It had been a long while
since I had a nightmare, at least one that I can remember. The last one that I remember was frightening because in the dream I saw fire on my ceiling
and when I opened my eyes I could see it there still. Eventually it went
away, and I had plenty of theories on what could have caused it. A
ghost, a demon, overworked senses from playing video games too long, or a
very active and creative imagination. I don't have a clue what caused
it, but I still get chills when I think about that nightmare.
I have this ability to sense someone within my personal space when I'm not looking in the direction. Kind of like when I have my head down. It's not as good as it was when I was younger but I still can sense people for the most part. I'm sure their are others out there like me who can feel when someone is approaching them. I have a co-worker with the same ability. Call it a sense of awareness, call it self-preservation (call it whatever). If it wasn't for it, I would have walked into countless people by now (LOL). Seriously though, last week I fell asleep and I can't say that this was a nightmare per say. I was sleep, and I felt this presence in my sleep. I felt it at the head of my bed. I opened my eyes in my sleep and I leaned my head back to look and I saw a shadow that wasn't a shadow. It was a person wearing a hat. He literally had NO detail. It was dark and he was darker than the darkness in my room. I couldn't make out anything noticeable but the hat on his head. I was frozen and I couldn't move, but eventually I really did wake up. When I did I opened my eyes for real and it was still there looking at me. I could feel it looking down at me. I was frightened, too frightened to even scream. So I stopped looking and closed my eyes hoping it wasn't real and eventually it disappeared. Just like the flaming vision nightmare, this dream that didn't feel like a dream at all gave and still gives me the creeps thinking about it. The weird thing about it though, I was able to blow it off and go back to sleep. Maybe it was because I was tired (who knows). I don't know if their are truly any supernatural phenomenon out there, I don't know if the human mind is really capable of creating complicated and horrible visions based on our fears and experiences. I do know that what I felt, felt real enough to make me want to sleep with the lights on tonight though.
I'm a difficult person! Hey its my nature. I want it my way or the highway. I've grown to accept some things now better than when I was a kid. I will always be difficult though. However I prefer to use the word "Complicated". Without complexity what would our lives be like. Most of us go to work to make a living. We punch in and at the end of the day we punch out without feeling an ounce of accomplishment. A few people that work at there jobs,or "careers" find satisfaction in their work. At the end of the day there work may be hard but they feel like they've accomplished something. They want to go back to work in the morning unlike everyone else. This is me! I don't like doing the same boring thing over and over again (I have to work though). I like to make things interesting. I bought my friend a Furby for her birthday. The day before her birthday she looked behind her and asked what was in a bag, and I told her. On her birthday I put her gift in a bag in the same spot that the other bag was in. I waited for hours to see if she would notice it until finally an opportunity presented itself. I don't remember exactly what happened, but she told me she got me. So I responded by telling her that I got her and she hadn't even realized it yet. She kept asking me what I meant until I told her to turn around and look. She looked everywhere but the place I figured she would. I asked her if she noticed anything different on the floor that wasn't there the day before. She then tells me its the bag. I ask her why don't she look in it, and she replies that she doesn't care what was inside of it. I laughed and said, "you should care". Then she grabbed her gift and realized what it was. I made it very complicated yeah, but at least I made her smile, and at least it was fun. I also tend to make my feelings vague and hinted. I've always been this way, hoping someone would pick up on it and realize what I was trying to convey. I'm growing out of the latter now, because I want to share my true thoughts. One day I was riding with my Aunt. We were talking about video games, and somehow it became a conversation about entertainment in general. I told her that I feel that American entertainment is dumbed down. No one likes complicated stuff here unless it's about Drama, Sex, and Love. Even then that is watered down. I thought Transformers 2 was lame. They tried to mix bits and pieces from other movies into it. (Raiders of the lost Ark, the Matrix, Half Baked) I didn't like the fact that they had ignorant Black transformers in the film that were doing stupid crap. I didn't like the fact that they had a small robot hump a woman's leg for a cheap laugh. I then told my Aunt how their is this Japanese game that was Localized to America called .Hack. It's a video game about an online video game "The World" that people play for fun. In this video game their lies a hidden threat that is putting real life players in comas and threatening to destroy the the World Wide Web, plundering chaos into the real world. I won't go into details about it but in each video game series they had a mini prequel series leading up to the game, and if you didn't see the DVD's you missed some important back-story. it wasn't necessary for key points in the game but you would miss out on some of the plot in the story and may not understand some of the things the characters were talking about from the past. I thought that it was pretty cool, because I actually watched the DVD's before I played the game and saw how the DVD's and video games brought it all together:). Even the levels of the game were complicated in a sense. First you have to pick a server, and then you have to choose words from three slots you used to pick a level. In each slot you pick one word, and then the game will take you to a field or dungeon. for example Δ(delta Server) Hidden Forbidden Holyground. It has a ton of cool features that simulate a real video game. If that's not complicated I don't know what is. I think the difficulty of it is the reason it didn't win over many people but it one me over. I think everyone knows that I love to play video games, and that I really love to play Call of Duty online multiplayer. What everyone doesn't know is that my emblems, and Gamertag On 360 have ironic meaning. My gamertag on Xbox is "UREPITAPHIZTOLD"! The irony is that I play online multi-player games for fun, and my gamertag is based off of a video game about a video game ;) .I got the idea of the name from a video game series called .Hack. The basis of the game .Hack was from a fictional poet named Emma Wielant. The name of the poem is called "The Epitaph of Twilight". Her love interest Harold Hoerwick used the poem as a tribute in his game for his fallen love. Also there is a song on the soundtrack of .Hack//G.U. called "The Epitaph is Told"(See Gamertag name).I have two emblems in Call of Duty:Black ops 2 that were inspired from from .Hack//G.U. One is a non player character called a Chim Chim, and the other is the Loading icon used in G.U. that have rounded lines and a dot that swirl in a clockwise/counter-clockwise fashion.
I like to think that my thought processes are a wee bit complicated but they are also a part of my charm. I have yet to find anyone who really appreciates that about me, but it's part of who I am. Someday I hope I will find someone that likes this quality in me. When that day will come I will never let her go. LOL
I know that I have been making promises over the years that I wouldn't drink soda. Well, back in early December I started weening myself off of the sparkling goodness. Instead of buying two liters for a dollar, I'd settle for one or two 20 ounce bottles for $1.80. I know, I know your wondering why I paid for two little bottles at four bucks, when I could have just bought one big one for a $1.25. There is a method to my madness. If I had bought the two liter, most likely I would have drunken half of it when I got home and the rest the next day. I've done this countless times. So I decided that I would buy the little bottles to prevent myself from going on a binge of drinking. And every now and then I'd throw in a Snapple or a juice as my second drink. There see, I told you I had a method :).
Well last Saturday when I got off work at 10:30pm , I came home and I was going to bake a pot pie for dinner. I didn't get home until after eleven, and I had to be in at work at nine in the morning. I put the pot pie in the oven hoping it would bake, because the oven works when it wants to apparently. Unfortunately this was a night it took a break. I sat downstairs until midnight begging it cook my dinner, but it refused LOL. So I turned it off, placed my pot pie in the freezer and went to bed.
Here's where this gets a little "TMI"
That night I fell asleep, and an hour later I woke up. I wondered why at first, but then I realized that I had to "run" for the bathroom. Yeah that's right I said it. I sat on the toilet for a good thirty minutes, and spewed nothing but water (gross). When I was done I went up stairs and tried to go back to sleep. Half an hour later I had to run back. Eventually it became a re-occurring scene. I was wondering why this was happening to me all night. Then I remembered the same thing happened to me when I couldn't eat when I had chemo. I have gone nights before without eating, and this never occurred. There was one thing both occurrences had in common. I hadn't drunk soda in awhile. My body was getting rid of all of the toxins left behind from drinking soda for so long. I also lost 11 pounds in that one night. (Down to 228, from 239)
I feel much better now. While I feel tired, I don't feel dead tired like before. I felt like I was dragging the days instead of the other way around. I felt bloated, fat and uncomfortable. Now I feel much better. Also I'm reducing how much junk food I'm eating as well. Instead of buying cookies and Little Debbie snacks at work, I've been buying bananas, little bag of chips and fruit cups. also I joined Planet Fitness, because I want to get back in to shape. More on that in a future blog post. though. So if you are thinking about quitting soda, hopefully this will motivate you to do so. Much Love!!!
Gosh, I remember I started blogging in may of 2005 on the now defunct AOL Journals. I had a fun time meeting people through there blogs and sharing my life stories with them. Not many of them are left, and to be honest I miss them. Wish I found another way to keep in touch.
Nothing really has changed with me as of late. I am trying to interact with people more in the real world. It's quite hard for me to even say "Hi" to someone. With that said when I am at work I tend to sit with people at a table on break now. I used to just sit at a table alone, because I felt like no one would want to sit with me. Finding out now that, it isn't the case. I isolated myself out of fear, and now it's the fear that I want isolated.
Still playing a lot of Call of Duty. I finally gave in and bought a XBOX 360. I play Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 multiplayer. I'm decent at it. At least I have a positive K/D ratio. The only reason I got the XBOX, was so I could play with my co-workers. I have fun doing that, because they are good people, and they have a very good sense of humor. If anyone ever wants to join me in a party let me know, and I'll give you my gamertags.
Lately, I've been thinking that I haven't lived my life to the fullest. Stayed home away from the chaos of this world and missed out on my youth. I still haven't even gotten my first car yet! I plan on doing this, and I plan on going to Canada to see the Niagara Falls. I know their is also an American side, but I want to go to Canada. Never been to another country before. Want to experience this once in my life. This so called life has seen it's share of pain, but wants to grasp on to happiness now it that's okay with the invisible pain givers. Sometimes I wonder if I am given pain, and sorrow just to torment me, or so it can keep me grounded. Because anytime I did something good, I always had something equally bad that followed me. You saved a woman from dying by call 911 and giving instructions over the phone...good. Oops now I give you cancer deal with it. You caught a shoplifter excellent. Now I expose your anxiety, and let people exploit it and keep you in fear. Yeah that happened to me. I didn't want to fight back so I tried to avoid it and hope it went away. It didn't, but maybe I'll save this for another day...
Like I said I want to live my life. I don't know how much longer I have here so I want to live. If there is anyone out there like me, who keeps things bottle up, Don't!!! Learn to express your feeling in some way, because if you don't you may miss out on a miracle. Something relevant to you happiness can be right there in front of you, and all you have to do is listen to your heart. I know this because my heart is speaking in volumes, but I keep it bottled up. Trying SO hard to change that right now! LOL their is this young lady I like. I told her how I felt. She rejected me and it hurt, but at least I tried this time. Live life to it's fullest. Don't let petty differences in skin color, moral opinions, and status dictate or control your life. Just don't!
I know some women like the bad guys. Like how they say rebellious things, and in some cases say some mean things to them. Okay I know it's kind of like rugged affection, but sometimes it can become something worse.
Today I was at work. This young couple comes in, and wants to pick up money via Western Union. At first I pay them no mind. Then I here the young man start saying, that the girl isn't treating him right. He says that he's not getting any attention, and that if she doesn't start acting right he will kick her out. She is crying, and he's still berating her. Threatening to kick her out and send her back to her parents house. These are freaking teenagers. The boy seemed immature. It got to the point where I wanted to punch him in his face. Oddly enough the money she got was in her name. Then he asked her to buy him some cigarettes in front of me. I flat out told her that he needs to show me his ID. He pulls out a Benefit card, and I told him flat out that it's not valid ID. Dude throws a freaking temper tantrum Like a kid and runs out the store. He has some issues that I would have been happy to "fix"! As the young lady was leaving I told her that she can do better. I couldn't stand to see her in tears. NO woman deserves to be treated like that. If it were up to me I would have kept her at the store and had her call her parents, because eventually I think the verbal will turn into physical abuse too. That boy has some growing up to do, he has no business being with anyone. I wish I could have done more to help her. I was at least happy I didn't have to sell the jerk any cigarettes. ;)
A son, a brother, an uncle. A self proclaimed lunatic, on a road to find himself. All of it shared here.
Past, Present, Future!
I'm Charles and I am just a tad Crazy. You can't be completely sane, it's boring. My life, my blog, this is my Story!