Friday, June 23, 2006

Definition (lonesome)

Word: Lonesome

Meaning- sad from being alone: feeling sad, or causing a feeling of sadness, because of being alone

This is how I am feeling right now. You want to know whose fault it is? It's my own fault. I hold my feelings back afraid that someone will turn around and use them against me. I don't trust anyone because I once let my guard down and people took advantage of me.

I'm afraid!

You can call it cowardice, you can call me a fool. Who knows maybe the people who called me these things are right.

Today I went and I saw the movie Click. It's the new Adam Sandler movie about a "universal remote control" that allows people to control things in there surrounding enviroment. It is a pretty good movie. Without going into details let me just say that by the end, I felt like Sandler's character.

In Hollywood there is the twist leading to the Happily Ever After!

In real life...

I felt like I took things for granted, and I wish I hadn't missed out on so many aspects of my life. I let my fear control and dominate me. I think it's kind of ironic that one of the people who hurt me most, tried to convince me to live my life. I can't go back get what I have missed out on.

I also feel like if I let someone get to know me, they will end up eventually hating me. I once heard everyone saying, "Charles you are a good person", and you know what, I turned it around and made it into something negative. If I am such a good person, why do I often have to deal with people saying bad things about me. How I dress, my taste in music, my taste in television, my taste in food, why does this even matter? Even if I did get over these feelings, I wouldn't even know where to begin. I am not good at starting conversation. I'm not smart like most of the bloggers I see out here, and I definitely don't have writing abilities like two of my favorite reads. Sometimes I feel like I lack something "special".

Just to feel a sense of belonging. I wish I could say I knew what that felt like.

I think turning a year old has affected me a little.


Chelle said...

1. I doesn't matter how you dress, what music you listen to, what you like to eat..... Ok perhaps the dressing thing could be, IF you put on a pink tutu and go to a 5 star fancy smancy sit down place to eat withOUT pantyhose... LOL @ that visual of you... LOL LOL LOL


3. You have nummay lips... LOL

4. You ARE smart and CAN write... If you were boring and stupid I would not read or respond to you ever!!!

5. You let squirls into your attic to ruin everything. (that is way nice) LOL

6. Getting a year older makes you what? 31 now? you are still a baby!

7. The right person will stick around no matter HOW hard you try to push them away, and will make you happier then words can be typed.

8. I typed a book..... LOL


DesLily said...

utoh.. you are beginning to sound like me! Good lord Charles you keep it up and you'll turn into me! (only you'd be an old worthless male instead of female).. you are way to young for such thoughts!!
"happy" is a big thing to try and keep. If you are happy listening to a certain (lady's) music.. then be happy.. to hell with what others think.. if you are happy dressing for comfort instead of "style".. then dress for comfort. You attract others like yourself.. this is no matter who you are. If you try to be someone else, you will attract that sort of person.. i say, be yourself and others like you will stick around and be your friends.

Jeannette said...

You write well Charles! It doesn't matter what people think about what you wear, what music you like etc. These people aren't true friends. Sorry I missed your birthday but I don't know how to get alerts from this blog! I'll try to come over more often. One day you'll meet someone who likes you as you are and won't care about what people think! Until then just have fun being you. Jeannette xx

Chris said...

I think that you are a very interesting and thoughtfuly guy. You remind me a lot of myself.

I think you would really benefit by reading Six Pillars of Self-Esteem and doing the sentence stem exercises. It helps me tremendously.

As far as other people saying bad things about you, read my old entry about Mother Teresa being criticized.

Ari said...

Charles! You don't have to be like anyone else, because you are YOU! And that, in itself, is very special. You are a wonderful person with a heart of gold. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. You are an individual in a world where people "follow". But you're not a follower and that's a good thing, doll. Stop listening to that negative voice inside your head. That voice is only filled with self-doubt. Don't doubt yourself. The Charles I have come to know is wonderful and I would not change a thing. You're perfect as you are.