Born with no control, with no memory to speak of

It's funny! At about this age, most of us can't remember anything that we did or lived through. We have to rely on the stories that we get from our parents. There is one memory that I wish I can remember though. My mom told me that when I was a baby, I used to get out of my crib somehow and turn the TV on. Man I must have been pretty smart then.

In some cases I am glad that I don't remember. You can't see it unless I point it out, but if you ever get the chance to meet me, look at my forehead. I have a scar from when I was a baby. My mom told me that I tripped, hit my head on the bathroom sink and busted my head open. I wonder what I was doing, or trying to do then. Then there is the snip, snip! Females yeah, they have it bad with the PMS thing and all, but what about us guys. When we are fresh from the womb we have to go through a painful (doctors say we don't feel a thing, but I beg to differ) snip, snip of our pReCiOuS which is commonly referred to as a circumcision. I just read in the dictionary, that females can get this too, however it's the males that get this procedure mostly. Whenever I think about it I go, "oh the humanity". The baby oh yeah I forgot, ummmm that's me! Big lip with no eyebrows to speak of. On the back of the picture it says, Born June 18th 1975. Thursday 10:36am". Think 1036 will be my new Win 4 number.

Ablah, you are right...

...most of the time, but what were you thinking when you drew this picture of me?





It doesn't even look like me. You do have my hands anatomically correct to my legs, but my body isn't big enough. It looks like my torso has aged and shriveled up faster than the rest of my body (I'm only 30...argghhhh). Then there is my head! What are you trying to tell me? Do I have a big head? Checking!... No! Am I conceited?(where is my mirror at?)...I don't think so. I think you got the ears right, they are short and they do stick out. I do have big lips! I don't, (repeat) I don't have a mustache! My hair isn't lopsided either. It must be a toupee! I'm losing my hair (nooooooooo!), but I won't be buying one of those. That's why I cut my hair completely off! No toupees!

I wonder if I was wearing the only green shirt in my wardrobe that day, because I really don't like green. It was my old friend Pon's favorite color, but not mine. Yet somehow Ablah you managed to give me a green shirt, and it's part flannel. I may have bad taste in picking clothes, but not that bad. Back to the conceit issue. I know my name, I don't have it embroidered on to any of my jeans, my dear sister. Although I think that is a clever way how you drew it. If I stand still and have both my legs together it spells Charles. It's funny that I can afford some cool pants with my name on them, but I can't get a real pair of Nikes. I guess it's some off brand, or some bootleg version called Vibe.

Just kidding Ablah! I think it's a wonderful picture that you drew of me. I kept a lot of things that you made for me over the years, and I thought I would share one in my journal. I hope you don't mind.

Love,

Charles

P.S. Blogger doesn't know how to spell Toupee! I guess it must never come up, unless it's in my journal.

This is my world now!

In January I did a "Darkside Survey" post, and in the post I asked what could possibly go wrong if I had control of the Universe.

Well I am scaling back a bit. I don't need control of the universe, I'll be happy just taking control of the Earth. If I had control, (which I would never relinquish by the way), I would do some things (insert laugh here). Some of you may like it, but others...Well let's just say they would get some ultimate payback courtesy of Your Friendly Neighborhood Dictator! Here are some things that will change under my reign over the Earth. Did I mention, I get extraordinary powers with this!

1. No one would ever go hungry again!

2. Get rid of the idiot companies that are only trying to find cures for diseases that they can make the most money off of. I would have all of the scientists of the world focus on curing every know disease on Earth.

3. There won't ever be a homeless person ever again!

4. Everyone will live comfortably and peacefully, there won't be any greed or corruption, because no one will be richer than the other.

So far so good right! Well....

5. Anyone that has taken the life of a person (murder) will be hunted down by my Herald "The Repentonator"(Who has been endowed with a portion of my power..LOL), and will be shown the cruel act they committed, from the victims eyes. If they don't repent for what they have done, my Repentonator will annihilate them.

6. Anyone that has done any harm to a person, will have the same harm reflected on to them two fold.

7. Anyone that has ever smoked a cigarette at the bus-stop downtown while I or another non-smoker was there (which is a no smoking area) will be placed in a room with very little oxygen in it, which is being provided by a little tube. In this room there will be 5,000 packs of cigarettes (whatever kind they smoke I don't care). If they want to be let out they have to smoke every single cigarette in those packs, while inhaling the second hand smoke around them, just so they can see how I feel when I can't breathe while I am waiting for the freakin' bus.

8. Everyone on Earth will have to worship the ground Amel Larrieux walks on.

9. Every woman on Earth will have there breasts increased twice the size they are, just so I can see if Dolly Partons will explode.

10. The person that took my yellow bowl and never brought it back will recover every favorite item they ever had, and then lose them again, because I will tie culprit up to a chair and throw there precious items into a flame and make them watch.

11. The neighbor living next door to me that is responsible for throwing there trash in our garbage can will be turned into a living garbage can. They will be able to feel and see, and smell, but they won't be able to move. They will be our garbage can and I will toss the nastiest, most grotesque things in there, and I will encourage everyone in my neighborhood to join in, and then every Wednesday I will enjoy taking the trash to the curb.

12. "Reality" shows based on love will be erased from Ummmm....Reality! Really people, don't you know fake when you see it. There is nothing REAL about the love you see on the Bachelor, or the Bachelorette. There is a song from PM Dawn called "Reality used to be a friend of mine" After watching these shows I would have to say Yeah! Reality TV has turned me into a full blown enemy....ughhh!

You can call 'em campaign promises, but I am not trying to become a candidate for office, and this isn't an election. I am now in control of your world. BwhahahahahaHAAAH! Hitting the Big RED button now to accept changes.

Honesty/Regret

Okay it's 4:33 in the morning and I am up late, because (no surprise) I can't sleep. I guess my body is on overload again. It seems to happen every once and awhile, especially when I have to work 6 days in a row, and out of two of those days I'm closing and then opening the next day.

A couple of days ago I walked to work, which I have been doing a lot of lately. For some reason I saw to pennies on the ground so I picked them up for good luck and to make some wishes. Then it occurred to me. Why don't I ever find any paper money on the ground (the moolah, big money)? I know someone probably shot those pennies on the ground, and I admit that I ain't to proud to pick them up either. My Grandfather taught me that saving anything including pennies is worth it, because even pennies add up! Still though, I don't seem to find any dollah-dollahs on the ground.

Well actually 4 or 5 years back (I can't remember how many years actually, I just remember) I saw a wallet on the ground on Humboldt street, on my way home from work. Like in the video game Indigo Prophecy I had to make some choices, but my choices were affected by a news segment that I saw on News Channel 8 a few years before this. They did a segment on honesty and they put a wallet on the ground to see what someone would do if they saw it and picked it up off the ground. Some kept the wallet and kept trucking, some people were honest and gave it to the person they thought "dropped" it. Guess where News Channel 8 is located???...Humboldt St. I saw a black wallet on the ground, and I saw a guy across the street, sitting on the bench, who "looked" like he was waiting for a bus. What should I do? Should I pick up the wallet? If I do, should I keep it? Where do I turn it in? Is this another one of those honesty segments and am I being used as a guinea pig? Should I just leave it there? I chose to just leave it be. I didn't want any drama to my life and I definitely didn't want to be on TV. I don't know what ever happened to that wallet, I guess I never will. I'm just curious as to what happened to it when someone eventually found it.

Sidenote: This could have been an "Everyday Life" on honesty.

Well there is something else that played a factor into my decision to just leave the wallet there. One day when I was walking to a store called CVS, I saw a ten dollar bill on the ground. I picked it up, and I was like, "This is my lucky day". About 20 feet ahead of me I saw this little girl, who looked like she lost something. I made a decision that still bothers me to this day. I kept the ten dollar bill and went to CVS and went shopping. When I came back out, I saw the little girl sitting on the little wooden fence that went around CVS plaza, talking to a couple of Mormons. She looked upset, and you know what I did, I walked home as if I didn't even care. It never even occurred to me that the money could have been her parents, or that she was going to the store to buy something for mom. For all I know she was going to pick up a prescription. So yes it really bothers me today! The Charles that I am today, regrets what the Charles of my past did.

Now I am trying to make up for that dishonesty, by being honest. When I am at work and I see people drop some money, I make them aware of it. When someone leaves the desk without getting there change, I make them aware of it. When someone gives me too much money I tell them and give it back, although some customers never honestly tell me when I give them too much. NO matter how many times I have honestly given people back there money, it still doesn't make a difference on the regret I have for not giving the girl that $10. Maybe I'm not finding any big dollah- dollahs because, that one day was a test, and I failed. Maybe not, but if this situation ever comes up again, I will give to the person.

Are You Thinking That?

I just found this on Paul's journal. I think it's very interesting. What wordsdo you think describe me? Click the link below and pick the words that you think best describe me.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=cinisoul

Dawn of The Bed

Man, what I wouldn't give for some sleeping pills that would actually work for me. I feel so tired right now, that I am yawning about every 30 seconds. It actually feels like there is a yawn waiting in a line behind the one I just did, as if it was waiting for a amusement park ride to get on. I can't even go back to sleep, I guess I laid in bed too long. My whole body aches and it is being forced to stay awake. Just yawned again (I type about 34 words per minute). Last night I kept getting up, because I drank too many fluids, so I had to go! I let my sister's borrow my DVD player so they could watch Dawn of The Dead. When they finished with it, one of them left my DVD player sitting on the floor of the hallway, which is about half the flight of stairs that lead to my Bedroom/Attic. When I got up at three in the morning I was greeted by it and I came real close to flying down those flight of steps.

Okay I just turned the volume down on my computer speakers, when I started doing the AOL Journal Experience It was and still is a good thing, but there was an unforeseen side effect. Anyone's journal whom I read, and I sent a email too, would automatically be saved into my AOL instant messenger. I have a lot of you guys logging on and offline, with different sounds. The one sound that scares the heck out of me is the door slamming when people log off. I must have had about three possible shocks to my body that could have potentially cause a heart attack. The softest buddy sound, is that of one of my chat buddy's. Hers is a puppy that barks when she logs on or logs off. Mines is a watercooler bubble, which is soft and non-life-threatening. Speaking of AOL IM, I am opening myself up, if you want to chat just type something in, and I will respond. Although I may be a little boring every now and then, or maybe more than not. Lets just say I am more interesting when I am writing my journal entries compared to chatting online or in person. But hey you never know, there is a off chance that you may get me on a good, half sleep, don't know what the heck I am saying day, in which I will start acting like I am a character from Napoleon Dynamite.

I watched Napoleon Dynamite for the first time yesterday after I came home from work, and ate my breakfast/lunch. I must say that, the movie hurt my brain. It was like Grampa Simpson! "You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run out of the house with a big washtub and... Hey! Where are you going?"
"Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. I used my washtub that morning to clean my turkey, which back then was called a 'walking bird'. We had walking bird on Thanksgiving with cranberry sauce, Injun eyes, and yams stuffed with gunpowder. We also sat around and watched football, which back then was called baseball." The movie hurt my brain, there were some funny scenes in it, but it hurt my brain. I was tired, and it hurt my brain. So I took out the movie and gave it back to my sisters and told them that it hurt my brain. Meteor Man didn't have a real plot to it, but at least it had some direction. I don't know if I could have found where I was going even if I was given a road map for Napoleon Dynamite.

Last night I watched "Nature" on PBS. It was called "Animals behaving Worse". All and all there were some pretty bad behaving animals (foxes, squirrels, and frogs, oh my). My favorite was the scene on Barn Swallows. The Barn Swallows made a home at a "Home Depot". To get inside, the Barn Swallows would hover around the door sensor at Home Depot until the door would open and fly inside, and they would do this to get out as well. It had me cracking up, how intelligent is that, animals learning how to get around in our "jungles". Vervets in St. Kitts are stealing alcoholic drinks, and there was a bird, that would steel items that were blue in color, and bring them back to there nest, to impress the female of it's species. It was a very interesting show. I hope they make another one.

Okay I just heard what sounded like a dragon log on the instant messenger, man you'd think I was a anxiety disaster waiting to happen. Later!

Strike 3

First they cancelled the 2:30pm 8 Browncroft bus and turned it into a Wyand Crescent!

Then I was left hanging at a bus stop, because there was an overflow of teenagers heading to school for midterms (this wouldn't be a problem if the Rochester city school district would just stick to cheese buses for all of its students).

Now....NOW RTS has done it! They have decided that they will eliminate the 15 cent transfer, which allows bus riders to transfer from one bus to another, without having to pay another $1.25 for bus fare. They decided to drop the stupid day bus pass from $4.00 to $3.00 with a planned increase to $3.50 in October. At one point "Ridership was up"! At one point there was talk of decreasing the amount of the bus fare. What......All of a sudden ridership is down? Is the poor transit service loosing valuable customers, or are they trying to make money so they can build the terminal in downtown Rochester? I don't see how getting rid of the transfer is going to help bus riders. Some of us rely on the bus to get where we are going. Base fair is $1.25 and the transfer is 15 cents. That is a total of $1.40! If I am just going to one place (lets say to see my doctor), and then head back home, it would only cost me $2.80, with the transfer. Eliminating the transfer and making me get a day pass, which I won't really get any use out of is a waste of some money (not much, but still a waste) When the pass goes up to $3.50 in October, it will be a waste of 70 cents per day. It won't affect my bus ride to work, but it will damn sure effect my doctor's appointments, my trips to the movies, visiting friends, etc. Sometimes I wonder if businesses look for excuses to make more money. Trust me 70 cents will have an impact on people making minimum wage. I wonder if getting a car would be any better?

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Unknown Things About "The Charlester" 1. I still have my first paystub from my current job (It's going on eight years now) 2. When I was 19 I taught myself how to make peanut butter cookies from scratch, since we had a bulk load of peanut butter back then. 3. I had to get three Learner's Permits, before I finally got my Driver's License. 4. I sleep with my fan on...Even during the winter. 5. My parents disagree on what day I was born on. My father says the 17th, and my mother says the 18th. I am going with the parent that gave birth to me. Who would forget the day that they went into labor? 6. I am 30 years older than my first born nephew (That is so wrong). 7.(Freak accident) Someone once ran over my neck with a bicycle, while I was reaching for a fall colored leaf on the ground. 8. When I was a kid I thought cranberries and radishes were the same thing because of a so called friend. Him and his cousin played a prank on me and I bit into a radish. Let me just say that radishes taste horrible. If you ever want to find alternative methods of punishment on your children, try using radishes for breakfast, radishes for for lunch, radishes for dinner. I guarantee it will set them straight. 9. When I was in elementary school I used to go to a day care not to far from my school. There were these two guys that watched over the group I was in. They both called me "onion", and I didn't know why until I got older. It was because I smelled bad. I can still remember one of the guys names...Zeek! 10. I got kicked out of that day care, because Zeek and the other guy instigated a fight between me and another kid. I gave the kid a bloody nose. 11. The first car accident that I was ever in, was also a accident that sent my mom to the hospital with a concussion and swollen forehead, because she hit her head on the steering wheel. It was our fault (my sister Chandra and I) because we were acting up, and she was trying to get us to behave. Although mom had the right of way because she was going straight, and the car that hit us (which was on the other side of the road) was turning left into our path. 12. Two of the most expensive toys that my mom ever gotten me when I was a kid, were destroyed by my first and second siblings. Both toys were ironically Christmas presents, that were purchased two consecutive years apart from each other. The first year was a Transformer called Metroplex, which was a rather big toy. It transformed from a Autobot base to a "Gigantic Robot". My sister sat on him and crushed him in half. The second year was a Atari 2600. One night I was up late playing it, and my brother Jevon (who was a toddler at the time) wanted to play E.T. The Extraterrestrial. I let him play, and the next day when I woke up, my Atari wouldn't work. He left it on all night. 13. When I buy things, I tend to buy them "Brand New". I really don't like to buy things used, although I will be buying a used car. I don't like buying used things, because I had used things, and "hand me downs" for most of my life. I didn't even have a brand new bed, until I bought it myself with my income taxes in 1999. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I'll add you here!)

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Let Me Straighten This Out One More Time

Okay I must admit that this is really beginning to bother me now. Nothing against New York City (I want to visit someday), but can you guys please lend us a hand or something. Okay there are some people out there (mostly in the south from what I can tell, but not everyone) who assume that, because WE (being New York State residents that don't live in NYC) live in New York State, it means that we live in New York City.

Lets get it straight, I reside in New York State. I never say "New York" anymore, because they automatically think NYC. Now I add "State" to "New York", and people still think New York City. My hometown is Rochester, New York. Rochester is a city in Upstate New York, that doesn't even come close to the funding that New York City gets. New York City is big, but it isn't the size of "Springfield" on the Simpsons. Rochester is not a County, and it isn't a borough either. It is a city in it's own right. We may not have the Statue of Liberty, and we may have never have Buildings as tall as The Twin Towers were or The Empire State Building, but we have some things of note. We are the home of Eastman Kodak, (I bet you have used there film before), the home of Bausch and Lomb, and the home of Nick Tahou's Garbage Plate (if you can survive it, it's pretty good, but very greasy. You could end up in the bathroom all night).

Sometimes whenever I have to deal with this, I feel a big weight on my shoulders as if I have to live up to someone else's expectations. Sorry to disappoint, but I live in "The Flower City", not "The Big Apple". Besides how many cities can boast that they had an interstate highway called "The Can of Worms"

No Valentine for me this year

This is how I'm feeling right now on this Valentines Day!

Janet Jackson-Where Are You Now

love, my love
I regret the day you went away
I was too young
to understand my love
but now I realize my mistakes

(chorus):
where, where are you now
now that I'm ready to
ready to love you the way you loved me then
where are you now
do you still think of me
or does your heart belong to someone else's

love, oh my love
I wonder sometimes were you just a dream
I sit in the dark wondering if our paths
will ever cross again
oh lord I need to know

I sit and wonder

(chorus):
where, where are you now
now that I'm ready to
ready to love you the way you loved me then
where are you now
do you still think of me
or does your heart belong to someone else's
if I close my eyes and make a wish
when they open will you be right here with me
where are you now
now that I'm ready to
ready to love you the way you loved me then

Could it be that two people were meant to be
in my dreams that's what I feel
or could it be that I'll never see you
again.....
my love that was so true
still I'll sit here waiting all alone
by the phone for you

I sit and wonder

(chorus):
where, where are you now
now that I'm ready to
ready to love you the way you loved me then
where are you now
do you still think of me
or does your heart belong to someone else's
if I close my eyes and make a wish
when they open will you be right here with me
where are you now
now that I'm ready to
ready to love you the way you loved me then

Everyday Life 15

Responsibility

When you are a child you learn responsibility as you grow older. From learning to go potty, to learning how to tie your shoe laces, to doing your homework, to starting a family of your own. You become more and more responsible for your actions and held accountable for them as you grow older. Some people are more responsible than others.

Recently within three months of each other, my till was short twice at $100 dollars each. I suspected that one of my co-workers was stealing from me. Now I'm not so sure it was the one who I suspected. I'm not sure of anything anymore. It just didn't make sense that I was exactly $100 short both times. I am held responsible when the till is short when I am on the register. Do I think it's fair when the person who had the till before me is the only one there to count it, and no one else is there to monitor them...No! Then again, no one is there to see me count my till either. I did realize that I had to make a change so I can prevent the possibility of a thief from stealing money my drawer. I changed the password, because our passwords were the same as our cashier number. So if I am short, I have eliminated this as a possibility. Now if only I can correct the issue of getting my own till.



This next one is a doozy! Every Wednesday is Garbage day in my neighborhood. I am responsible for taking out the trash in my house. See The picture above, my house is the one that I highlighted with in a bubble (The color of our house is actually blue). To the left of our house there is our driveway, and our neighbors house. Our neighbors, well I should say Our Neighbor's children (three boys) aren't. Okay Last Wednesday's garbage day came along, and they didn't take there trash down to the curb. I know they use our driveway to take it down. I understand it's because they don't have any other alternative, other than taking it down the stairs. Our driveway is on a hill. So is are houses. So it can be tough during the winter. Not to mention the fact that my Step on me father parks his van at the base of the hill at night. Sometimes I forget to take it down on Tuesday before I leave to go to work, but I am responsible enough to know that I have to get it down in time for garbage day.

Tuesday morning comes, (nothing). Tuesday afternoon comes, and not a budge of the garbage bin. Tuesday night comes and my Step on me father parks his van in the usual spot. I roll our garbage bin out to the curb via the stairs that lead to our house. The neighbor's children just let it sit there. Now there garbage is overflowing from there garbage bin. I can see bags and Nike shoe boxes hanging out of it. To make matters worse, when we came back from my brother Jevon's surgery, my sister Chandra noticed footprints leading up to our garbage bin. I went and looked inside it. At first I thought some squirrels got inside and ripped our bags apart, but then I noticed to small pizza boxes from Domino's Pizza. Come to think of it, I didn't even see any bags. We don't eat Domino's! So I looked at the footprints to see where they were coming from. They led straight up to our neighbors house. I looked at the can and looked at the prints, and then I did a double take. Then I went inside the house and got our key to our garage, and I locked our bin in there, where it will remain until Wednesday. I heard one of them complain from inside there house, when I did this (Oh well). I can see if they asked me to use it, but NO! So I made the decision to keep it from them. We have enough of our own garbage, we don't need someone irresponsible adding to ours. You can only take so much. Maybe now they will become more responsible. Maybe now they will take there garbage bin to the curb every Wednesday like they are supposed too. Maybe this upcoming garbage day, they will realize that it's there responsibility. Hopefully!

Okay class today's test is a fun one...

...and you get to use your calculator during it. Aren't I a very nice teacher.

This is a math trick that one of my co-workers showed me.

1. Grab a calculator (Unless your a freakin' genius, in which case, can I have some of your brains)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (not counting your area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1.00
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number. (Example 1234.00) (I am adding the decimal point just in case your using a adding machine, because I was having a problem with it. It kept putting 12.34 instead of the desired 1234.00)
7. Repeat step six
8. Subtract 250.00
9. Divide by 2

Do you recognize the answer???? Who takes the time to figure these things out...Cool!

Everything is fine

My brother's surgery on his hand went well. We thought at first that it was going to take forever, but it was fairly quick. It was the waiting for the doctors to finish with other patients, and get prepped for Jevon's surgery that took forever. Oh and they had to prep him too, which took long also. We noticed that family members got to go inside and see the patients before the surgery, and some of them had gotten there after us. At first my sister and I thought that maybe, just maybe they had already taken him, but to are surprise they asked us if we wanted to see him. Obviously we were like "Yeah" (DuH)! We went in there and saw him hooked up to a blood pressure machine, which also takes his pulse. They also had one of those things that they put in your nose (I have no idea what they are called, will somebody please enlighten me). They had an IV in his arm also.

Jevon was drugged up! Not only did they give him something to numb his entire left arm, but they also gave him something to knock him out. He couldn't feel his arm at all. When the nurse asked him to push away her arm, he couldn't. I could have given him a noogie like I did when we were kids, without a struggle. Should have went for it. My Brother has got to be one of the most stubborn people I ever met. He was fighting his sleep, and if any of you remember the post I wrote about when Jevon watched how the doctors were changing the dressing on my friend Randi's surgical scar, should remember how enthusiastic he was at seeing this.

(Sidenote, I just went to look for that post on my AOL journal, and its gone!)

He was when it came to his surgery. I mean Jevon was determined to see it, he was fighting his sleep, as if it was going to be his last. He even joke about how he was going to pretend to be sleep so he could take a sneak peak at what was going on. What made this even funnier, yet futile was the fact that the nurse told him that they were going to have something up blocking his view so he wouldn't be able to see. She mentioned that they were going to be using some kind of camera, and Jevon said he wanted a picture. The nurse told him that it wasn't that kind of camera and he laughed. I told him that I should have brought my digital camera to have them take the pics, he got a bit of a laugh out of that one. I think we were all scared and nervous, but my sister and I chose not to show how we felt in front of Jevon. In fact we talked about things completely different for the most part.

We started talking about when Jevon was a baby. How whenever a woman would walk by and notice him, they would say how cute he was. My nephew Jalani got the same response while we were at the the surgical center. Just about every woman including the nurses, kept asking about him, saying how cute he is. Jevon was like, "That's my Nephew"!

When they wheeled Jevon to the operating room, it only took about 15-30 minutes to complete his surgery. Jevon said that they got him with the oxygen mask. He fell asleep when they put it on. I laughed my butt off when he said this.
They had to place his bone in his hand the correct way, and then drill screws into it. They should fall out in about three weeks hopefully. If he hadn't got the surgery, his pinky hand would have been hanging down, and he wouldn't have been able to grip anything. So I am glad he made the decision, even though my mom suggested that he get a second opinion.

He went and stayed at his girlfriends house, however Mr. Stubborn went to work this morning. I hope he doesn't do anything that aggrivates his hand.

My ventilation system

I guess I am really in a bad place right now. I had a epiphany of sorts last night when I was going to bed. I think I wrote this weird habit before, but I'm not sure. I have this heavy duty fan, kind of like the ones firefighters use to ventilate homes after a fire. I bought one, because my bedroom is in the attic. It can get pretty hot up there during the summer. Here comes the weird part! I also use it during the winter too! At first I thought it was because of the noise outside (Cars driving by, noisy neighbors, barking dogs...Etc). Here comes the epiphany! I realized that it wasn't the noise outside that I was trying to block out, it was the noise on the inside...Of me! I was trying to drown it out, before it drowned me, but all I could really to is numb it a little, just enough where I could eventually doze off. Last night I realized this when I tried to sleep with my fan off (it was so cold). I couldn't though, I waited until I heard a noise (stepfather coughing) and I got up and turned the fan on.

Whether it be loneliness (I turn the fan on)
Whether it is regret (I turn the fan on)
Whether it be anxiety (I turn the fan on)
Whether it is Doubt (I turn the fan on)
Whether it be depression (I turn the fan on)
Whether it is anger (I turn the fan on)

My brother twisted a bone in the hand that he punched the wall with two Saturdays ago. So now he is gonna have to have surgery today to fix it. I am a little nervous, and a little scared. He asked me and my sister to go with him. I can't help but think that somehow this is my fault from when I misbehaved as a teen. I am going with him to support him, but I dunno what to do. I just wish I could at least help him to control some of his anger. Yep I am in a pretty dark place right now!

Limited Space In My Wallet (Remixed)

I decided to put a previous entry from my AOL journal here. So What do you have in your wallet?

Limited Space In My Wallet-June 29, 2005

I was sitting at home watching T.V. (I was actually enjoying the commercials more than the shows) Then one of those stupid Capital One commercials came on asking, "What's In Your Wallet". So then I began to enter into one of my Hmmmm modes and started to look in my wallet and I noticed that I have a lot of cards in my wallet, but most of them save me money instead of giving it to me! I wish one of them could give me money free don't you! It also got me to thinking, "How many club cards are out there in the world?

Here's the ones that I could come up with:

1. Library card (Yes): This card started it all. You have to join in order to take out books, and you better bring them back on time or your butt is screwed, because you have to pay a late fee.

2. Blockbuster Card: They used to have a late fee(I wonder what's the Catch). Now you can keep it as long as you want.

3. Hollywood Video

4. Ahold Stores (Tops, Martins, Giant's "Bonus Cards")

5. Wegmans "Shoppers Club Card"(Tops competition)

6. CVS's "Extra Care Card" 7. Dicks "Score Card"

8. Best Buys "reward zone" Card

9. Piercing Pagoda card(I had this card until I got rid of my ear piercing)

10. Foot locker

That's how many I have in my brain, a little over half of those are in my wallet,whetss in yours and how many can you think of or are aware of?

February 7, 2006
I have another card to add to that list. Regal Cinemas Card, I don't even use that card. I haven't been to the movies in awhile, and the last few times I went I forgot to use the damn thing, and the clerk didn't even mention it. "Would you like to get a combo today sir"? "Would you like to by a bag of JuJu's with that"? The "card" is just frustrating! Now that I think about it, I think I would rather have cards, than eyes. In the Movie "Minority Report" there were scanners, that scanned peoples eyes, to see who they are, and what they purchased, so they could make an offer to that customer. It seemed so real, as if it could happen some day. Creepy! Like a violation!

Spectral Analysis of some things on the brain.

Get your own spectral analysis from Area 23®

How fitting that my favorite color was chosen for this "spectral analysis". Well I really haven't been in a mood to blog lately. See that black line in the analysis up there. That black spot in the middle is like melancholy in my heart at the moment. It's totally messing up the blue (peace) in my heart.

Secret Sentence is postponedindefinitelyy. I was hoping that the winner of it was going to send me a sentence. Even so, I just wasn't feeling the same about it. Just plain old blogging for now. I was thinking about doing something else. It's a little more fun to me. I don't even know how I came up with the idea. I'll have to get back on it though.

Last night and old friend came to visit me. The fluffy, white stuff, that falls from the sky. Yes this friend fell, and fell, and his friend Mr.Windd was blowing him sideways into my nose. I couldn't see a thing when I was walking home, and then it happened.

Snow, my dear friend snow

You left me here and I didn't know...

If you'd come back this winter, or if you had to go

At one point I put away my winter coat

It got so warm I lost my sore throat

You must have ran away with Ms. Cold

You can't live without her is whatI'mm told

Now your back and last night you gave me a gift

You surprised me, because you hid it

underneath your pile of white fluff

what doesn't kill you makes you tough

I must say I can't dance

but my pal snow you made me prance

not once, not twice, not three, but four

Ms. Ice almost had me once more

Her dances are just too much

they can break some bones or break your butt

I must say you tricked me well

I hurt my legs, but I never fell

I think the bags in my hand kept me somewhat balanced, because they were heavy. The last time that I slipped was a pretty bad slip.That'ss where I hurt my left leg, and this morning I realized that the bone in my left foot was hurting too. I am a Desperatee Car Needer".

I just want to think Brandy for making this animated Gif for me. It's so cool! She made another one for me in all Capitals, but I like this one more. Thanx Brandy

Okay Chris you asked for it!

Chris Tagged me, to open up my media player, or my MP3 player and post whets in my playlist. Let me just say that I LOVE music, you can ask my family, you can ask my co-workers. It has to be artistic music though. Music with meaning. A lot of these rappers and singers out here today don't know how to be creative. They aren't very artistic. Half of the time it seems like rappers are just trying to find words to rhyme with (Eminem being the exception). With the singers, it seems like some of them have the voice, but they just don't have the ability to sing from the heart. Sadly I am not the only one who uses this computer, so I don't have my own playlist. Between my sisters, my brother and I, there hast to be over 500 songs on our computer. However I have one playlist that is called 5 stars, that is mostly all mines. Chris, Chris, Chris (LOL), you should have some idea of what it is that I like. Just scroll down my journal to this entry, and see. It's time for an overdose of Amel Larrieux!

Groove Theory (Amel Larrieux and Bryce P. Wilson)

• Ten Minute High
• Time Flies
• Ride
• Come Home
• Baby Luv
• Tell Me (Top Ten)
• Hey U
• Hello It's Me
• Good To Me
• Angel
• Keep Tryin
• You're Not The 1
• Didja know
• Boy At The Window

Infinite Possibilities

• Get Up (Was Featured On Days Of Our Lives in a restaurant while Shaun And Bell Were talking).
• INI
• Sweet Misery
• Searchin' For My Soul
• Even If
• Infinite Possibilities
• Shine
• Down
• Weather
• Make Me Whole

Bravebird

• For Real
• Bravebird
• Dear To Me
• All I Got
• Beyond
• We Can Be Knew
• Giving Something Up!
• Your Eyes
• Congo (Get to con, get to con, Congo...Get to con, get to Congo....) LOL
• Sacred
• Say You Want It All
• All I Got 2

Other songs involving Amel Larrieux

• Never Enough-Groove Theory
• Believe In Love-Amel Larrieux
• Now You Know Better-Amel Larrieux
• Glitches (The Skin Your In) The Roots Featuring Who else: Amel Larrieux
• what's Come Over Me-Glenn Lewis Featuring Amel Larrieux
• Where Is The Love-Glenn Lewis and Amel Larrieux (Grammy nominated Baby!)
• Sophisticated Lady-Amel Larrieux

Are You dizzy yet, have you gotten an Amel Larrieux hangover?

Okay you might think that all I listen to is Amel Larrieux, and your about 70% right! The other 30% of the time is various artists and music. Here's a sample!

• Miss You-Aaliyah
• Rock The Boat
• End Of The Road-Boyz II Men
• A Song For Momma-Boyz II Men
• Is It For Me-Crystal Waters
• Storyteller-Crystal Waters
• Bring Me To Life-Evanesence
• Going Under-Evanesence
• Hello-Evanesence
• My Immortal-Evanesence
• Memory Of Light And Wave-Final Fantasy X-2 Soundtrack (The music playing on my Journal)
• Let's Stay Together-Guy
• Promises-India Arie
• Strength, Courage, & Wisdom-India Arie
• Back To The Middle India Arie
• Where Are You Now-Janet Jackson
• To Zanarkand-Final Fantasy X Soundtrack
• Lose Yourself-Eminem
• Missing You-Case
• All I Do Is Think Of You-Troop
• Spread My Wings-Troop
• Santa Monica-Theory Of A Deadman
• I don't wanna Smile-Total
• Rain-Total
• Trippin'-Total
• Eternal-Stay
• Eternal-Let's Stay Together
• Dreamin'-Vanessa Williams
• Save The Best For Last-Vanessa Williams
• We're Not Making Love-Dru Hill
• Can't Let Go-Mariah Carey
• Love Takes Time-Mariah Carey
• You Remind Me-Mary J. Blige
• Real Love-May J. Blige
• It's For You-Shanice
• Always-Atlantic Starr
• Take A Bow-Madonna and Babyface
• Follow The Leader-Rakim
• Microphone Fiend-Rakim
• Move The Crowd-Rakim
• Let The Rhythm Hit 'Em-Rakim
• You Gotta Be-Des'ree
• Spending My Time With You-Toni Braxton
• I Miss You-Klymaxx (I used to play this song {still Do} whenever I thought/think about or missed/miss my dad). Mostly when he would bring me back home, after I spent the weekend at his house. I would just cry, and cry!

Most of these songs are songs that I listened to with my heart. Inspirational songs (Amel Larrieux). I told you I loved listening to music. That is on my/our playlists, but those are mines! What do you listen too???

I tag: Chuck, Brandy, and Jackie

B-E-A-utiful

I watched Bruce Almighty a couple of nights ago, and I can say there were points in the movie that I can say I relate too. I'm not saying that I am being punished by God, I'm just saying that you do something good sometimes, and then you get kicked down for it. Life can be a challenge.

Back Down Memory Lane 2:

It's 2000

There are always bumps in the road, like unforeseen bumps to the head by a nail stuck in the ceiling of a doorway whose height is shorter than mines. The bleeding wouldn't stop, and I ended up paying a hefty emergency bill, because I didn't have insurance.

I got over that one, and then the next obstacle hit me. One day I go to work to pick up my paycheck. It was just like any other Thursday, but the only difference is I open my check and see something abnormal. My check was TWICE the amount of what I would normally make. My jaw dropped, I was in shock when I saw the Check. I was trying to figure out how and why this happened, when I looked up at my pay-stub and saw that, there were two "Regular Pays" for forty-eight hours each. I ended up with a check for 96 hours worth of pay (gross amount $872.96). Then you know what I did??? I honestly told Our office manager (to her surprise), and then she told me that I can go and talk to the person in charge of payroll. I went and I told the payroll clerk. She called the payroll department, and it was ultimately decided, that they would correct the error, by taking it out of my paycheck for the next two weeks.

One week came along I new about it($89.19), then two weeks ($2.76), and I was hanging in there. Then three weeks (did I mention it was supposed to be two weeks), and I got frustrated. I went to the payroll clerk, and I told her about this error. She called the payroll department, and told them about this error. They figured out how much I was owed, and she asked me, if I could wait until next weeks paycheck to get the money that I was owed. I couldn't wait until next week (the reason why is lost at the moment), so I asked for a pay advance. A fourth week passes, and I notice a $100 pay advance subtracted from my check. How can they subtract from my check, something which I was owed? Where did I go...To the payroll clerks office again! Did they fix this problem...No! I had the same issue the fifth week, and I also got a check in the mail for $100. Now I'm confused, the payroll clerk is confused, and the woman that we called on the other end of the line is confused. Finally the woman at the payroll department decided to just leave it be. I get to cash the $100 check for the first $100 that was taken out as a repay advance during the fourth week, and they would add $100 on to my check the following week (following me?).

Finally I got to the point where I didn't care anymore, because I was tired of the problems, I just wanted to get paid. Honesty is supposedly the best policy, and I was honest so why didn't things go right? Sure I stole things when I was a kid, but I learned my lesson when my coat was stolen from me during the winter of my freshman year in high school (read previous post). Everything happens for a reason, your struggles, your pain, your triumphs, but it's your pain and struggles that define who your are, not your victories. Your victories add confidence! There was a quote in Bruce Almighty similar to what I just typed in my above in this paragraph. Some days I just want to be a blasphemer, but I know that it isn't anyone's fault. S#!% happens! Do unto others!

Employee Theft (AOL Post April 6th, 2005)

This was a post that I wrote on April 6, 2005! I am posting it here, because it's kind of relevant to the entry that I am writing at the moment!

Yesterday was a very shocking day for me. I've seen associates steal from work, but I never would have expected it from this kid "T". He's a very nice and a very articulate kid, he never got complaints, only compliments as far as I know. He went out of his way for people, I do to, but not as much as he would. He would volunteer to do carry-outs, help customers take there groceries out of there carts and put them on the belt...etc.

"T"started working on the front end at 3pm, when he was on his break he came up to the service desk and handed in a $4.20 bottle script (receipt used to get money for cashing in bottles) to my friend Shannon. She cashes it in and waits until he walks away and tells me that this is his second bottle script within a week. She didn't see "T" put any bottles into our machines (there right in front of the desk). She calls our Customer Service Manager and tells her about him cashing it. The CSM looked into it and there was a $4.20 bottle script in the report for his register. They still didn't have enough proof, so I told Shannon to look at the time on the bottle script. She wasn't aware that there was a time or a date on it. When she finally looked it showed the date and time right down to the second. Military time, 15:20:--(3:20pm). "T" started work at 3pm. So the CSM came up with this clever idea to bait him. She had me print up a bottle script for $7.75 from our little register that we use when customers turn in there glass bottles.(another journal entry) I did and she sent (our receiver) down to get it. We gave it to him and he went through "T's" line, and cashed it in. All we had to do is wait, and they eventually got him on camera taking the bottle scripts and putting them on the side of his register. Then when it was time for him to go "T" grabbed them and went to go punch out. I have no idea how they didn't notice him doing this before, but If I am the CSM, I will be keeping a close eye on those bottle script reports. It makes me kind of wonder if there is anyone else doing that. I also think Shannon deserves some credit, whether it be a $50 gift card or a raise, because she is always catching people stealing. Whether it be employees or customers, she always gets her man or woman.(lol) I used to call her eagle eyes, because she could always spot something out of the ordinary. GO Shannon!
later!

Sooner!

I took a break from the computer, and while I was away I was thinking about thefts in general. Robberies, burglaries in general it had me thinking why do people do it. You know the story of Robin Hood (Steal from the rich, and give to the poor), that's a very noble cause, but what about these people out here today robbing the the rich and the poor. I'm not suggesting that we should go out and rob rich people, its just that people out there are struggling out there to make ends meat, are being robbed at gunpoint, homes broken into, or worse. I just wonder where these people's morals are when they commit these acts. Do they have a conscience? Do they ever wonder how taking things from people that wasn't given to them will affect that person. When I was a kid I took things that wasn't mine(mostly food) because I was hungry and I didn't want what my mom was cooking for dinner. I learned my lesson one day though. My first year at John Marshall High School, my winter coat was stolen out of my locker along with my house keys. It was a good coat (my favorite coat, but it wasn't worth much). When I told one of my teachers, she sent me to the principals office. They called my mom and she told them to send me to her job. The school wasn't responsible for locker thefts, so they never reimbursed me for my coat. So the school gave me 2 bus tokens and sent me on my way in the freezing cold with nothing but the clothes I had on which included a short sleeve shirt. I had to wait 20 minutes for a bus to come and I had people looking at me like I was crazy at the bus stop and on the bus, until someone asked me, "where's your coat?" I was so humiliated but I answered back hoping that I wouldn't feel people staring at me anymore. I felt very embarrassed and anxious. I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy. From that day on I vowed not to ever take things that didn't belong to me.

Am I Thinking That? (Explicit Mode)

Favorite quote on my mind at the moment: From Bruce Almighty-"Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey. Time for you to go home, little buddy".

Listening to: Kermit and Big Bird Stoned on Sesemea Street (I have the audio saved to my computer thanks to my weed smokin' friend and her 248 songs that she downloaded to her hard drive which I am in possession of now...Long Story). If you hadn't noticed I am looking for things to make me laugh.

Ya Know, at first I didn't even know if I was up for writing in my journal. I still feel a little saddened from Last Saturday's events. Still feel distracted a little weak, but I managed to find a little bit of a distraction, from some inspiration via the memory card in my phone. My emotions are still out of whack though. I will not hesitate to post how I truly feel at the moment.

Yesterday when I was at work, I had this customer who is...Well...He looked like Igor’s Big fat ASS brother. Or maybe you can say he looked like the The Hunchback Of Notre Dame . In any case, can you tell I hate this guy (oh yeah). This guy is pretty big, and he probably could kick my butt and all, just by sitting down on me. He came to my job and paid his phone bills (emphasize the illssss). Okay at first I was like "Okay I know I don't like this guy, but I can still help him, and get him out of here". Okay I am going about my business, and as soon as I say may I help you, I get overwhelmed, by this, smell to end all smells. I mean it was so gross, I wanted to puke my brains out and stuff my nose inside them. It smelled like he let every cat in the neighborhood piss on him, while he bathed in week old kitty litter. I just wanted to go into my uncontrollable beserker rage (like I am doing right here). All I can say is that I get to go off now, because of the torture I endured at work. He hands me a phone bill and I am like okay I can handle this, just take shallow breaths. I finish it, and he must have known that I knew that he smelled, because he says with an attitude, "Oh I'm not done yet, I have way more". I guess I can blow the shallow breaths out the window, and my stink breath into his face. He had another phone bill, and six money orders. Ten minutes of torture that I had to endure, it's little comfort, that there was a woman standing right next to him waiting to be helped. I felt bad for her!

Question: If a tree falls down in a forest, and no one was there to see, does it still make a sound?

Okay that is a philosophical question that has been asked for ages, but try answering my philosophical question. If a Elderly person walks into a store with a walker, and does not walk out with it, did the Elderly person leave?



I'm still trying to figure that one out! Did aliens come kidnap him/her? Did they shrivel up into a raisin and eventually turn into ashes? Did someone kidnap the person in question take them to there lab and do experiments on them on how not to age, in turn finding a "Fountain Of Youth" cure for aging? Or maybe it was the walker that forgot to bring it's owner. Sometimes I forget to zip up my fly, but this is way out there. I mean how did this person come in the store, and just leave without remembering that they need a walker to aid them in there endeavor to walk. We've got lost gloves, canes, umbrellas, wallets, keys, glasses, id's/cards, a Crystal Method CD, but the walker is a new one for me.

On a final note. Ari has taken time off from journaling. I'm going to miss her. Come to think of it, Tilly of "Adventures of a desperately fat housewife" hasn't written in awhile either.