Tuesday, June 13, 2006

What's up with me and birds lately


My mom will probably never admit this now. Heck she probably don't even remember it, but when I was a kid and I did something stupid or bad, she made reference to what was considered one of the dumbest animals ever on Earth.

She called me a Dodo Bird.

I didn't know at the time what it meant, but I knew that it was something negative, so it made me feel sad. In fact it affected me once so bad, that when I went to sleep one night I had a nightmare.

I dreamt that I was out side playing with two of my cousins, and all of a sudden birds started flying out of nowhere. Dodo's couldn't fly, but I didn't know that as a kid. The looked more like seagulls in my dream now that I think about it. I remember thinking that I should run, because if I didn't they would drop there doodoo on me and turn me into one of them (resistance is futile, the first Borg). My cousins and I scattered. When I say that there were a lot of "DoDo's", I mean there were a lot of them. Bird crap was falling from everywhere, and I managed to get away, but my cousins and other people didn't.

As time went on I heard stories about how people would become "victims" to bird droppings. One guy said he got it on his head. I swore up and down that this would never happen to me. I avoided birds at all cost, when they were flying over my head. Sometimes I would even run to get past birds that were a threat. Seagulls are the main culprits that were a threat. There would be hordes of them at the beach or at Market Place mall, searching for food. A year ago I had to dodge and weave seagulls while I was walking to work, because they were flying low within the entire area of a business called Harris and Humboldt St. Just like the birds in my dream.

Yesterday I was walking home from work, and I was kind of zoned out. I noticed a crow on the ground. I guess it noticed me too, because it flew up on a roof, which is hanging above the sidewalk I was walking on. The stupid crow was perched in a way that it could drop a bomb on me. I laughed thinking it wouldn't happen, and it didn't because it flew away before I started to walk underneath the roof.

That Bird didn't get me But....

Somewhere between The McDonald's near my house and me reaching my street it finally happened to me. Some "Stupidus Birdus" dropped a bomb on my work shirt. I noticed it when I was walking down my street. At first I said what else could happen to me, then I checked my head for "Crapitus Fecesus". Luckily my head didn't fall victim, but my pride did.

The Day Before: My Fly
Yesterday: Bird Crap
Today: Who Knows

One things for sure, I'm tempted to call in sick. Could this be the Week of Humiliation for me?

Reason #1 to get a car!


michele said...

Hey charles,i've had a bird dive
bomb me in the head.Somebody said
that's suppose to bring you luck.
Hey i did win a Bmw in a radio
contest that year.Look forward
to some good luck my friend.

Chelle said...

Charles, Call in sick, and have 2059820958209582098 bowls of vanilla ice cream...


Jeannette. said...

I've been bombed by a seagull, it got me down one side, all over my purse and shoes. I think it'd been saving itself for me! Jeannette

Ari said...

I've fallen victim to birds, as well. It was a very Hitchcockian experience. Seagulls are the worst. They have no fear at all. I've heard dodos being referenced as dumb birds, but in my opinion, ostriches are far worse. Big giant bird, eeny teeny brain.