I hate the laundromat

Why does awkward stuff always happen to me at the laundromat?

This time I was washing my clothes when all of a sudden a former co-worker shows up to wash her clothes. Problem is, she is a former co-worker that I had a crush on. Normally I wouldn't have any problems talking to her, but her boyfriend came with her.

So I got all nervous and I really couldn't say much. She asked about my brother. I told her he was fine and such, but after that I didn't have much else to say. I get so nervous, whether its because of someone I like, or trying to carry a conversation in general, I just choke.

It's nothing personal (well maybe it is just a little), but she was one of the few people that I could open up to, and now a couple of years later after she left and went to a different store, we finally catch up to each other....

What could this possibly mean?

Well I took it as a sword to the chest, because it kind of reminds me of opening up an old wound. Someone else that I didn't have the courage to tell how I feel. It probably doesn't matter anyways. I don't feel like I belong. No one understands me. I have always felt like I was alone on one island, while everyone else was together on another. Hell she probably thought I was weird when I took the picture. Maybe I jumping to conclusions, but nobody seems to see things the way I see them.

Change

I didn't take that picture because of the change machine. I took it because I was reflecting on that word. It has more than one meaning, and I want to CHANGE. I would like to be able to carry a conversation, or say how I truly feel, but I don't know how. There was only one person my entire life who ever came and sat down next to me and said hi, and I have lost her forever too. Maybe my thoughts are a little erratic right now, but my feelings aren't.

There is that saying, "You can't teach an old dog, new tricks". If that is true, than I might as well be put down, because I don't want to be alone anymore.

Everyday Life 17: Precious Life

I do a lot of thinking when left alone at work. Usually things that leave an impact in my life cause me to think about these things for weeks at a time.

I completed the Xenosaga Trilogy (video games), and towards the end, I noticed and experience something. It was something that kind of bothered me. This may sound kind of weird to you, but bear with me. I played this game, and I got to know these character's and there personalities. When they hurt I hurt. When they smiled I smiled. So towards the end of the final game in the series, my heart broke. They started killing off some of the protagonists. Okay, so they killed off two, but that still affected me.

Jin Uzuki, the brother of one of the first characters in the beginning of the game (Shion Uzuki) gave his life to protect his Allies and friends from certain death, at the hands of there enemy, the Gnosis. It was done in dramatic fashion, and it made me very sad. I thought to myself, "Why did they have to kill Jin off. "He's the hero, the hero should always come out alive".

So I went to work today, and while I was there, I started thinking about life in General. Life is supposedly more precious than gold, yet blood is being spilled like it's "Fools Gold". So many lives are being snuffed out and there isn't anything that I can do about it.

Thanksgiving is one of the holiday's that is celebrated in our home. Noticed how I didn't write about it. It's because around 2 or 3 O'clock in the morning just before Thanksgiving is supposed to start, a young man's life was taken just down the street from our home. The police lights flashing up in my window, woke me up, and the sirens screaming down our street scared the living daylights out of me. My fear pales in comparison to what that young man's family must have and will be going through. I think his memorial is still up where he died. I heard that he was going to become a rapper. I'm not big on rap, but how do we know that he wasn't going to make it better? We won't never get that chance to find out.

What gives people the right to take another's life? How can they live with themselves? A beautiful person could be standing right next to me, and then there consciousness can dissipate in an instant. If only there was a way to prevent this. If only God had planted some kind of fail safe inside people, so they would feel what there victims felt. I even felt for Saddam Hussein. I know he killed millions of people, and I know he hates the US and it's citizens, but I can't say that I would want him dead. Then again the other option isn't good either. Murder's can spend the rest of there lives locked up, but will they regret taking the life, or will they regret getting caught and spending the rest of there lives lock up? I won't pretend to know the answer. If someone close to me, like my brother was killed, I don't know how I would respond. It's just that two wrongs don't make it right.

After the deep thought:

A few minutes before I closed the desk, there were two guys out in front of the store fighting. One had friends and they tried to break it up. The lone man must have said something, because the guy with friends came flying back toward the lone man and started yelling at him. I had to make them stop, by telling them that they are at a place of business. Who knows how that would have turned out. When will end? What will it take? This is another reason why I am losing faith in humanity's survival.

When will people open there eyes, and realize that life isn't "Fools Gold"