nephew is seeing into the future
Light
Is what I am scratching and clawing for
Happiness
is ultimately what I seek


I can't grasp
the concept
LIFE
How is one supposed to LIVE
Without further Ado
Oops Forgot the Manual
Welcome
time to Eat
Force Fed this Reality
Not Palatable to me

Definition (lonesome)

Word: Lonesome

Meaning- sad from being alone: feeling sad, or causing a feeling of sadness, because of being alone

This is how I am feeling right now. You want to know whose fault it is? It's my own fault. I hold my feelings back afraid that someone will turn around and use them against me. I don't trust anyone because I once let my guard down and people took advantage of me.

I'm afraid!

You can call it cowardice, you can call me a fool. Who knows maybe the people who called me these things are right.

Today I went and I saw the movie Click. It's the new Adam Sandler movie about a "universal remote control" that allows people to control things in there surrounding enviroment. It is a pretty good movie. Without going into details let me just say that by the end, I felt like Sandler's character.

In Hollywood there is the twist leading to the Happily Ever After!

In real life...

I felt like I took things for granted, and I wish I hadn't missed out on so many aspects of my life. I let my fear control and dominate me. I think it's kind of ironic that one of the people who hurt me most, tried to convince me to live my life. I can't go back get what I have missed out on.

I also feel like if I let someone get to know me, they will end up eventually hating me. I once heard everyone saying, "Charles you are a good person", and you know what, I turned it around and made it into something negative. If I am such a good person, why do I often have to deal with people saying bad things about me. How I dress, my taste in music, my taste in television, my taste in food, why does this even matter? Even if I did get over these feelings, I wouldn't even know where to begin. I am not good at starting conversation. I'm not smart like most of the bloggers I see out here, and I definitely don't have writing abilities like two of my favorite reads. Sometimes I feel like I lack something "special".

Just to feel a sense of belonging. I wish I could say I knew what that felt like.

I think turning a year old has affected me a little.

Happy Fathers Birthday

0

Today is a big day! For all of the fathers out there today, they will have breakfast in bed, dinner at restaurants, presents, and some TLC. It's a good day for fathers, but you know what, it's supposed to be a big day for me.

All of you fathers out there have robbed me of my birthday. This was supposed to be my day. Now I can't go out to any restaurants, because they will be packed. I probably won't be able to get a seat in a movie theatre either, unless I want to go see Garfield 2, which I don't. What do I do then, I guess I could go shopping, but if I have learned anything about holidays, its that there is always last minute shoppers. I swear if I hear, "are you buying this for your father" the cashier won't live to see tomorrow. If they are lucky I will do what the blogger formerly known as Mad Secretary suggested to me ( I think I may use this today Emily).

Seriously what do I plan to do on this father's birthday (which by the way happens every seven years)? I plan to buy a squirt gun and squirt every dad I see. That or buy a new MP3 player and a few movies. I really want a new car, a zoom lens for my camera, some new clothes, a new computer, and a winning lotto ticket for at least one million dollars. You think that's possible, probably not...

Anyways I'm 13 now, and I don't feel any younger. Did I say 13, I meant I am 31 now and I don't feel any older. I can't believe it. I never thought I'd see the day when I'd make it to 24. Being the age of 31 is a blessing. I was so depressed when I was a teen and I thought I would end up commiting suicide. I remember my 12 grade English teacher saying that a young black male is lucky to make to 24. Him and I had a heated discussion because I refused to believe his statistic. Then it wouldn't leave my head and it ended up embedded in my memory. I guess I am lucky huh.

I wanted to make this birthday a special one, but I have no idea what I can do, that the father's aren't doing.

Shopping it is!

Here is a video by Mondo Grosso featuring "You Know Who". If you don't know who I am talking about you should read my journal more. I feel it's kind of relative to "growing".




If you notice to two kids at "six year olds" walking, then they eventually get to someone at "sixteen years old", and finally someone "a little older than before". I think it's a cool video concept, and a beautiful song performed by Amel Larrieux.

If there is anyone else celebrating a birthday out there. Happy Birthday to you, and to all of you fathers out there. Happy Father's day.

Say "AA"

1

Hey everyone. I was reading an article in the Democrat and Chronicle way back when that said that Rochestarians (like me), speak funny. I'll it post here!

Vowels speak volumes among 'funny-talking' Raachesterians


Greg Livadas
Staff writer


(March 16, 2006) We may not know it, we may deny it and we might even be embarrassed about it, but a Pennsylvania linguist insists we talk funny in Raachester.

William Labov, a linguistics professor at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, calls our dialect the "northern city shift," claiming we say our vowels a bit more oddly than other parts of the country.

"In all of western New York state, words with the letter 'A,' such as 'man,' 'Stan,' they shift and you begin to say the vowel of 'yeah,' " Labov says.

And there are twists to our pronunciation of other vowels. When we say "desk," others may hear us say "dusk."

In many parts of the country, the words "cot" and "caught" sound identical. Not in Rochester. And, to our credit, the dictionary denotes a subtle difference.

Labov recently co-wrote Atlas of North American English: Phonetics, Phonology and Sound Change (available, with a CD, for $620 from Amazon.com). While mainly written for libraries and linguists, he hopes a less technical and less expensive version will follow.

"There's an awful lot of interest in it," he says.

Labov says the same pronunciation phenomenon occurs in Syracuse, Buffalo and Detroit, "but there's no question western New York is where it started."

Labov attributes our dialect to the building of the Erie Canal between 1818 and 1825, when people of various backgrounds came together to work.

"There were so many different varieties of language, they seemed to merge into a whole new dialect."

He says comedian Lily Tomlin, a native of Detroit, talks in a twang that clearly illustrates the northern city shift.

While there's a definite dialect in these parts, not everyone agrees with Labov about its origin.

Wolfgang Wolck, a distinguished professor of linguistics from the State University of New York at Buffalo, has studied speech in western New York for more than 30 years and discussed the region's pronunciation with Labov.

"Nobody talks funny here except for me because I'm German," Wolck says.

He admits the way we sound here differs from other parts of the country, but he calls the mutation the "Buffalo vowel shuffle."

Rochester residents, Wolck says, are known to speak with what he calls a "flat A."

"You say faaan-taaastic. Buffalonians call it a 'hard A.' A man's name is John, but sounds like a girl's name, Jan, in Buffalo."

He says the workers along the Erie Canal may have had some influence on the way we speak now, but immigrants settling to inland northern cities were a greater factor, which he calls an "ethnolect." The Irish, Italian, Polish and German populations settled in neighborhoods and were often segregated from the mainstream population and language.

The rural areas, outside the larger cities, didn't have such a strong dialect, he says. He says language was most affected in cities with a higher working-class (and less snobby) population, which tended to be less conscious of their speech.

He says the differences in dialect were more noticeable in 1970. Television has helped mainstream language. But Wolck sees that changing.

"The country is more diversifying than unifying," he says. "People are accepting those differences as part of the local flavor."

Labov agrees on that point. "Bigger, regional dialects are getting stronger, and more different from each other," he says. But rural dialects have gotten weaker, as have dialects in some other cities, including Cincinnati.

Ed Hall, president of the Greater Rochester Visitors Association, says it took more time learning the unusual pronunciations of some of our local communities, such as Charlotte, Chili, Lima and Avon, as well as the way we accent some of our syllables, such as "complimenTARY" versus "compliMENtary."

"I think that sort of thing is charming," says Hall, who maintains a Southern accent from his native Birmingham, Ala.

I think I speak normal, just like any other Native Rochestarian. You be the judge. Down below, this is an "Audio Blogger" audio sample of my voice posing the question. Listen and tell me if our accent sounds "normal" to you, or if we actually say "AA" instead of "O". If you think about it sometimes words with an O sound like "AA" doesn't it? Hmm, who knows? I'm, not an expert on accents, I just have one supposedly. I never got any complaints when I was in North Carolina, they just laughed when I said pop, instead of soda. Anyhoo, listen to my Audio post and tell me what you think. Until Tomorrow then!

Can you see me now...Good!

2

Well only 1 could find "Charldo" and only 1 will get nod. I was trying to lure people in to see how many would find me, but I'm not as popular as Waldo. Come to think of it, I had even less people searching for me than Carmen Sandiego. Anyways, the 1 person that took the time to find me is going to to get pimped on my journal, in a way I never did before. She found me, and I was kind of shocked. Not only is she going to be pimped in this post, but I have another idea involving my journal, inspired by blogexplosion. Who is she???

ARI!



I have to say that I really hate my senior yearbook. When I first got my year book, I went to the senior class picture page, opened it up and searched high and low, looking for myself in the senior class photo. I couldn't find myself! Finally I came up with the brilliant idea to look for people who had box-cuts. To my surprise I found me, but I wasn't happy with my shot in the photo.



See the kid on in the brown jacket? Do you see the kid who has his neck against the other kids crotch? Well, the guy with the brown jacket is on the other guy's shoulders(Worst possible torture) . Right above the kid with the brown jacket is a forehead with a box-cut.

That's me!

He wasn't even on that guy's shoulders until the last minute. When he climbed up there, I heard "ready and smile, Cheeeeeeese". I don't know how many pictures I took, but if you look in the Where's Charldo entry, you'd notice a girl standing by her lonesome to the right of us. I should have went and stood by her. She had the best spot if you asked me, even though her head was down. But noooooo, they wanted everyone together! How did she manage to get away from the group.

Did I mention that I hate my yearbook. Oh yeah, there is another reason too. For my senior portrait, I got to wear two distinct types of dress-up clothes. I had this old man, black and white, looking suit that my dad picked out. Then there was the of black pair dress pants with a red shirt and tie that I picked out. I wanted the latter in my yearbook. Either the school chose to use the "old man look", or the photographer made the error, because I remember what box I checked. It made me so upset, that I eventually threw my yearbook away. Somehow it managed to find its way back to me. Have know idea how? I didn't care about it, because I didn't have any friends there. I had fond memories at My other high school, but drama pulled me away from there, and from her...

Trying to help: One point at a time.

3

Three more days until I go on vacation.

I can't wait, I need a break from work.
I need to be free!

Kind of sounds like a song. Wonder how many copies I would sell. That is if I wasn't tone deaf.

Still, that is not what I have been counting down to in my journal.

Yesterday, when I was at work, my boss lady needed copies of her overage/shortage sheet. Honestly, I didn't know what it was until she explained it to me. It's daily list of shortages for the registers in the store. They have been using the same paper for quite some time now, and even that paper was a copy. It looked like it was begging to be shredded. So I decided to grant it's wish, and out of the blue the words, "I can make you a new one", popped out of my mouth. Part of me wanted to do this for her, because I wanted to contribute in some way.

I've seen so many others up there do things for the desk, and I was always left in the dark. People driving to other stores to get supplies, decorations for holidays and what not, helping in the office...Etc. I feel left out sometimes, because I am the only guy up there, and I am the only one that isn't married or about to be (for the record). I don't have anything to really talk about with them. I just want to fit in. I'm hoping maybe if I remake her overage/shortage sheet, it would help me to reach out and make me feel more useful.

I came home and jumped on the computer and typed up the new sheet. There was some trial and error, but I think I did a pretty good job. It looks way better than the multi-copied sheet that they were using now. I asked my mother for her opinion of my work, and she made it even better. She raised the header and footer, and gave me some more room on the page to lengthen the spaces in between each "paragraph". My mother and I: We got Skillz! I'm going to take it to work tomorrow and see what my boss lady thinks.

Cross your fingers

Recently I discovered that I have another obsession other than Amel Larrieux. Whenever I log on to the WWW, I end up logging on Blogmad to "Surf". I care about getting the credits used to make people see my blog while surfing, but I care even more about the stupid Blogmad ranking. I'm currently a Champion Blogmad surfer. I see the top ten surfers are Insane or Blogmad surfers, which are the two highest surfers (Blogmad being the highest). My obsession has taken me to an all new level, I am looking at it as if its a video game. I am trying my hardest to get to at least Insane (because i'm insane). I don't plan on dying like this character who was playing a video game in a CSI: Miami episode called Urban Hellraisers, and I won't be "playing" for seventy hours straight with only soda as my sustenance.

My obsession includes knowing how much time I have wasted while I was away from the computer. You have to wait 25 seconds before you can click a four digit number to get a credit and a surf point. I know how much time I waste while doing something other than surfing.

Getting my glasses: 1 blogmad surf point
Going to the bathroom: 4 blogmad surf points
Answering the door: 10 blogmad surf points
Writing this post: 60 blogmad surf points
working and eight hour day: 960 blogmad surf points
Knowing that I will never get in the top ten surfers: "Point"less

It's mission impossible, but I like impossible missions!

Why can't they have a page for the top 100 surfers, I think that is a much more attainable goal. Then again...

How can someone spend so much time to reach blogmad status? It seems very time consuming.

Baffles the mind!

4

I have seen some things that people did that just doesn't make sense. Here's something that happened today!

When you bring bottles to a store, your expected to bring them in clean. At my job this rule applies, but it isn't enforced. We don't have a bottle machine for glass, so people have to turn them in directly to us, so we can count them. Today one of our regulars returned her glass bottles. She and another woman with her, regularly walk around the neighborhood collecting bottles off of the ground and out of people's garbage. Now you'd think that she could read the sign and comprehend exactly what we are trying to convey to people. The sign says that we do not take dirty bottles, and that they have to be cleaned. Her bottles are obviously filthy, and she knows this. You know why I know she knows, because she started cleaning them.

Yep

Not with water, with something she thinks is sanitary. A plastic bag that she had her bottles in. She was just wiping them with the bag. The outside may have been somewhat cleared of debris and such, but the inside...

cigarettes, ants, and dirt Oh MY!

On the outside I was sort of smiling, but on the inside, I was yelling. Sometimes I wonder how do people rationalize there behavior.

What's up with me and birds lately

5

My mom will probably never admit this now. Heck she probably don't even remember it, but when I was a kid and I did something stupid or bad, she made reference to what was considered one of the dumbest animals ever on Earth.

She called me a Dodo Bird.

I didn't know at the time what it meant, but I knew that it was something negative, so it made me feel sad. In fact it affected me once so bad, that when I went to sleep one night I had a nightmare.

I dreamt that I was out side playing with two of my cousins, and all of a sudden birds started flying out of nowhere. Dodo's couldn't fly, but I didn't know that as a kid. The looked more like seagulls in my dream now that I think about it. I remember thinking that I should run, because if I didn't they would drop there doodoo on me and turn me into one of them (resistance is futile, the first Borg). My cousins and I scattered. When I say that there were a lot of "DoDo's", I mean there were a lot of them. Bird crap was falling from everywhere, and I managed to get away, but my cousins and other people didn't.

As time went on I heard stories about how people would become "victims" to bird droppings. One guy said he got it on his head. I swore up and down that this would never happen to me. I avoided birds at all cost, when they were flying over my head. Sometimes I would even run to get past birds that were a threat. Seagulls are the main culprits that were a threat. There would be hordes of them at the beach or at Market Place mall, searching for food. A year ago I had to dodge and weave seagulls while I was walking to work, because they were flying low within the entire area of a business called Harris and Humboldt St. Just like the birds in my dream.

Yesterday I was walking home from work, and I was kind of zoned out. I noticed a crow on the ground. I guess it noticed me too, because it flew up on a roof, which is hanging above the sidewalk I was walking on. The stupid crow was perched in a way that it could drop a bomb on me. I laughed thinking it wouldn't happen, and it didn't because it flew away before I started to walk underneath the roof.

That Bird didn't get me But....

Somewhere between The McDonald's near my house and me reaching my street it finally happened to me. Some "Stupidus Birdus" dropped a bomb on my work shirt. I noticed it when I was walking down my street. At first I said what else could happen to me, then I checked my head for "Crapitus Fecesus". Luckily my head didn't fall victim, but my pride did.

The Day Before: My Fly
Yesterday: Bird Crap
Today: Who Knows

One things for sure, I'm tempted to call in sick. Could this be the Week of Humiliation for me?

Reason #1 to get a car!