Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Morale at an end

My birthday is coming up next Monday, and I...I have been thinking about my life and and "being" in general. I don't exactly know when it happened but I stopped "LIVING", and I hid away not only within "MYSELF", but inside my home also. The thought of just going outside just to BE and unwind was nothing if not terrifying. Now the number 32 is right around the corner, and I can't bear to hide inside in either way mentioned above anymore. Its starting to take its toll on my sanity and my heart not to mention my mortality.

Next week I am on vacation, and I plan on doing some things that I said I was going to do last year. This time I am going to see them through. I'm going say what I feel and maybe I will actually get some understanding. I am going do what I want, and I am not going to let any demons or anyones opinions get in my way. I am going to have some fun, even if it hurts my bank account. I am tired of having nothing but regrets. I shouldn't complain about my WHAT IFS, if I haven't tried right??

I am going to take that step out of the door, and try and enjoy my life. I have too? This isn't goodbye!!! If I don't post at all next week its a good sign. Wish me luck!

13 comments:

Two Write Hands said...

It took me a while to realize I was the only one who really cared if I failed.

You need to have fun!!

Ari said...

Good luck, dear Charles. I hope you have a ton of fun.

Ari

Jeff said...

Seize the day. It is really all you have.

Chelle said...

YAY! Yer coming to visit ME! ::snort::

My thoughts are with you... yer gonna have loads of FUN! I feel IT!

Jeff said...

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Shan said...

Let me write to you about what I think.

It's all well and good that you enjoy what you want to do. Just remember, sometimes it's better to let reality take hold and allow yourself to be within that reality 'cause somethings are just not meant to be.

You can't simply force yourself to do things you never wanted beccause you are not that type of person. So do what you enjoy and what you want to do but don't just do it for the sake of doing it since you may not attain any enjoyment but in fact pain and sorrow..

Charles said...

Its not about doing things that I don't like. Its more about doing things that I'm afraid of doing.

Like living!

Everyday inside the confines of my mind there is a constant battle between my fears and doubts, and living and dreaming.

I don't want to lose to my fears and doubts, and so I refuse to believe that my happiness isn't meant to be.

Shan said...

Buddy, that's why reality comes in. Your fears and doubts are probably in a way confirmed by some kind of evidence on a conscious and subconscious level. Acknowledge your fears and know why you fear. Once you do that, you can then think about how to overcome them and really do something realistic. Don't face the fear for the sake of facing it because that might just not work...

Think of it like this:

You walk into a room and the automatic heater is set at 27o. You open a window to cool down yet once the temp drops, the heater heats up the room temp to 27 again and you wonder why. Look at the root of your problem and find a solution.

Have a look at my posts, it reveals some of the stuff I think to deal with these situations...

Chris said...

Some times you need a good smack in the mental face to get you back to living. I expect to see NO ENTRIES this week or the lot of us is going to come up there and drag your but outside to do things!

What? What are you still doing there reading this comment? Shoo;)

Angelia Rian said...

Good luck, Charles! I'm glad you've gotten out there and are confronting your fears... It's really the only way to conquer them... And remember, sometimes the things you fear have no basis in what is real - it's just an illusion you built for yourself... The trick is getting out there, facing them, and learning to tell the difference...

E. K.(Kitty) Glendower said...

It has been almost a week. Must mean you are out there enjoying life.

Good luck.

shari said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLES!!!! :)

tfg said...

Rock on, Charles. BTW, I've determined that 32 is actually the perfect age. Old enough to know and young enough to do something about it.