I don't know how it really started. One day I was playing video games, and I ate, and ate and ate. I'd sit in my room for hours on end entertaining myself in the fantasy world. All that time I wasn't paying any attention to myself, until one day I noticed I had gotten a bit of a belly. When I realized what was happening I told myself that I would work out and lift my weights again. A day goes by, then a week, and then a month...a year. I kept sitting on my behind playing video games because I wanted to escape the harsh realities of this world. For a time it worked, but reality started creeping in and it wasn't to subtle anymore.
I started noticing that it became harder for me to breathe. The swelling in my ankles became more severe, and I started getting venous stasis ulcers. Also I felt like I was dragging the day instead of living in it. I was always tired and I didn't like it. Literally when I woke up I felt like I was undead and I hadn't put two and two together. I hadn't really even noticed how fat I became until one day some kids on a school bus yelled, "Hey look at the fat man haha". Then a gentleman outside stuck for me and told them to respect they're elders. That day it all hit me at once. I go into more detail about the why in my next post. Lets just say it was life or death reasoning for now.
I was asked what it was I wanted to do with my life. To forget everything scary out in the real world and think what it was I wanted to do that wouldn't be to scary. First thing that came to my mind was the gym. So I signed up with Planet Fitness and started walking on the treadmill. At first it was difficult. I set a lofty goal to stay on the treadmill for an hour. It didn't matter how fast I was walking just as long as I lasted the whole hour. I kept thinking to myself that I want to give up and that this was pointless. That I will never lose the weight, and that I will never feel better. However I came back the next day, and the next, and kept coming. Heck I even walked from my house to the gym for extra exercise. I remember some of my co-workers and even customers telling me to take it easy. LOL you don't want to tell me that because I am the exact opposite of most people. I kind of take offense to it and it becomes a challenge. So I walked back home from the gym the same day just to prove to myself and them that I could do it.
In the first week I lost five pounds. I felt better and I had more energy. I didn't notice a change physically yet but I felt it. Six months go by and I lost twenty pounds. I noticed my face and stomach getting thinner. I even did my first selfie lol. I made it my goal to get down to 185 pounds by June of 2013. But something had happened though that distracted me. If you look at my profile pic of me in the blue shirt and tie it kind of says it all. I said I would never where dress clothes unless I was going to a funeral. My Grandad had passed away in January 2013. Kind of felt down and I stopped going to the gym for a bit. Had regrets of not spending more time with him. When I was a child I saw him more than my dad. My heart wasn't really in it for awhile but I realized that it was his time and he is at peace.
Right now as it stands I weigh 191 pounds, which down from 240. I have lost 49 pounds and I feel great. I feel tired when I wake up in the morning, but I don't feel dead tired :). I am walking fast Like I used to when I was in my teens and twenties again. Heck I feel like I can take on younger kids one on one in basketball. LOL I feel great, and I got the proof!
Around this time last year I bought my current laptop, a Samsung. It came with Windows 8, and from the start me and this laptop just didn't get a long. The start menu isn't really a start menu. It's more like my android phone that has a ton of apps. It took me awhile to figure out how to even shut this thing off. I mean who wants to point their mouse to the corner of a screen till a sidebar slides out (not me). Their are a lot of things that I don't like about this new Windows, but when it updated to Windows 8.1 things got worse. The first thing that happened to me was a doozy. I don't know if it was a coincidence or because of the update, but I started getting a warning that "blue screen" occurred on my computer. I didn't think nothing of it at first because nothing seemed any different. Then it started happening more frequent, and then my computer crashed. Turned out it was the motherboard. It burned out and I had to send it out for repairs. When I got my computer back I was so happy and I though things were looking up.
(Before motherboard crash) I also have a Samsung Galaxy S3 android phone, and I had been anticipating the update of its software called Jellybean. My phone had the update of Jellybean 4.1.2 and I heard 4.3 was out, so I stupidly installed Samsung's program Kies Air to update it. It told me that an update was available, but It wasn't an update for my phone, and I totally wiped every app and every song on it. It was kind of like a system restore. I pressed the wrong button out of elation, without reading I guess. When I saw my phone was still at 4.1.2 after the "update", I was angry at myself. So I began re-installing everything on my phone again including my music. Everything was fine except one song, and the only reason I noticed is because I love this song. Amel Larrieux's song called "Weather". My "inner light was gray" that day, and so I went to play it and it worked for the first 20 seconds of the song and then it skipped to the next song. I was so livid because it meant I had to go and upload the song to my phone again. I was in my "if it isn't one thing" mode and I forgot about it until after my computer crashed. (After motherboard crash) LOL so when I remembered I went to upload the song to my phone. The files I had ripped to my laptop aren't compatible with it. My phone only accepts MP3 files and I had WMA. So I decided that I would delete the Windows Media Audio files and replace them with MP3's when I went to rip my music again, I got an error message telling me that, "Rip settings for windows media player cannot be changed". I tried to fix it and I even googled for instructions on how to fix the problem but couldn't find the answer so I gave up. I deleted all of my music for nothing (Grrr...) Fast forward to yesterday and I decided that I wanted to make a ringtone on my phone from The Weather song again (at least that's what I thought) By now I had gave in and used my PC downstairs that's corrupted by spy ware thanks to family (thanx). I got the MP3s off of it but it turned out that the file that I got Amel Larriuex's "Weather" was also corrupted on that PC. I was batting zero. So as I said yesterday I wanted to make a ringtone. So I googled again for help and I saw someone had said that their was an error in Windows 8 that caused your username to be missing in certain files. So stupid me thinking I was SOOOO smart went into my administrator profile and changed my username, then I went back to my user profile, and windows glitched and created a temporary profile for me. It wouldn't give me access to my profile because I changed the username, and it was searching for the previous one. I tried to go back and fix the problem by changing the username back to what it was but I forgot what it was named (cini_00...something). I didn't create that, it was created when I was forced to use my email address for my Microsoft account. I had to create one so I could take full advantage of Windows 8 (grrr...).
So in the end I had no choice (or at least I thought) but to do a system restore. The last point of the restore was on the day I got my computer (2/03/13). So I lost everything, even though all I had to do was delete the profile. I was so angry that my emotions clouded my logic and I acted on emotion. So now I have a new profile without the Microsoft account (thank goodness) and Windows Media Player can rip Cd's as MP3's (YEAH). I upload Amel Larrieux's album "Infinite Possibilities" to my phone (even better). Then I go to create a ringtone from "Weather". I get angry because I realize... It was the wrong song. LOL It was scat from "Searching For My Soul" that I wanted. The part where she says leave that alone. I went through all of that over the course of seven months for the wrong song. That sums up me in a nutshell.
It had been a long while
since I had a nightmare, at least one that I can remember. The last one that I remember was frightening because in the dream I saw fire on my ceiling
and when I opened my eyes I could see it there still. Eventually it went
away, and I had plenty of theories on what could have caused it. A
ghost, a demon, overworked senses from playing video games too long, or a
very active and creative imagination. I don't have a clue what caused
it, but I still get chills when I think about that nightmare.
I have this ability to sense someone within my personal space when I'm not looking in the direction. Kind of like when I have my head down. It's not as good as it was when I was younger but I still can sense people for the most part. I'm sure their are others out there like me who can feel when someone is approaching them. I have a co-worker with the same ability. Call it a sense of awareness, call it self-preservation (call it whatever). If it wasn't for it, I would have walked into countless people by now (LOL). Seriously though, last week I fell asleep and I can't say that this was a nightmare per say. I was sleep, and I felt this presence in my sleep. I felt it at the head of my bed. I opened my eyes in my sleep and I leaned my head back to look and I saw a shadow that wasn't a shadow. It was a person wearing a hat. He literally had NO detail. It was dark and he was darker than the darkness in my room. I couldn't make out anything noticeable but the hat on his head. I was frozen and I couldn't move, but eventually I really did wake up. When I did I opened my eyes for real and it was still there looking at me. I could feel it looking down at me. I was frightened, too frightened to even scream. So I stopped looking and closed my eyes hoping it wasn't real and eventually it disappeared. Just like the flaming vision nightmare, this dream that didn't feel like a dream at all gave and still gives me the creeps thinking about it. The weird thing about it though, I was able to blow it off and go back to sleep. Maybe it was because I was tired (who knows). I don't know if their are truly any supernatural phenomenon out there, I don't know if the human mind is really capable of creating complicated and horrible visions based on our fears and experiences. I do know that what I felt, felt real enough to make me want to sleep with the lights on tonight though.
I'm a difficult person! Hey its my nature. I want it my way or the highway. I've grown to accept some things now better than when I was a kid. I will always be difficult though. However I prefer to use the word "Complicated". Without complexity what would our lives be like. Most of us go to work to make a living. We punch in and at the end of the day we punch out without feeling an ounce of accomplishment. A few people that work at there jobs,or "careers" find satisfaction in their work. At the end of the day there work may be hard but they feel like they've accomplished something. They want to go back to work in the morning unlike everyone else. This is me! I don't like doing the same boring thing over and over again (I have to work though). I like to make things interesting. I bought my friend a Furby for her birthday. The day before her birthday she looked behind her and asked what was in a bag, and I told her. On her birthday I put her gift in a bag in the same spot that the other bag was in. I waited for hours to see if she would notice it until finally an opportunity presented itself. I don't remember exactly what happened, but she told me she got me. So I responded by telling her that I got her and she hadn't even realized it yet. She kept asking me what I meant until I told her to turn around and look. She looked everywhere but the place I figured she would. I asked her if she noticed anything different on the floor that wasn't there the day before. She then tells me its the bag. I ask her why don't she look in it, and she replies that she doesn't care what was inside of it. I laughed and said, "you should care". Then she grabbed her gift and realized what it was. I made it very complicated yeah, but at least I made her smile, and at least it was fun. I also tend to make my feelings vague and hinted. I've always been this way, hoping someone would pick up on it and realize what I was trying to convey. I'm growing out of the latter now, because I want to share my true thoughts. One day I was riding with my Aunt. We were talking about video games, and somehow it became a conversation about entertainment in general. I told her that I feel that American entertainment is dumbed down. No one likes complicated stuff here unless it's about Drama, Sex, and Love. Even then that is watered down. I thought Transformers 2 was lame. They tried to mix bits and pieces from other movies into it. (Raiders of the lost Ark, the Matrix, Half Baked) I didn't like the fact that they had ignorant Black transformers in the film that were doing stupid crap. I didn't like the fact that they had a small robot hump a woman's leg for a cheap laugh. I then told my Aunt how their is this Japanese game that was Localized to America called .Hack. It's a video game about an online video game "The World" that people play for fun. In this video game their lies a hidden threat that is putting real life players in comas and threatening to destroy the the World Wide Web, plundering chaos into the real world. I won't go into details about it but in each video game series they had a mini prequel series leading up to the game, and if you didn't see the DVD's you missed some important back-story. it wasn't necessary for key points in the game but you would miss out on some of the plot in the story and may not understand some of the things the characters were talking about from the past. I thought that it was pretty cool, because I actually watched the DVD's before I played the game and saw how the DVD's and video games brought it all together:). Even the levels of the game were complicated in a sense. First you have to pick a server, and then you have to choose words from three slots you used to pick a level. In each slot you pick one word, and then the game will take you to a field or dungeon. for example Δ(delta Server) Hidden Forbidden Holyground. It has a ton of cool features that simulate a real video game. If that's not complicated I don't know what is. I think the difficulty of it is the reason it didn't win over many people but it one me over. I think everyone knows that I love to play video games, and that I really love to play Call of Duty online multiplayer. What everyone doesn't know is that my emblems, and Gamertag On 360 have ironic meaning. My gamertag on Xbox is "UREPITAPHIZTOLD"! The irony is that I play online multi-player games for fun, and my gamertag is based off of a video game about a video game ;) .I got the idea of the name from a video game series called .Hack. The basis of the game .Hack was from a fictional poet named Emma Wielant. The name of the poem is called "The Epitaph of Twilight". Her love interest Harold Hoerwick used the poem as a tribute in his game for his fallen love. Also there is a song on the soundtrack of .Hack//G.U. called "The Epitaph is Told"(See Gamertag name).I have two emblems in Call of Duty:Black ops 2 that were inspired from from .Hack//G.U. One is a non player character called a Chim Chim, and the other is the Loading icon used in G.U. that have rounded lines and a dot that swirl in a clockwise/counter-clockwise fashion.
I like to think that my thought processes are a wee bit complicated but they are also a part of my charm. I have yet to find anyone who really appreciates that about me, but it's part of who I am. Someday I hope I will find someone that likes this quality in me. When that day will come I will never let her go. LOL
I know that I have been making promises over the years that I wouldn't drink soda. Well, back in early December I started weening myself off of the sparkling goodness. Instead of buying two liters for a dollar, I'd settle for one or two 20 ounce bottles for $1.80. I know, I know your wondering why I paid for two little bottles at four bucks, when I could have just bought one big one for a $1.25. There is a method to my madness. If I had bought the two liter, most likely I would have drunken half of it when I got home and the rest the next day. I've done this countless times. So I decided that I would buy the little bottles to prevent myself from going on a binge of drinking. And every now and then I'd throw in a Snapple or a juice as my second drink. There see, I told you I had a method :).
Well last Saturday when I got off work at 10:30pm , I came home and I was going to bake a pot pie for dinner. I didn't get home until after eleven, and I had to be in at work at nine in the morning. I put the pot pie in the oven hoping it would bake, because the oven works when it wants to apparently. Unfortunately this was a night it took a break. I sat downstairs until midnight begging it cook my dinner, but it refused LOL. So I turned it off, placed my pot pie in the freezer and went to bed.
Here's where this gets a little "TMI"
That night I fell asleep, and an hour later I woke up. I wondered why at first, but then I realized that I had to "run" for the bathroom. Yeah that's right I said it. I sat on the toilet for a good thirty minutes, and spewed nothing but water (gross). When I was done I went up stairs and tried to go back to sleep. Half an hour later I had to run back. Eventually it became a re-occurring scene. I was wondering why this was happening to me all night. Then I remembered the same thing happened to me when I couldn't eat when I had chemo. I have gone nights before without eating, and this never occurred. There was one thing both occurrences had in common. I hadn't drunk soda in awhile. My body was getting rid of all of the toxins left behind from drinking soda for so long. I also lost 11 pounds in that one night. (Down to 228, from 239)
I feel much better now. While I feel tired, I don't feel dead tired like before. I felt like I was dragging the days instead of the other way around. I felt bloated, fat and uncomfortable. Now I feel much better. Also I'm reducing how much junk food I'm eating as well. Instead of buying cookies and Little Debbie snacks at work, I've been buying bananas, little bag of chips and fruit cups. also I joined Planet Fitness, because I want to get back in to shape. More on that in a future blog post. though. So if you are thinking about quitting soda, hopefully this will motivate you to do so. Much Love!!!
A son, a brother, an uncle. A self proclaimed lunatic, on a road to find himself. All of it shared here.
Past, Present, Future!
I'm Charles and I am just a tad Crazy. You can't be completely sane, it's boring. My life, my blog, this is my Story!