Sniff, Sniff

I'm feelin' sort of blue.

December 7, 2005, I'd like to think my life was changed for the better. Four pounds and nine ounces of joy, but I was scared at first to hold him. I was scared that I would drop him or hurt him in some way but eventually I got over it. The first six months, I was so scared. I worried about sudden infant death syndrome. He also had trouble breathing, so I worried about that too. It seemed like I worried too much because he was a fighter. In fact in some of the pictures I have, his hands were balled up in fists. I remember how I took so many pictures it made his mother jealous and kind of upset at me. He is my first nephew and he means so much to me, and I just love the little guy.

Now he is 15 months and a busy body. At first I wasn't sure that he liked me. I mean everything I did seemed to be wrong. When I bought him the Tickle Me Elmo Extreme, he cried because he was afraid of it while it was moving and talking. When I came into the room he would kind of play with me, but if someone else came in also he would go to them. For example, he would go to his Grandma (All kids love there grandmas), and then when his uncle Jevon came over, I felt left out too.

Recently though him and I started playing a lot more and became closer. We'd throw the ball back and forth to each other. I'd pick him up and let him play with the magnets on the fridge, much to everyone else's objections. He finally stopped being scared of the TMX so I would watch him play with that. I also spun him around until he got dizzy. I remember after I put him down he'd started spinning himself around, it was kind of cute seeing him fall to the floor from being dizzy. Sunday I tried to teach him to jump from the floor, but he isn't confident enough to do that yet, so instead my nephew would just stomp one foot onto the floor. It had my brother and I cracking up. We had so much fun, but when it was time for me to end the fun because of fatigue from working, my nephew would get sad to see me go upstairs to my room. He would cry for me, and it would make me sad and break my heart.

This week I made an exception when he cried for me, and I stayed downstairs and played with him. Although at one point I felt so tired, I ended up lying on the couch, and he ended up walking all over me.

I stayed down there because my sister has been trying so very hard to get her place, and she finally has. This week she started moving her things to her place, and you know what that means...

I won't be able to see my Jalani as much as I used to, so this made ME cry (I guess that can be considered my most recent cry then). They left a little over 30 minutes ago and I miss him already. I didn't even get a picture for this moment.

I'll miss the infectious smiles everyday to greet me.

I'll miss the running up to my legs and sticking hands up to ask me to pick him up.

I'll miss the running around the house chasing the cats to pet them.

I'll miss the curiosity he exudes just about every minute of every hour of every day.

I'll miss watching him grow up like I did during his first year. He was so tiny, and now he is getting so big. I'm proud of him, and happy to be his uncle.

I miss you Jalani.