Thursday, January 11, 2007

I hate the laundromat

Why does awkward stuff always happen to me at the laundromat?

This time I was washing my clothes when all of a sudden a former co-worker shows up to wash her clothes. Problem is, she is a former co-worker that I had a crush on. Normally I wouldn't have any problems talking to her, but her boyfriend came with her.

So I got all nervous and I really couldn't say much. She asked about my brother. I told her he was fine and such, but after that I didn't have much else to say. I get so nervous, whether its because of someone I like, or trying to carry a conversation in general, I just choke.

It's nothing personal (well maybe it is just a little), but she was one of the few people that I could open up to, and now a couple of years later after she left and went to a different store, we finally catch up to each other....

What could this possibly mean?

Well I took it as a sword to the chest, because it kind of reminds me of opening up an old wound. Someone else that I didn't have the courage to tell how I feel. It probably doesn't matter anyways. I don't feel like I belong. No one understands me. I have always felt like I was alone on one island, while everyone else was together on another. Hell she probably thought I was weird when I took the picture. Maybe I jumping to conclusions, but nobody seems to see things the way I see them.


I didn't take that picture because of the change machine. I took it because I was reflecting on that word. It has more than one meaning, and I want to CHANGE. I would like to be able to carry a conversation, or say how I truly feel, but I don't know how. There was only one person my entire life who ever came and sat down next to me and said hi, and I have lost her forever too. Maybe my thoughts are a little erratic right now, but my feelings aren't.

There is that saying, "You can't teach an old dog, new tricks". If that is true, than I might as well be put down, because I don't want to be alone anymore.


Jeff said...

Take comfort in knowing that most "real" people feel the way you do at least periodically.

shari said...

Yeah, Charles, many people definitely feel like you described, but not very many are expressive and honest enough to expose their vulnerabilities. That is a great quality. :)

Ari said...

Charles, just dropping you a note to inform you that I miss the heck out of ya.


redsneakz said...

My brother,
You can change yourself. It's a constant struggle, but you can. I have great faith in you.