Monday, January 09, 2006

Secret Sentence X

Below, I wrote a journal entry and in my entry there are Blue words in bold scattered throughout it. The object of the game is to form the correct sentence from the words that I have given you! I will be giving you a dummy word to make it a little more difficult. The people who guess correctly will be put in a drawing of sorts, and the winner gets to have a sentence of their choice in the next "Secret Sentence"! However, the winner cannot guess in the next "Secret Sentence" if they submit a sentence in. I will take guesses until Thursday and post the answer on Friday!

The last Secret Sentence winner was Galen Brannagh, and I must say that this weeks SS is going to be a toughie! I didn’t think I would ever get one this long, but hey I still like it. Oh and Galen, I don’t think it’s lame!

Secret Sentence X: Remember this math (p~q)

Tuesday when I was at work, it was boring for the most part, until my co-worker went on break and then all hell broke loose. I had to fend for myself, so I moved as fast as I could, just to keep the line from reaching the exit. No managers ever came to check on how I was doing and, and when I was done with the chaotic situation, I didn’t even get a “Nice Job” like some of the other employees there. Every time I work my butt off not a peep, but if I do something wrong, I hear something for sure. I just want them to notice the positive and not just the negative. I guess it’s because I am not a part of there little click. I don’t want nothing to do with, the drama at my job. I just want to work and go home. I am so tired of the he said she said crap, and the stories about how someone got drunk and acted like a fool at some party. It’s like high school, and some of these people there are my age or older.

I went to the laundry mat today (no crazy women this time either). While I was there I actually managed to read three chapters in Eddie Guerrero’s book. I couldn’t get any kind of flow Tuesday night, while I was at work. Usually it’s quiet there and no one comes to the desk, but not last Tuesday. While I was at the Laundry mat, I learned something about myself. There were two young ladies there washing there clothes and one of them seemed interested in me. They both had kids, but that wasn’t the problem. I came to realize that I’m not confident in myself. Part of me wanted to say something to her, but I didn’t. I was interested, and I even stared at her reflection in the dryer glass while the door was open.

I think it’s because I’m not happy with the situation that I put myself in. I am 30 and I work at a grocery store, plus I am still at home (mainly because I don't want to live alone) and let’s be honest, this is not a good thing (NO)! I realize that this is part of what has been nagging me for a long time. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship and not be dependant of others, especially my mother. Although I do pay rent and the phone bill, I still think it’s time to move on with my life and move out. The heart of the issue is low self-esteem and Anxiety problems. Personally I think I just don’t love myself. So how could you love someone if you don’t love yourself? I don’t know, but that I do know that this question has been bothering me for a long time now.

Another thing is my weight. Well to be more precise, it’s my body’s physical condition. I’m not grotesquely obese, but I’m not at what would be considered my ideal weight either. I actually want to be in the shape (I’m flabby LOL) I was when I was 13. I used to ride my bicycle all of the time and lift weights. Somewhere along the line of aging, I lost the will to exercise, and I began to blame the pain emanating from my childhood ankle injury.

Okay so it’s 2006 so I should have resolutions right (WRONG)! I can’t solve everything in 2006. I can try, but there isn’t anyway for me to get everything done in one year, which is why I don’t make new years resolutions, I make goals. These goals don’t even have to include a clause in it requiring me to get my act together before 2007, because that is crazy, and it’s actually a bad thing sometimes to have a deadline. So I won’t be any having resolutions.

Goal Number One: My independence is a key to my happiness. If I don’t do this I will never achieve any of my other goals, so I will make this goal happen.

Goal Number two: Getting a car is important, because I can go and find better jobs with better pay in other areas, instead of one 1.86 miles from my home. Plus I can go anywhere I want, when I want to, and whenever I am ready, and I don’t have to worry about someone changing there mind. I would only have to worry about the car breaking down (joy). I guess I just have to make sure that I get a car that is worth every penny that I paid for it and not one that is worth a nickel. I heard that there is a monthly car auction in the town of Victor somewhere. Maybe I will check it out.

Goal Number Three: Getting my body back in shape is important to me, because I feel tired all of the time. My lack of exercise may also be a reason why I have trouble sleeping at night two. I am thinking about creating a journal for exercise and learning how to love myself, but I am having trouble on where to start.

Goal Number Four: Find My Soul Mate!

I’m sure I have many more goals than this, but these are the main ones, I could have put go back to college, but I have to see about that after I get my own place.


Ari said...

You know, it's funny, but we often see ourselves differently than others see us. I see no reason why you shouldn't feel confident. You're a very attractive guy, Charles. And while it is good to be healthy (yeah I should work out more, too) don't let that stop you from finding your soul mate. You don't have to be He-Man in order to be in love.

The world is yours for the taking. You just have to step out and take it.


Galen Brannagh said...

You know what, Charles, by spelling out these goals, you have already come a long, long way. I promise you, there are plenty of girls who would love to be with somebody who is goal-oriented and focused. It's a big plus, I can assure you.

I second what Ari said... you are a great-looking guy, so the physical aspect shouldn't hinder you.

You work on getting yourself Free and getting some Wheels... and I am willing to bet money that the rest of your goals will fall into place. Why? Because getting free and mobile are two MAJOR ways of loving yourself.

I'm rooting for ya, Charles!

Ari said...

If I had a nickel for everytime I paid for body work, I wouldn't have one.

My guess of the day!