Anyone remember last year's story meme???

Last year at the end of April I did a Meme (a what? Hope I didn't scare anyone). I began a story, I set up the story, and when I got to a point where I felt I could let someone else continue, I tagged them. I got a few people interested, but it never got finished. So I have decided that I will begin it again and finish it. I didn't want to leave in limbo, and I don't have much to write about now anyways, so I guess I could do this. I'm no storyteller, and I never wrote one before, but I will give it a shot!

Three Months Down

December 27th, 2006, I decided that I wouldn't eat certain foods for a whole year, and while I did fail at preventing myself from eating one of the types of foods listed, I'm still continuing on with the ones I haven't given into.

The whole purpose of this ordeal was because of high cholesterol and lack of energy, self-esteem, and because I'm not in shape. Also because all of those sweets that I have been eating will eventually catch up to me, and I don't think that I would like the consequences of that.

It has been a rough three months. At first I was dying for my Little Debbie Snacks, but then eventually that craving went away. I actually walked by a display at work, and thought to myself, "eh...Not interested". So I'd like to think that I am doing pretty well. I haven't been to a McDonald's, Burger King, or a Wendy's since either. Hopefully I can keep it that way too.

I can't deny that there have been cravings. In fact, last week I had a dream that I was eating a tub of sugar cookies that I used to buy at work. I could taste them in my sleep, and I didn't have a care in the world. It was as if I was in some other Charles' body in some other dimension eating a big bowl of cookies and loving it. Cookie Monster had nothing on me in that dream, and when I woke up I wanted to strangle that dream. I felt as if my sub-conscience is in a battle with my will power for control of my eating habits. What I want to know is, who has dreams about eating??? First time that I recall ever having a dream like that.

However I did do one thing that I have mixed feelings about. I drunk and energy drink from Mountain Dew. I kind of feel bad for doing it, but at the same time I don't. Doesn't make sense right!!! Well Last Sunday (not this past one, but the one before) I was so tired, because I didn't get any sleep the two nights before. I came to work exhausted, and as we all know fatigue isn't a valid reason to call in. So the whole time I'm at work I am standing there, and the only thing keeping me from falling over is whatever it is that I am leaning on. I only used what energy I had to stand on my own when I was helping a customer. I had to constantly, and consciously will my eyes to stay open. In fact I think I dozed off in front of my register for about 10 seconds.

After that I decided that I needed an energy boost. My coworker suggested that I try Mountain Dew's MDX. She said she took it and the next thing she new she was wide awake. So I decided that I had no choice. I took a few sips of it and ten minutes later I was bouncing off of the walls. She was right, that stuff did wake me up, and that is why I have mixed feelings about drinking it. I didn't drink it all, only 10 sips (if that).

All of this makes me wonder what I will do on December 28th 2007. (yeah I'm optimistic)

There is NO half!

When your buying something to eat, do you want to eat the whole thing, or are you gonna only eat half?

Did someone cut them in half?

My half is Bigger than your half!

Maybe those really have nothing to do with this post, but after you read this, maybe you'll understand where I am coming from.

Sharing is a good thing right. "Give half of it to your brother". OK fine I can accept that. What I can't accept is being called a "half brother".

When my brother used to work at the same place I'm at, there was this girl (a co-worker) that came up to the desk and asked if we were related. I told her yeah, that he is my brother. She then tells me that she didn't believe him, and that we don't look alike. Then she asks me if we are "half brothers". I thought about what she said for a moment, and I told her that I wasn't going to answer her question. She gets frustrated and she asks me why I won't? I think she said asked me if we were half brothers a couple more times before I said I won't won't answer your question the way you asked it. Finally she clued in on what I meant and asked me if we had different fathers.

I told her yeah, but he isn't my half brother. Yes it's true my brother and I have different fathers. I've known Jevon all of his life. I watched him grow up from a baby. I heard him cry when he had colic. I felt sorrow for him, when he had swallowed some boric acid and had to be rushed to the hospital. I was there when he had surgery on his wrist. I have spent time with my brother and watched him grow up into the young independent strong man that he is today. Twenty-one years of his life, and only once him and I ever argued...ONE time.

I love my brother with all of my heart, not half of it. So if there is someone out there that don't understand why I hate the term "half brother", then they must not be close to their's.

Blood is thicker than water.
I will always have my brother.
Half the time I can rely on my friends.

OMG

(Insanely panting)

OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH!

Amel Larrieux has a new Album coming out on May 22nd. Caught me totally off guard in a good way!


Oh Yeah!

Am I Blunt?

Recently it was brought to my attention that I can be blunt. I always thought I was shy and timid. When I say stuff, I usually bow down and agree to whatever somebody else is saying. But this kid at work told me that he that he likes that I say what I feel. Because I guess I wasn't feeling good, and I told him that I didn't feel like talking to anyone at the time. I told him, that, "I'm not blunt". Then I got the response of, "Yes you are Charles". He left me thinking about it.

Absorbing It!

Then Finally I came to the conclusion he was wrong. Then the week after...

Why does everything seem to happen to me at the laundromat?

I had an epiphany there. A woman came to the laundromat, to bring some magazines about her faith. She said hi to me and asked me if I would like to read one. I was sitting there in my own little world I guess and somehow I managed a response.

One word

NO!

There was no conversation afterwards. I merely continued playing a video game (or maybe being brainwashed by it), while I was in my little world.

Then it hit me, "_____ is right, I guess I am kind of blunt". I never saw it I guess. Knowing oneself is harder than knowing someone else.

Hmmm, I wonder if I am a ass too?

Rule #2: Express Yourself!

Now that I think about it, all of these rules are going to be tough.

I always hold back how I truly feel. Never expressing what I really think, while I put my head down. It may be a good thing when I am at work when I deal with customers, but it's not good when it comes to my personal/social existence. I just bottle things up and and just say Amen. When the truth is, I would rather Agree to Disagree.

If my vision of how the world looks differs from another person's, shouldn't it be my right as a living, breathing, human being to voice my opinion.

For example, there was that time when my Step-mom and my Dad were arguing over scrabble. They were arguing about a word being miss-spelled. I got frustrated and I was about to get out of my chair to go to my room, but my dad yelled at me and told me to sit down. I wanted to tell them to stop, that it was just a game, but I just sat there and dealt with it. I wondered if my dad even remembered that when I was younger, I witness my mom's former boyfriend beating her.

I always put other peoples feelings first, before mines. NO More!

I have to lift my head up and look into that person or persons eyes and say what I think PROUDLY!

I'm going to say what I feel, and if they disagree, than we can agree to disagree and leave it at that.

Bottled Up

I have been on an emotional roller-coaster of messy proportions. I have been high, I have been low, I went left than right, and then smack dab in the middle. The darkness I felt has dulled, but even so it's still there. I can still feel it as if it were gnawing at my soul in and ever so lovingly way, as if it were a cat trying it's best to "pet" me. The sad thing is that it doesn't know anything about "petting". It so desperately wants to come out and take over me, but I have managed to keep it at bay. The last time I gave in, I ended up hurting my wrist pretty badly by punching the propane cabinet in front of work. My hand hasn't been the same since. I remember the anger, and the negative thoughts I had at that time. I wanted everyone that angered me to be hurt in some way. Blogging at the time was a release valve. It worked somewhat, but it didn't stop me when I was away from my computer.

Recently that anger came back, and the littlest things have been activating the darkness. I'd like to believe that I have become stronger than I was a year ago. Then again, we all know what happens when we bottle things up. Just like when we shake a carbonated beverage and open it up, we can BLOW UP and nine times out of ten no one will see it coming. My hand is on the cork, but the pressure seems to be too strong. My eyes are closed because I am afraid to face "myself" (or my darker self, whatever you want to call it). It's not like I have a split personality or anything like that. I am fully aware of my Faculties, I'm just not sure of how to control them. I have to remember that kindness kills hate. I started being kinder last year and I think it also helped.

But...

I had been debating the reasons for the combustible feelings I have had recently, and in the past. I have come to the conclusion that it's my job that is doing this to me. The logical solution to remedy this situation is to remove myself from what is causing me to have a myriad amount of emotions. Hence forth, I am looking for a new job.

Expression of Feeling

Words Over Time

I can't remember the last time I seen you
I can't remember the last words we said
Words between us seem to have always been far and between
Like my childhood
Questions
Words, any words I wanted from you
Where were you when I needed you
Once and awhile wasn't enough
I grew up feeling alone
Puzzled, and you still have the pieces
Wondered if you loved me
Wondered if you REALLY loved me
Wondered if I was a Burden
"I Miss You"
Remember that
I still search for those questions
The child in me still misses you
But the words, won't come out
There being held back
Are the words being held back in you too?


Accept ME!

You don't know how I feel
I really do care
I may seem cold to you
but looks can be deceiving
I have just felt so used many times
friendships just seem to be in disguise
Acceptance is one thing I need
Changing me is the last thing I want
There aren't many people out there who genuinely care
Are you one of them?
I don't need a weekend friend
I need a Real friend

Lingering Book

I have been reading books now more than ever. For some reason, I have been feeling it more now than before. Maybe it's because I have been looking for something different. Who Knows, as long as I enjoy it, it shouldn't be an issue. The last two books were sci-fi adventure types. I don't know what category this new book I am reading falls under, but while I was on break at work, I decided to check out the books in the magazine aisle.

How does one pick a book? I think that is an interesting and valid question, because I sat there in the aisle for 7 out of the 15 minutes I had during my break trying to answer that question. Then I noticed a bright yellow book staring at me out of the corner of my eye. Then I looked at the title. Ironically, the title of the book is a phrase that I used to use in frustration, while I was at work on one of those "Bad everything that can go wrong and does" Kind of days. I had one of those last night by the way. The title of the book.



I picked it up, and I turned it over and like I did with Decipher, I read the premise on the back.
"What if your only fear was a lingering death? What if someone guaranteed to never let it happen, no matter what? Then what if you changed your mind?

It caught my attention, and then it made me think. What WOULD I do if I was in that situation. What would YOU do? I thought about that for awhile. I thought, "What if I became a father and I was going to slowly die from some wretched disease, would I give in, or would I fight to see my child's Graduation, or marriage? What if I found out right now that I have months to live, and my dream was within my grasp?

What Then?

If two Death Angels Approached me and told me that they would never let me suffer one single iota no matter what, I don't think I could agree to that. Sure I would suffer, but at least I wouldn't miss some of the greatest moments in my life. At least there would be laughter and smiles. I'd like to think that would be worth while.

If you haven't noticed, I have been in a bad place as of late, so you may read some negative and dark things here. Even my dreams have been kind of dark, and this book affected the last dream I had. I haven't felt that humorous Charles in awhile. I kind of miss him.

What are we saving?

Do you ever wonder if you are guinea pigs to the government. They move Daylight Savings Time up earlier from the first Sunday in April to Tomorrow March 11th. Normally I open the desk at Seven, after I get off of work at 9:30 at night. However this year I am lucky that I am closing the desk. I would have lost an hour of sleep because of DST. On top of that it takes me an hour to unwind after I get home a half an hour later from walking from work. I read somewhere that they did this as a test run. Are they trying to see how we react to losing an hour of sleep, or is it to see how fast we can recover ourselves when we are thrown a curve ball.

Either way, I just wanted to let as many people I know to set your clocks an hour ahead. Just in case you are in the same situation as me, and you have to work too.

"Spring Forward"

Update: I meant that DST is on March 11th. I'm sorry for the confusion, and it has been corrected.

Feline Friday: Will You turn Off The Light.

Can you imagine a cat that forces his way upstairs and lies on your bed, and visually let you know that you should turn the light off because it's bothering him. I didn't think it was possible, but Bouk seems to act more like a human than a cat. I still can't seem to catch Jet with the tip of his tail towards his head. When I do I will post it. I wish I could have gotten a better picture of this, but I didn't have a camera at the time, so I used my phone.

If you have a cat and you want to participate in Feline Friday, Click Here

Sniff, Sniff

I'm feelin' sort of blue.

December 7, 2005, I'd like to think my life was changed for the better. Four pounds and nine ounces of joy, but I was scared at first to hold him. I was scared that I would drop him or hurt him in some way but eventually I got over it. The first six months, I was so scared. I worried about sudden infant death syndrome. He also had trouble breathing, so I worried about that too. It seemed like I worried too much because he was a fighter. In fact in some of the pictures I have, his hands were balled up in fists. I remember how I took so many pictures it made his mother jealous and kind of upset at me. He is my first nephew and he means so much to me, and I just love the little guy.

Now he is 15 months and a busy body. At first I wasn't sure that he liked me. I mean everything I did seemed to be wrong. When I bought him the Tickle Me Elmo Extreme, he cried because he was afraid of it while it was moving and talking. When I came into the room he would kind of play with me, but if someone else came in also he would go to them. For example, he would go to his Grandma (All kids love there grandmas), and then when his uncle Jevon came over, I felt left out too.

Recently though him and I started playing a lot more and became closer. We'd throw the ball back and forth to each other. I'd pick him up and let him play with the magnets on the fridge, much to everyone else's objections. He finally stopped being scared of the TMX so I would watch him play with that. I also spun him around until he got dizzy. I remember after I put him down he'd started spinning himself around, it was kind of cute seeing him fall to the floor from being dizzy. Sunday I tried to teach him to jump from the floor, but he isn't confident enough to do that yet, so instead my nephew would just stomp one foot onto the floor. It had my brother and I cracking up. We had so much fun, but when it was time for me to end the fun because of fatigue from working, my nephew would get sad to see me go upstairs to my room. He would cry for me, and it would make me sad and break my heart.

This week I made an exception when he cried for me, and I stayed downstairs and played with him. Although at one point I felt so tired, I ended up lying on the couch, and he ended up walking all over me.

I stayed down there because my sister has been trying so very hard to get her place, and she finally has. This week she started moving her things to her place, and you know what that means...

I won't be able to see my Jalani as much as I used to, so this made ME cry (I guess that can be considered my most recent cry then). They left a little over 30 minutes ago and I miss him already. I didn't even get a picture for this moment.

I'll miss the infectious smiles everyday to greet me.

I'll miss the running up to my legs and sticking hands up to ask me to pick him up.

I'll miss the running around the house chasing the cats to pet them.

I'll miss the curiosity he exudes just about every minute of every hour of every day.

I'll miss watching him grow up like I did during his first year. He was so tiny, and now he is getting so big. I'm proud of him, and happy to be his uncle.

I miss you Jalani.

This one's for you Shari

Shari Tagged me, and I was more than happy to do this m... oh yeah Jeff I almost forgot you hate that word. LOL

1. First Name? Charles
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yeah, my dad
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Gosh, I can’t remember that’s a good thing right?
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? NO…I can’t even read it. It’s decent if I go slow.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Pork bologna. I can’t live without my pork.
6. KIDS? Someday, I hope.
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I’d like to think so, after all, I’m a pretty nice guy. Be my frieeennnddd
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? You mean this thing I am writing on???
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM? I think I just did!!!
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? If you mean those things in the back of my throat then, Yes.
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Heck no, you can’t even get me on a airplane.
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Lucky Charms
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No, the united stink would be too much for me. LOL
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Everyone has strength and weaknesses. I’m stronger than I used to be.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Vanilla
16. SHOE SIZE? 12 ½ to 13
17. RED OR PINK? Definitely RED!
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOUR SELF? Lack of confidence in myself (me too)
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Myself during my childhood. I was so much more confident and independent then.
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO DO THIS? Everyone, do you want me to, want you to do this??!!??
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Right now I am in hibernation mode, so I am in all black pajamas. Hey you asked?
22. LAST THING YOU ATE? Honey roasted peanuts. I am still not eating sweets (go me, go me)
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The blowing of our heater.
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Depends on my mood. Blue (peaceful), and red is struggle (Hint, Hint).
25. FAVORITE SMELLS? I like anything that brightens my day and wakes me up..
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My co-worker Shannon. I called her to ask her if she saw my glasses. I lost them. Lucky she found them.
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? It depends on what is attractive about them.
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I think she is nice.
29. FAVORITE DRINK? Well it used to be Cherry Coke, but now that I am not drinking soda anymore, its grape juice.
30. FAVORITE SPORT? FOOTBALL (Go BILLS)
31. EYE COLOR? Brown
32. HAT SIZE? Who gets there head measured?
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No, because I would struggle to get them on.
34. FAVORITE FOOD? Macaroni and Cheese.
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING! Happy Ending
36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIE THEATER? The Lakeshore…I love Sandra Bullock, and now she has another movie coming out. Damn her..LOL
37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Black, hello who makes these. Read up above.
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? Fall or spring (me too) (me too too)
39 . HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs and kisses!
40. FAVORITE DESSERT? Cheesecake
41.WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? No one, because I am not emailing this or tagging anyone (you are all safe….For now Bwahahahahah.
42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? See above
43. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? PREY, by Michael Crichton
44. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? The same color as my shirt.
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? NCIS, and the Simpsons
46. FAVORITE SOUNDS? I love Music Too
47. ROLLING STONES or BEATLES? B4 Way before my time.
48. there was no question for 48 on this survey. There always seem to be that one missing question.
49. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I'm not talented. Not in a good way.
50. Where and when were you born? 1975, and if I told you where, you’d get confused.

Recent Observations

Just a few things that I have noticed lately!

1. Whenever something bad happens people tend to find ways to take advantage of it.

For Example:

We all know about the Peter Pan peanut butter recall. But I bet not everyone knows what happens when some of the people throw their peanut butter away rather than taking them back for a full refund. (yes if you got some some of that salmonella infested peanut butter {sluuurrrrppp} take it back) If you have a garbage can then you better keep it locked up because no one's garbage can is safe from the fingers of the bums (or should I call them hobo's, or maybe the homeless either way...) We have a couple of homeless people who come to my job regularly and turn in bottles and cans that they find on the ground or in the garbage, for the five cents bottle deposit. Now, with that Peanut butter recall these two guys seem to have figured out that its some kind of gold mine or something. I don't know how long they have been doing it, but today they have brought in three jars of peanut butter. How do I know they got them from out of the garbage? How many jars of peanut butter have you seen with slime on them? I will probably see them again tomorrow. It's probably easier to search for one jar of peanut butter (retail $2.29), in comparison to 45 bottles or cans @ five cents each.

Something else that I noticed.

2.

The Oscars! All of these people gathered there to see which movie, actor or actresses...etc is the best. Which movie is the best. Not to knock Jennifer Hudson or Forrest Whitaker because they are good at what they do, but who decides what movies are great and which are not. Whoever does, don't have the same taste as I do, or the average American. Half of the time, the movies I see nominated are movies that I haven't even heard of. I will be honest. I'm not interested in movies that are trying to be portrayed as a work of art. I like movies with explosions, one liners, and action.

"Thrill Ride"

I also like love stories, comedies, creative storylines. I will watch anything that will peak my interest, as long as it make sense. Some movies just hurt my brain (cough-Napoleon Dynamite-cough). Anyways these movies way off in wonderland get nominated and the ones I watch seem to be snubbed out as if they were something on the Jerry Springer show. All of these actors, actresses, producers, and directors are living there dream, but to put some on a pedestal and others underneath it seems unfair. Some people probably wouldn't agree with me, but I think Bill Murray deserved an award for Groundhog Day. I love that movie and it was hilarious. Has Bill Murray even won a Oscar yet...Probably not.

3 and Finally:

I see these so called experts on TV saying, "This is what people want". Or saying this the hot new colors of the year, or how fat people are, and how thin is in. Personally I'd take a 164 pound Tyra Banks any day. There not reaching out to the real consumer. It seems like they are trying to invent there own. These experts don't know what I want. They can't tell me what I want, and personally I don't think it helps either. It makes me want to change the channel, because it makes me feel like i'm not real to them. As if I don't exist? We are living on the same planet, are we not? Not everyone can afford to go to the Bahamas, eat caviar and drive a $100,000 car. The average American is probably in the range of a trip to Hawaii, eat at Red Lobster, and drive a Honda Accord. Today I watched Good Morning America and they were talking about Girls in a sorority who were kicked out because of there weight and race. Is this the kind of results that the "experts" want?

Lately

I logged onto my blog at about 9am. I swore up and down that I would write about something in my life, and then read some of my favorite blogs within an hour. I sat down an stared at my computer screen, looking at the blank "Create a post" page. Nothing came to me, so then I decided to check on the status of two video games that I'm dying to get my hands on. Like my mind, they are still up in Limbo somewhere.

So I was sort of happy to hear my mother ask me to do her driveway for her. I am still a little stiff from working six days straight, and walking to and from work in those six days, but I was up to it. I may have complained a little, about the pain, but it was a change of pace. Especially when I almost fell to the ground while I was playing with the shovel, as I was walking down the hill that is our driveway. Now that the bottom of my mother's car is safe, I came back here and stared at the screen some more, and I realized something. It's been a week since my last post. What happened in that last week that stopped me from posting.

First:

I bought a Nintendo DS and started playing Yugi'oh. Its kinda like chess, but better. The strategy in that game is WOW.

Second:

I have been reading a book called book called Decipher, written by Stel Pavlou

"Mankind had 12,000 years to crack the code. We have one week left."

It is a clever book. It's a great book. I have had it for a couple of years and I never finished reading it. One day I saw it while I was rearranging my bedroom for Feng Shui (or at least what I am hoping pass for it), and I decided to give it one more shot. When I got to the part that I left of at (In the Amazon where the character Maple shot the two guides) I continued to read on. The last time I read it, I stopped because of the violent nature of that scene. When I saw the book again, I realized that it wasn't the book, it was me. Whenever I see something or someone I don't like, I never give it a chance. Well based on that realization I picked up the book again and I am glad I did. It had everything from Atlantis to Nanomachines. It was awesome! The characters, the plot, even the descriptions of the things we are supposed to see. It could be a freaking movie.

I'm reading another favorite book of mines called Prey. I heard that they are making a movie about it so I wanted to re-read it as a "refresher" before it comes out. I like sci-fi stuff. If anyone has any suggestions about some other books let me know.

Before I Forget

I don't know if it was a miracle or the fact I posted how I felt here out of frustration for what had happened to my co-worker. Whatever the reason, my co-workers baby started breathing on his own, and he also cried. This is what I was told by some fellow co-workers anyways. I prayed for a miracle for her. Maybe it is because I posted about this in my journal, whenever something happens, it totally flips and becomes the exact opposite on me within a few hours of a few days.

For instance my brother's new car was hit on the drivers side when he had the light and the other people ran there's. At first his car was going to be totaled than they changed there mind and said they would repair the damaged. Then they changed there mind again, then finally settled on repairing the car. I kept telling people on thing, and I ended up having to change what I said, over and over again.
Maybe I should just wait for the fat lady to sing next time. On the other hand babies heal up better than adults, so maybe this was a case of his body healing. Whatever the reason, I am glad that this ended up happily. I just hope that the baby doesn't have any damage to his brain.

I've failed! (Well Sort of)

I was trying to go 365 days without eating certain bad foods. For the last week or so, I have eaten stouffers microwavable t.v. dinners. That was on the list. I'm kind of upset with myself, but they had a good sale for them, and the Marie Callanders dinners too. Okay i'm not really upset with myself. I added it knowing that I would possibly change my mind. Like Chris said if I do slip up, I am still compliant with 95% of the goal. So I am not going to let that get me down.

Anyways the real goal was not to eat junkfood like my Achilles heel (Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies) and fast foods from McDonald's, Burger King and Wendy's. Those I have fought hard within to keep at bay. I honestly wanted to stop eating those TV dinners, but with the erratic hours I get at work, it's hard to come home and cook dinner. Sometimes I just want something quick so I can go to bed.

I might just start eating sandwiches, but I need to find a substitute for Miracle Whip and Mayonnaise. ->Help<-.

Today I went and caught the bus to go to see the movie "Ghost Rider", but when I got out to my destination, I realized that I wasn't going to make it to the theater from the mall. A couple of days ago we got hit with a snow storm that dumped about 20 inches of snow here. The roads are perfectly fine. It's the Sidewalks that suck. It's a little complicated to explain. I could have taken a bus that would have gotten me closer to the theater, but it doesn't run within the time frame that would get me to the theater on time to see the movie. I only like to go and see a movie when its starting between 12 and 2pm, because I don't have a car yet and the buses don't run as frequent after 11:30am.

So I took a bus that would take me to the near by Mall (town of Irondequoit), and I decided to walk from there. I made a quick stop at a video game store and made a purchase that I had been waiting weeks for, and then when I walked up to the side walk I saw snow that would have been up to my kneecaps. I wasn't going to walk in the street in Irondequoit either. There was and is a lot of traffic out there, and people drive crazy on a busy road. So I turned back and caught the bus home.

Maybe next time!

Our store took another big blow. I not sure I should even post this, but it's been on my mind a lot. One of my co-workers was pregnant. I was told that she always wanted to have children. Well She gave birth on Sunday. She was actually due on Groundhog Day, but for some reason she surpassed that date.

By nine days.

The doctor was going to induce the labor, but they kept saying, "if she doesn't go into labor, then they would induce it". One day turned into two and two turned into nine. The baby was 7lbs. 3oz., and it turned out that he was too big for her birth canal. The doctors had to perform a C-section. When they did this they found out that the baby's life signs were unstable. So they had to put him in an ICU. That was what I was told by a co-worker the first day that I heard the news. Yesterday when I came to work, I was told that the baby has no brain activity whatsoever. For all intents and purposes the baby is dead, albeit his body is alive and on life support. I can describe how much sadness I feel for her, just thinking about it now makes me want to cry for her. I can't imagine what she is going through, I just know she doesn't want to give up on her son. She gave life to him for nine months, just to lose him because of a doctors decision. I wouldn't wish this kind of sorrow on my worse enemy.

I don't even know what to say to her when I see her again. Everything in my life seems so trivial at this point and I don't want to say anything to upset her. Honestly I'm scared my heart is there, but my words get jumbled when I am nervous and then my good intentions turned to an insensitive comment. "How are you doing", is the worst thing you can say to a parent who has lost a child. I said that once to someone and I didn't realize how stupid a question it was. The best thing I can to is say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope that God will bless you.

I sincerely hope that this experience doesn't stop her from trying again. I hope that she can be happy.

Sigh...

I'm kind of sad right now. One of my favorite managers (assistant manager) ever is being transferred to another store. He has been there for at our store for almost as long as I have.

He's cool, the hardest worker in the store, and he's a manager (<--I'm surprised about that part). If you could see the displays he puts up at our store, especially the one for Valentines Day you'd want to hire him too. Everyone at our store likes him. I have never heard any complaints about him whatsoever. Now everyone is going to miss him, myself included. Just about everyone at our store wish that we could, go where he is going. I hope the store he is going at knows how good of a manager they are getting. They better not give him no trouble, or we will come over and straighten them out (LOL).

I normally keep to myself and not express my feelings, but yesterday and today I let it be known that I feel that he should stay. But who am I to tell the higher ups. I'm just a lowly employee who wishes that he had "manager like power". Then again he has been there for seven years, and the last time he was going to be transferred, one of our previous store manager (oh yeah our store manager is gone too) asked that he stay. You don't know how happy we were to here that. But now...now he is leaving us. Today is his last day here, and I have the Blues.

I dunno, it seems like the sunshine isn't as bright as it use to be. He truly is one of a kind and he will be missed. His replacement has awfully big shoes to fill.

Next Time, Carry Me Home

As he is walking to the front of the store he is thinking about what is going on outside.
As he walks to the front door he begins to tremble inside. He remember hearing how bad its going to be and he begins to get prepared. He takes a step out and oh Yeah, it is as bad as he thought.

Maybe even worse.

He hasn't even left the parking lot yet and it's already getting to him. An invisible yet intangible thing streaking across the planet at a great speed. At least it would be invisible, if it wasn't for all of the snow being carried with it. To make matters worse the temperature is about 5 degrees and dropping.

Wind

Blow after blow, gust after gust he's taking a pounding. Two coats, two pairs of pants, a scarf and a hat, and it's still bone chilling cold. Before he knows it, he thinks that he may not make it home, and he wished he had called a cab. Breathing has been a problem for him ever since he was a child. Sometimes deep breaths still didn't satisfy his need for air. Sometimes he needed more than he was getting. Sometimes it hurt to take in deep breaths he was inhaling so hard.

Now as he is walking he is getting TOO much air blown at him, causing his breathing to become erratic, making him feel as if he is going to suffocate from it.

He starts to panic.
He starts thinking negatively.
He wants to give up and just stop, but then something inside reminds him that if there is one good thing about himself. One thing he has always been able to do no matter what obstacle was in his path. He always was able to get wherever he wanted to go on foot. So he mustered together some energy and some determination and kept at it.

He gets past the halfway point to his home and he comes a cross "Snow dunes" blocking a portion of the sidewalk. They would have been a challenge for him, so the street became a new "sidewalk". He remembers how the last few times he walked in the street, cars would drive by him cautiously, partially across the yellow line, almost driving in the other lane. He laughed thinking it was unnecessary . Now as a few cars pass by him doing the exact same thing, he is pleased that they are thinking about him. Between the cars and the wind he thought, he may have ended up lying on the ground. Almost home the wind eases up because of the houses to his left. Thankfully he makes it to his nice and warm comfy abode, and thanks his lucky stars that he is still in one piece.