Trying to Live

Gosh, I remember I started blogging in may of 2005 on the now defunct AOL Journals. I had a fun time meeting people through there blogs and sharing my life stories with them. Not many of them are left, and to be honest I miss them. Wish I found another way to keep in touch.

Nothing really has changed with me as of late. I am trying to interact with people more in the real world. It's quite hard for me to even say "Hi" to someone. With that said when I am at work I tend to sit with people at a table on break now. I used to just sit at a table alone, because I felt like no one would want to sit with me. Finding out now that, it isn't the case. I isolated myself out of fear, and now it's the fear that I want isolated.

Still playing a lot of Call of Duty. I finally gave in and bought a XBOX 360. I play Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 multiplayer. I'm decent at it. At least I have a positive K/D ratio. The only reason I got the XBOX, was so I could play with my co-workers. I have fun doing that, because they are good people, and they have a very good sense of humor. If anyone ever wants to join me in a party let me know, and I'll give you my gamertags.

Lately, I've been thinking that I haven't lived my life to the fullest. Stayed home away from the chaos of this world and missed out on my youth. I still haven't even gotten my first car yet! I plan on doing this, and I plan on going to Canada to see the Niagara Falls. I know their is also an American side, but I want to go to Canada. Never been to another country before. Want to experience this once in my life. This so called life has seen it's share of pain, but wants to grasp on to happiness now it that's okay with the invisible pain givers. Sometimes I wonder if I am given pain, and sorrow just to torment me, or so it can keep me grounded.  Because anytime I did something good, I always had something equally bad that followed me. You saved a woman from dying by call 911 and giving instructions over the phone...good. Oops now I give you cancer deal with it. You caught a shoplifter excellent. Now I expose your anxiety, and let people exploit it and keep you in fear. Yeah that happened to me. I didn't want to fight back so I tried to avoid it and hope it went away. It didn't, but maybe I'll save this for another day...

Like I said I want to live my life. I don't know how much longer I have here so I want to live. If there is anyone out there like me, who keeps things bottle up, Don't!!! Learn to express your feeling in some way, because if you don't you may miss out on a miracle. Something relevant to you happiness can be right there in front of you, and all you have to do is listen to your heart. I know this because my heart is speaking in volumes, but I keep it bottled up. Trying SO hard to change that right now! LOL their is this young lady I like. I told her how I felt. She rejected me and it hurt, but at least I tried this time. Live life to it's fullest. Don't let petty differences in skin color, moral opinions, and status dictate or control your life. Just don't!