Thursday, November 20, 2008

It may be too personal, but it must be said!

Last week, and this week have been pretty hard on me. I don't even know where to begin. I don't know if anyone has figured this out, but I really don't like going to doctors. I've told a number of people that I would rather die than to have surgery. Well I would like to go on the record here on my blog to recant my previous opinion on physicians. Right now I am going through something so personal and embarrassing, that it has changed many of my opinions and thoughts on life.

If you don't want to hear anything explicit stop now, because i'm about to take "personal" to a whole new level on my blog!

Last week I started feeling pain in my groin area, more specifically my testicles. The right one to be more precise. I didn't pay it much attention at first, until I the next day when it started hurting a little worse. So I got out of bed, and I (TMI) gave myself a self-examination. I noticed that my right testicle is not only larger than the left, but it's much harder than it felt before. That was last Wednesday the 12th. Thursday it wasn't feeling any better, and I decided maybe, just maybe I would call the doctor, but first I need to hear from a voice of reason to convince me, so I contacted my brother. He told me to do it just to be safe, and so Friday I did so.

I called and made an appointment. They only had one opening on Friday, but it was an hour and a half from the time I called so I couldn't make it, because I'm a bus rider. So I made my appointment for Monday.

Monday arrives, and eventually so did I. When I finally got to see a doctor, I had to undress from the waist down so she could feel and compare my testes. I think I made her mad when I told her that a previous doctor hinted at me about getting checked a couple of years back when I first started coming to that clinic. He told me about Lance Armstrong and his cancer. Like I said though it was more like a hint to me though, than a suggestion to get checked out. Anyways I don't know if I had any problems back then, but I sure do know about now. My current doctor made an appointment for me at another facility to have an ultrasound done. Its weird because I thought ultrasounds were done for only pregnant women.

Today I went to that appointment. I had some support from one of my aunts who drove me there and stayed with me until it was over. The technician that performed the ultrasound was pretty nice. First she scanned the left (normal) testis, then she scanned the right (suspect) testis. I noticed a difference in comparison. When she saw how I concerned I looked, she started talking to me. She asked me if I had ever had a song stuck in my head. I told her yes and I asked her what song was stuck in her head. She told me that a country song by a group called Zac Brown Band has this song called "Chicken Fried" out. We both laughed when she told me about how she would dance silly to the song. I guess the point of this was, I think that she was trying to distract me from monitor.

Did I mention in all of this that every person who helped me (Nurse, doctor, technician...etc.) were women. I felt kind of embarrassed. Like I needed to chest bump some guy or something.

After the ultrasound I was told that my physician would call me and give me my results. She called me four hours later, and said something no one really wants to hear. "Charles You have an abnormal lump". She then told me that she made an appointment to see a specialists and hung up with me. After I hung up with her I just stood there in front of some of my family members and I started crying.

So now your caught up with my life as it is. I don't have nothing to focus on, but the here and now. As it stands I'm not looking towards Thanksgiving, i'm not looking toward Christmas. Heck my life is in the moment right now. The constant pain, reminds me that I can only look as far as Monday, but at least I have my family to look with me.

I'm not posting this is for anybodies sympathy or pity. I know everyone cares, and I appreciate it and I thank you for it. The only reason i'm posting this is because there are a lot of men out there who may be in the same boat as me and not even know it. I'm posting this because every man out there should do a self-examination to make sure everything is A-OK and that they don't have any lumps in there testicles. The pain, the worrying, the sleepless nights...I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. In fact if I have an enemy I hope I'm helping them out. Hope I help everyone out.

Well off to bed. Aleeve is my new best friend!


Chelle said...

Charles, I love you. Period.


The Fabulous Kitty Glendower said...

But Charles, an abnormal lump does not have to mean bad, it just means abnormal, as in its a lump. It could be a lump of something that is not cancerous at all, just a lump of calcium. The body does strange things sometimes.

I’m thinking of you Charles. And keep all of your appointments, all of them.

Charles said...

Thanks Chelle that means a lot. Love you too. :)

Oh Kitty I know, i'm sorry I kind of left out the discussion I had with the tech. She told me that it could be any number of things. Anything from a cyst to a benign tumor, to some technical terms that I probably couldn't pronounce even if I remembered. Believe me I will be going to all of my appointments. The pain is too unbearable not too.

Ari said...

Oh, Charles! I had a similar experience recently. Not with testicles though... heh the opposite. But yeah, it could be nothing. I think the worst part is the not knowing.

Listen, I don't know if you still have my email or you are with AOL anymore. But if you ever need someone to listen, my email is I'm really sorry to hear this sweetie, but chin up. You don't know that anything is wrong. I miss you and you know what? You SHOULD write about these things. If anything, you have a whole support system right here! You know we'll support you.

;) Ari

Chris said...



Second, I've had the all girl work up too, but just think about all of the women in the world who have male ob/gyn doctors.

Third, I'm hoping it is something "as minor as it can be when it involves your testicle" Like you and K, discussed.

Finally, if you don't keep all your appointments, I'll drive up there and kick your butt:)

shari said...

I'm thinking about you! I will pray for you.

love, shari

Charles said...

I had surgery to remove the testicle. I'm in pain right now, but getting better daily. Won't find out if it was cancerous until December 3rd.

shari said...

I'm thinking about you and hoping everything goes well.

redsneakz said...

Charles, my brother, my thoughts and prayers are with you right now.