Meme: With your android or iphone use the t-9 trace to randomly draw a pattern and see what word you come up with and then post it on your Facebook page or blog.
My word is: vanQuish
Myth & Magic: Ireland's Fairy Tales
4 years ago
Monday, August 05, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Is it live, or is it memorex?
It had been a long while
since I had a nightmare, at least one that I can remember. The last one that I remember was frightening because in the dream I saw fire on my ceiling
and when I opened my eyes I could see it there still. Eventually it went
away, and I had plenty of theories on what could have caused it. A
ghost, a demon, overworked senses from playing video games too long, or a
very active and creative imagination. I don't have a clue what caused
it, but I still get chills when I think about that nightmare.
I have this ability to sense someone within my personal space when I'm not looking in the direction. Kind of like when I have my head down. It's not as good as it was when I was younger but I still can sense people for the most part. I'm sure their are others out there like me who can feel when someone is approaching them. I have a co-worker with the same ability. Call it a sense of awareness, call it self-preservation (call it whatever). If it wasn't for it, I would have walked into countless people by now (LOL).
Seriously though, last week I fell asleep and I can't say that this was a nightmare per say. I was sleep, and I felt this presence in my sleep. I felt it at the head of my bed. I opened my eyes in my sleep and I leaned my head back to look and I saw a shadow that wasn't a shadow. It was a person wearing a hat. He literally had NO detail. It was dark and he was darker than the darkness in my room. I couldn't make out anything noticeable but the hat on his head. I was frozen and I couldn't move, but eventually I really did wake up. When I did I opened my eyes for real and it was still there looking at me. I could feel it looking down at me. I was frightened, too frightened to even scream. So I stopped looking and closed my eyes hoping it wasn't real and eventually it disappeared. Just like the flaming vision nightmare, this dream that didn't feel like a dream at all gave and still gives me the creeps thinking about it. The weird thing about it though, I was able to blow it off and go back to sleep. Maybe it was because I was tired (who knows). I don't know if their are truly any supernatural phenomenon out there, I don't know if the human mind is really capable of creating complicated and horrible visions based on our fears and experiences. I do know that what I felt, felt real enough to make me want to sleep with the lights on tonight though.
I have this ability to sense someone within my personal space when I'm not looking in the direction. Kind of like when I have my head down. It's not as good as it was when I was younger but I still can sense people for the most part. I'm sure their are others out there like me who can feel when someone is approaching them. I have a co-worker with the same ability. Call it a sense of awareness, call it self-preservation (call it whatever). If it wasn't for it, I would have walked into countless people by now (LOL).
Seriously though, last week I fell asleep and I can't say that this was a nightmare per say. I was sleep, and I felt this presence in my sleep. I felt it at the head of my bed. I opened my eyes in my sleep and I leaned my head back to look and I saw a shadow that wasn't a shadow. It was a person wearing a hat. He literally had NO detail. It was dark and he was darker than the darkness in my room. I couldn't make out anything noticeable but the hat on his head. I was frozen and I couldn't move, but eventually I really did wake up. When I did I opened my eyes for real and it was still there looking at me. I could feel it looking down at me. I was frightened, too frightened to even scream. So I stopped looking and closed my eyes hoping it wasn't real and eventually it disappeared. Just like the flaming vision nightmare, this dream that didn't feel like a dream at all gave and still gives me the creeps thinking about it. The weird thing about it though, I was able to blow it off and go back to sleep. Maybe it was because I was tired (who knows). I don't know if their are truly any supernatural phenomenon out there, I don't know if the human mind is really capable of creating complicated and horrible visions based on our fears and experiences. I do know that what I felt, felt real enough to make me want to sleep with the lights on tonight though.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
It's Complicated!
I'm a difficult person!
Hey its my nature. I want it my way or the highway. I've grown to accept some things now better than when I was a kid. I will always be difficult though. However I prefer to use the word "Complicated". Without complexity what would our lives be like. Most of us go to work to make a living. We punch in and at the end of the day we punch out without feeling an ounce of accomplishment. A few people that work at there jobs, or "careers" find satisfaction in their work. At the end of the day there work may be hard but they feel like they've accomplished something. They want to go back to work in the morning unlike everyone else.
This is me! I don't like doing the same boring thing over and over again (I have to work though). I like to make things interesting. I bought my friend a Furby for her birthday. The day before her birthday she looked behind her and asked what was in a bag, and I told her. On her birthday I put her gift in a bag in the same spot that the other bag was in. I waited for hours to see if she would notice it until finally an opportunity presented itself. I don't remember exactly what happened, but she told me she got me. So I responded by telling her that I got her and she hadn't even realized it yet. She kept asking me what I meant until I told her to turn around and look. She looked everywhere but the place I figured she would. I asked her if she noticed anything different on the floor that wasn't there the day before. She then tells me its the bag. I ask her why don't she look in it, and she replies that she doesn't care what was inside of it. I laughed and said, "you should care". Then she grabbed her gift and realized what it was. I made it very complicated yeah, but at least I made her smile, and at least it was fun. I also tend to make my feelings vague and hinted. I've always been this way, hoping someone would pick up on it and realize what I was trying to convey. I'm growing out of the latter now, because I want to share my true thoughts.
One day I was riding with my Aunt. We were talking about video games, and somehow it became a conversation about entertainment in general. I told her that I feel that American entertainment is dumbed down. No one likes complicated stuff here unless it's about Drama, Sex, and Love. Even then that is watered down. I thought Transformers 2 was lame. They tried to mix bits and pieces from other movies into it. (Raiders of the lost Ark, the Matrix, Half Baked) I didn't like the fact that they had ignorant Black transformers in the film that were doing stupid crap. I didn't like the fact that they had a small robot hump a woman's leg for a cheap laugh.
I then told my Aunt how their is this Japanese game that was Localized to America called .Hack. It's a video game about an online video game "The World" that people play for fun. In this video game their lies a hidden threat that is putting real life players in comas and threatening to destroy the the World Wide Web, plundering chaos into the real world. I won't go into details about it but in each video game series they had a mini prequel series leading up to the game, and if you didn't see the DVD's you missed some important back-story. it wasn't necessary for key points in the game but you would miss out on some of the plot in the story and may not understand some of the things the characters were talking about from the past. I thought that it was pretty cool, because I actually watched the DVD's before I played the game and saw how the DVD's and video games brought it all together:). Even the levels of the game were complicated in a sense. First you have to pick a server, and then you have to choose words from three slots you used to pick a level. In each slot you pick one word, and then the game will take you to a field or dungeon. for example Δ(delta Server) Hidden Forbidden Holyground. It has a ton of cool features that simulate a real video game. If that's not complicated I don't know what is. I think the difficulty of it is the reason it didn't win over many people but it one me over.
I think everyone knows that I love to play video games, and that I really love to play Call of Duty online multiplayer. What everyone doesn't know is that my emblems, and Gamertag On 360 have ironic meaning. My gamertag on Xbox is "UREPITAPHIZTOLD"! The irony is that I play online multi-player games for fun, and my gamertag is based off of a video game about a video game ;) . I got the idea of the name from a video game series called .Hack. The basis of the game .Hack was from a fictional poet named Emma Wielant. The name of the poem is called "The Epitaph of Twilight". Her love interest Harold Hoerwick used the poem as a tribute in his game for his fallen love. Also there is a song on the soundtrack of .Hack//G.U. called "The Epitaph is Told"(See Gamertag name). I have two emblems in Call of Duty:Black ops 2 that were inspired from
from .Hack//G.U. One is a non player character called a Chim Chim, and the other is the Loading icon used in G.U. that have rounded lines and a dot that swirl in a clockwise/counter-clockwise fashion.
I like to think that my thought processes are a wee bit complicated but they are also a part of my charm. I have yet to find anyone who really appreciates that about me, but it's part of who I am. Someday I hope I will find someone that likes this quality in me. When that day will come I will never let her go. LOL
Hey its my nature. I want it my way or the highway. I've grown to accept some things now better than when I was a kid. I will always be difficult though. However I prefer to use the word "Complicated". Without complexity what would our lives be like. Most of us go to work to make a living. We punch in and at the end of the day we punch out without feeling an ounce of accomplishment. A few people that work at there jobs, or "careers" find satisfaction in their work. At the end of the day there work may be hard but they feel like they've accomplished something. They want to go back to work in the morning unlike everyone else.
This is me! I don't like doing the same boring thing over and over again (I have to work though). I like to make things interesting. I bought my friend a Furby for her birthday. The day before her birthday she looked behind her and asked what was in a bag, and I told her. On her birthday I put her gift in a bag in the same spot that the other bag was in. I waited for hours to see if she would notice it until finally an opportunity presented itself. I don't remember exactly what happened, but she told me she got me. So I responded by telling her that I got her and she hadn't even realized it yet. She kept asking me what I meant until I told her to turn around and look. She looked everywhere but the place I figured she would. I asked her if she noticed anything different on the floor that wasn't there the day before. She then tells me its the bag. I ask her why don't she look in it, and she replies that she doesn't care what was inside of it. I laughed and said, "you should care". Then she grabbed her gift and realized what it was. I made it very complicated yeah, but at least I made her smile, and at least it was fun. I also tend to make my feelings vague and hinted. I've always been this way, hoping someone would pick up on it and realize what I was trying to convey. I'm growing out of the latter now, because I want to share my true thoughts.
One day I was riding with my Aunt. We were talking about video games, and somehow it became a conversation about entertainment in general. I told her that I feel that American entertainment is dumbed down. No one likes complicated stuff here unless it's about Drama, Sex, and Love. Even then that is watered down. I thought Transformers 2 was lame. They tried to mix bits and pieces from other movies into it. (Raiders of the lost Ark, the Matrix, Half Baked) I didn't like the fact that they had ignorant Black transformers in the film that were doing stupid crap. I didn't like the fact that they had a small robot hump a woman's leg for a cheap laugh.
I then told my Aunt how their is this Japanese game that was Localized to America called .Hack. It's a video game about an online video game "The World" that people play for fun. In this video game their lies a hidden threat that is putting real life players in comas and threatening to destroy the the World Wide Web, plundering chaos into the real world. I won't go into details about it but in each video game series they had a mini prequel series leading up to the game, and if you didn't see the DVD's you missed some important back-story. it wasn't necessary for key points in the game but you would miss out on some of the plot in the story and may not understand some of the things the characters were talking about from the past. I thought that it was pretty cool, because I actually watched the DVD's before I played the game and saw how the DVD's and video games brought it all together:). Even the levels of the game were complicated in a sense. First you have to pick a server, and then you have to choose words from three slots you used to pick a level. In each slot you pick one word, and then the game will take you to a field or dungeon. for example Δ(delta Server) Hidden Forbidden Holyground. It has a ton of cool features that simulate a real video game. If that's not complicated I don't know what is. I think the difficulty of it is the reason it didn't win over many people but it one me over.
I think everyone knows that I love to play video games, and that I really love to play Call of Duty online multiplayer. What everyone doesn't know is that my emblems, and Gamertag On 360 have ironic meaning. My gamertag on Xbox is "UREPITAPHIZTOLD"! The irony is that I play online multi-player games for fun, and my gamertag is based off of a video game about a video game ;) . I got the idea of the name from a video game series called .Hack. The basis of the game .Hack was from a fictional poet named Emma Wielant. The name of the poem is called "The Epitaph of Twilight". Her love interest Harold Hoerwick used the poem as a tribute in his game for his fallen love. Also there is a song on the soundtrack of .Hack//G.U. called "The Epitaph is Told"(See Gamertag name). I have two emblems in Call of Duty:Black ops 2 that were inspired from
from .Hack//G.U. One is a non player character called a Chim Chim, and the other is the Loading icon used in G.U. that have rounded lines and a dot that swirl in a clockwise/counter-clockwise fashion.
I like to think that my thought processes are a wee bit complicated but they are also a part of my charm. I have yet to find anyone who really appreciates that about me, but it's part of who I am. Someday I hope I will find someone that likes this quality in me. When that day will come I will never let her go. LOL
Friday, March 08, 2013
From my stomach to yours!
I know that I have been making promises over the years that I wouldn't drink soda. Well, back in early December I started weening myself off of the sparkling goodness. Instead of buying two liters for a dollar, I'd settle for one or two 20 ounce bottles for $1.80. I know, I know your wondering why I paid for two little bottles at four bucks, when I could have just bought one big one for a $1.25. There is a method to my madness. If I had bought the two liter, most likely I would have drunken half of it when I got home and the rest the next day. I've done this countless times. So I decided that I would buy the little bottles to prevent myself from going on a binge of drinking. And every now and then I'd throw in a Snapple or a juice as my second drink. There see, I told you I had a method :).
Well last Saturday when I got off work at 10:30pm , I came home and I was going to bake a pot pie for dinner. I didn't get home until after eleven, and I had to be in at work at nine in the morning. I put the pot pie in the oven hoping it would bake, because the oven works when it wants to apparently. Unfortunately this was a night it took a break. I sat downstairs until midnight begging it cook my dinner, but it refused LOL. So I turned it off, placed my pot pie in the freezer and went to bed.
Here's where this gets a little "TMI"
That night I fell asleep, and an hour later I woke up. I wondered why at first, but then I realized that I had to "run" for the bathroom. Yeah that's right I said it. I sat on the toilet for a good thirty minutes, and spewed nothing but water (gross). When I was done I went up stairs and tried to go back to sleep. Half an hour later I had to run back. Eventually it became a re-occurring scene. I was wondering why this was happening to me all night. Then I remembered the same thing happened to me when I couldn't eat when I had chemo. I have gone nights before without eating, and this never occurred. There was one thing both occurrences had in common. I hadn't drunk soda in awhile. My body was getting rid of all of the toxins left behind from drinking soda for so long. I also lost 11 pounds in that one night. (Down to 228, from 239)
I feel much better now. While I feel tired, I don't feel dead tired like before. I felt like I was dragging the days instead of the other way around. I felt bloated, fat and uncomfortable. Now I feel much better. Also I'm reducing how much junk food I'm eating as well. Instead of buying cookies and Little Debbie snacks at work, I've been buying bananas, little bag of chips and fruit cups. also I joined Planet Fitness, because I want to get back in to shape. More on that in a future blog post. though. So if you are thinking about quitting soda, hopefully this will motivate you to do so. Much Love!!!
Well last Saturday when I got off work at 10:30pm , I came home and I was going to bake a pot pie for dinner. I didn't get home until after eleven, and I had to be in at work at nine in the morning. I put the pot pie in the oven hoping it would bake, because the oven works when it wants to apparently. Unfortunately this was a night it took a break. I sat downstairs until midnight begging it cook my dinner, but it refused LOL. So I turned it off, placed my pot pie in the freezer and went to bed.
Here's where this gets a little "TMI"
That night I fell asleep, and an hour later I woke up. I wondered why at first, but then I realized that I had to "run" for the bathroom. Yeah that's right I said it. I sat on the toilet for a good thirty minutes, and spewed nothing but water (gross). When I was done I went up stairs and tried to go back to sleep. Half an hour later I had to run back. Eventually it became a re-occurring scene. I was wondering why this was happening to me all night. Then I remembered the same thing happened to me when I couldn't eat when I had chemo. I have gone nights before without eating, and this never occurred. There was one thing both occurrences had in common. I hadn't drunk soda in awhile. My body was getting rid of all of the toxins left behind from drinking soda for so long. I also lost 11 pounds in that one night. (Down to 228, from 239)
I feel much better now. While I feel tired, I don't feel dead tired like before. I felt like I was dragging the days instead of the other way around. I felt bloated, fat and uncomfortable. Now I feel much better. Also I'm reducing how much junk food I'm eating as well. Instead of buying cookies and Little Debbie snacks at work, I've been buying bananas, little bag of chips and fruit cups. also I joined Planet Fitness, because I want to get back in to shape. More on that in a future blog post. though. So if you are thinking about quitting soda, hopefully this will motivate you to do so. Much Love!!!
Monday, May 28, 2012
Trying to Live
Gosh, I remember I started blogging in may of 2005 on the now defunct AOL Journals. I had a fun time meeting people through there blogs and sharing my life stories with them. Not many of them are left, and to be honest I miss them. Wish I found another way to keep in touch.
Nothing really has changed with me as of late. I am trying to interact with people more in the real world. It's quite hard for me to even say "Hi" to someone. With that said when I am at work I tend to sit with people at a table on break now. I used to just sit at a table alone, because I felt like no one would want to sit with me. Finding out now that, it isn't the case. I isolated myself out of fear, and now it's the fear that I want isolated.
Still playing a lot of Call of Duty. I finally gave in and bought a XBOX 360. I play Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 multiplayer. I'm decent at it. At least I have a positive K/D ratio. The only reason I got the XBOX, was so I could play with my co-workers. I have fun doing that, because they are good people, and they have a very good sense of humor. If anyone ever wants to join me in a party let me know, and I'll give you my gamertags.
Lately, I've been thinking that I haven't lived my life to the fullest. Stayed home away from the chaos of this world and missed out on my youth. I still haven't even gotten my first car yet! I plan on doing this, and I plan on going to Canada to see the Niagara Falls. I know their is also an American side, but I want to go to Canada. Never been to another country before. Want to experience this once in my life. This so called life has seen it's share of pain, but wants to grasp on to happiness now it that's okay with the invisible pain givers. Sometimes I wonder if I am given pain, and sorrow just to torment me, or so it can keep me grounded. Because anytime I did something good, I always had something equally bad that followed me. You saved a woman from dying by call 911 and giving instructions over the phone...good. Oops now I give you cancer deal with it. You caught a shoplifter excellent. Now I expose your anxiety, and let people exploit it and keep you in fear. Yeah that happened to me. I didn't want to fight back so I tried to avoid it and hope it went away. It didn't, but maybe I'll save this for another day...
Like I said I want to live my life. I don't know how much longer I have here so I want to live. If there is anyone out there like me, who keeps things bottle up, Don't!!! Learn to express your feeling in some way, because if you don't you may miss out on a miracle. Something relevant to you happiness can be right there in front of you, and all you have to do is listen to your heart. I know this because my heart is speaking in volumes, but I keep it bottled up. Trying SO hard to change that right now! LOL their is this young lady I like. I told her how I felt. She rejected me and it hurt, but at least I tried this time. Live life to it's fullest. Don't let petty differences in skin color, moral opinions, and status dictate or control your life. Just don't!
Nothing really has changed with me as of late. I am trying to interact with people more in the real world. It's quite hard for me to even say "Hi" to someone. With that said when I am at work I tend to sit with people at a table on break now. I used to just sit at a table alone, because I felt like no one would want to sit with me. Finding out now that, it isn't the case. I isolated myself out of fear, and now it's the fear that I want isolated.
Still playing a lot of Call of Duty. I finally gave in and bought a XBOX 360. I play Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 multiplayer. I'm decent at it. At least I have a positive K/D ratio. The only reason I got the XBOX, was so I could play with my co-workers. I have fun doing that, because they are good people, and they have a very good sense of humor. If anyone ever wants to join me in a party let me know, and I'll give you my gamertags.
Lately, I've been thinking that I haven't lived my life to the fullest. Stayed home away from the chaos of this world and missed out on my youth. I still haven't even gotten my first car yet! I plan on doing this, and I plan on going to Canada to see the Niagara Falls. I know their is also an American side, but I want to go to Canada. Never been to another country before. Want to experience this once in my life. This so called life has seen it's share of pain, but wants to grasp on to happiness now it that's okay with the invisible pain givers. Sometimes I wonder if I am given pain, and sorrow just to torment me, or so it can keep me grounded. Because anytime I did something good, I always had something equally bad that followed me. You saved a woman from dying by call 911 and giving instructions over the phone...good. Oops now I give you cancer deal with it. You caught a shoplifter excellent. Now I expose your anxiety, and let people exploit it and keep you in fear. Yeah that happened to me. I didn't want to fight back so I tried to avoid it and hope it went away. It didn't, but maybe I'll save this for another day...
Like I said I want to live my life. I don't know how much longer I have here so I want to live. If there is anyone out there like me, who keeps things bottle up, Don't!!! Learn to express your feeling in some way, because if you don't you may miss out on a miracle. Something relevant to you happiness can be right there in front of you, and all you have to do is listen to your heart. I know this because my heart is speaking in volumes, but I keep it bottled up. Trying SO hard to change that right now! LOL their is this young lady I like. I told her how I felt. She rejected me and it hurt, but at least I tried this time. Live life to it's fullest. Don't let petty differences in skin color, moral opinions, and status dictate or control your life. Just don't!
Saturday, May 26, 2012
If that is love...
I know some women like the bad guys. Like how they say rebellious things, and in some cases say some mean things to them. Okay I know it's kind of like rugged affection, but sometimes it can become something worse.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Expression of Words
Words
Are a common everyday occurrence
Not all words have a special meaning
My words inescapable words
Hurt so much
Not because they are hurtful
I want to share
Something so simple
A Hello
makes me cringe on the inside.
A simple goodbye
makes me want to cry
Laying in my bed
this is what I think about almost every night.
Expressing in words
Are a common everyday occurrence
Not all words have a special meaning
My words inescapable words
Hurt so much
Not because they are hurtful
I want to share
Something so simple
A Hello
makes me cringe on the inside.
A simple goodbye
makes me want to cry
Laying in my bed
this is what I think about almost every night.
Expressing in words
Friday, October 21, 2011
Escaping Reality
Yeah, it's been awhile...Again!
I haven't posted, I won't give any excuses, as I don't have any really. I've been spending my free time playing video games as of late. Not that I don't have anything better to do, because I have tons of stuff better to do. Lately, I've just been having a hard time dealing with reality. Instead of facing the struggles I've been having with myself, and low self-esteem. I've been just coming home, and staying hidden within my home. Mainly within the dark confines of my bedroom.
Work, Home, Sleep, with video gaming thrown somewhere in between. To be honest, I have a difficult time in the "real world". Social situations, life in the ghetto, No friends to speak of really. I even recently pushed some family members away, because of my battle with anxiety. The only real thing I have been enjoying is video gaming. And its not so real is it?
While I'm sitting here righting, I'm debating on whether or not to even publish this.
So many emotions, so many disappointments, and so many fears. The real reason I didn't want to post anything, is because of what I had to post...this.
Will I click "Publish Post"?
I haven't posted, I won't give any excuses, as I don't have any really. I've been spending my free time playing video games as of late. Not that I don't have anything better to do, because I have tons of stuff better to do. Lately, I've just been having a hard time dealing with reality. Instead of facing the struggles I've been having with myself, and low self-esteem. I've been just coming home, and staying hidden within my home. Mainly within the dark confines of my bedroom.
Work, Home, Sleep, with video gaming thrown somewhere in between. To be honest, I have a difficult time in the "real world". Social situations, life in the ghetto, No friends to speak of really. I even recently pushed some family members away, because of my battle with anxiety. The only real thing I have been enjoying is video gaming. And its not so real is it?
While I'm sitting here righting, I'm debating on whether or not to even publish this.
So many emotions, so many disappointments, and so many fears. The real reason I didn't want to post anything, is because of what I had to post...this.
Will I click "Publish Post"?
Friday, February 04, 2011
This one is for Trish
Sorry Trish I've been away for awhile. I know I said that I was going to blog consistently, but I had to get ready for my math course for the spring semester at the college I'm attending. Also I'm not the only one using the computer. My nephew, and my sisters are on it regularly too. I plan on getting a Laptop soon so hopefully I can blog whenever I feel like it :). Then again I also will have to pry myself from Call Of Duty: Black Ops. I've been obsessed with that game ever since I bought it. The online multi-player is awesome, aside from other players telling me I suck, or using bad language and racial slurs.
Normally I do my taxes on my own with the simple forms because well...my life is simple, but not this year. Hook me up with calculator and pen and no problem, but I sold some of my savings bonds, and I needed a little help. One exception though, I had my taxes done last year by this free tax service called C.A.S.H. I was going to do the same this year but I didn't qualify, because I sold said bonds. There was no way in H. E. Double Hockey Sticks (did I just type that???) I was going to some tax business and be charged $300 to do my taxes!!! I had felt so overwhelmed, because of it I kind of took it out on my mother when she said she would help me. Sorry about that mom, I didn't mean to. Love you (Hugs). I ended up buying Turbo Tax yesterday. Froze my A Double Snakes (yep I said it) at the busstop in waiting for the bus for like a half an hour. My furging feet (heh) were hurting so, but its okay, because in the end Turbo Tax was worth it. I got my taxes done and E-Filed, and I will have my Federal Taxes with eight days. Plus I also was able to finish my Financial Aid now that I got my taxes done. Now all I have to worry about is passing that Dang math course. Wish me luck
"This blog has been edited for explicit content." heh
Normally I do my taxes on my own with the simple forms because well...my life is simple, but not this year. Hook me up with calculator and pen and no problem, but I sold some of my savings bonds, and I needed a little help. One exception though, I had my taxes done last year by this free tax service called C.A.S.H. I was going to do the same this year but I didn't qualify, because I sold said bonds. There was no way in H. E. Double Hockey Sticks (did I just type that???) I was going to some tax business and be charged $300 to do my taxes!!! I had felt so overwhelmed, because of it I kind of took it out on my mother when she said she would help me. Sorry about that mom, I didn't mean to. Love you (Hugs). I ended up buying Turbo Tax yesterday. Froze my A Double Snakes (yep I said it) at the busstop in waiting for the bus for like a half an hour. My furging feet (heh) were hurting so, but its okay, because in the end Turbo Tax was worth it. I got my taxes done and E-Filed, and I will have my Federal Taxes with eight days. Plus I also was able to finish my Financial Aid now that I got my taxes done. Now all I have to worry about is passing that Dang math course. Wish me luck
"This blog has been edited for explicit content." heh
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Just when you think...
I went to my urologists office the other day, and it was supposed to be my last visit for a year. I was supposed to hear that, correction...I wanted to hear that everything is alright. I wanted to hear the words that I don't have to have another CT scan for a year. Instead I was told that they found an abnormality on my chest CT. He wanted me to get another CT scan in three months, but stupidly I agreed with the doctor and told him that I had not been feeling well at the time of the scan. He said I may have had a pneumonia. He moved it up to six months. Now I'm playing the waiting game again. My mother told me not to worry and not to stress, but I'm not so sure I can. I don't know if a pneumonia can last weeks, I do know that my chest hurts on the left side. It feels better than before, but it feels kind of heavy, and it hurts when I breathe. I'm not as stressed as I am scared. Its kind of ironic that now I desperately want a CT scan..
Monday, November 08, 2010
Which would you choose?
Which would you rather lose? In real life, you would have to choose one or the other. You can't choose to keep them both, and in some cases you could lose it all. Which would you choose? Would you chose to lose your vision, or your hearing?
If you chose your vision, it would mean losing your ability to see. You would lose so much more than the ability of preventing yourself from walking into things. You'd lose the ability to see your family, and friends. You'd lose the ability to see the love of your life. You wouldn't be able to see a sunset or a sunrise. There wouldn't be anymore autumn leaves. No more stars in the night sky. You'd miss seeing your children grow into adults. Seeing birds fly would be a thing of the past. Going blind we could miss seeing countless things. All you would have of these are memories stuck the same way for the rest of your life. Even then they may be come abstract because over time you could forget how they looked.
If you chose your hearing, it would mean losing your ability to hear. You would lose so much more than the ability to hear things approach you. You wouldn't be able to hear your love ones say I love you. You wouldn't be able to hear the bird calls, or a baby coo. You wouldn't be able to hear your favorite music. Waterfalls and raindrops would seem to keep falling forever with no end in sight. Even the occasional wind blowing is nice every once and awhile. I remember watching a segment on Good Morning America awhile back about a young girl who had lost her hearing in one ear from a condition, and she had to have surgery to fix a problem and it was going to cost her the hearing in her other ear. I remember them saying that she played a song over and over again because she wanted to remember it. It was an inspirational song. It was an inspirational story.
What if you didn't have either ability. Their is this book in high school I read. It is about a girl who lost both her hearing and vision at a very early age. A woman taught her words by writing letters with her fingers onto the child's hand. I never really wanted to read the book because It was a homework assignment, but now, I think I will go to borders and find the book about Helen Keller.
You never know one day you may wake up and you may have lost one of your senses. Don't take them for granted. Don't stay on the computer for hours at a time. Don't blast your music until your ears start ringing. It may not bother you now, but think fifteen years from now.
If you chose your vision, it would mean losing your ability to see. You would lose so much more than the ability of preventing yourself from walking into things. You'd lose the ability to see your family, and friends. You'd lose the ability to see the love of your life. You wouldn't be able to see a sunset or a sunrise. There wouldn't be anymore autumn leaves. No more stars in the night sky. You'd miss seeing your children grow into adults. Seeing birds fly would be a thing of the past. Going blind we could miss seeing countless things. All you would have of these are memories stuck the same way for the rest of your life. Even then they may be come abstract because over time you could forget how they looked.
If you chose your hearing, it would mean losing your ability to hear. You would lose so much more than the ability to hear things approach you. You wouldn't be able to hear your love ones say I love you. You wouldn't be able to hear the bird calls, or a baby coo. You wouldn't be able to hear your favorite music. Waterfalls and raindrops would seem to keep falling forever with no end in sight. Even the occasional wind blowing is nice every once and awhile. I remember watching a segment on Good Morning America awhile back about a young girl who had lost her hearing in one ear from a condition, and she had to have surgery to fix a problem and it was going to cost her the hearing in her other ear. I remember them saying that she played a song over and over again because she wanted to remember it. It was an inspirational song. It was an inspirational story.
What if you didn't have either ability. Their is this book in high school I read. It is about a girl who lost both her hearing and vision at a very early age. A woman taught her words by writing letters with her fingers onto the child's hand. I never really wanted to read the book because It was a homework assignment, but now, I think I will go to borders and find the book about Helen Keller.
You never know one day you may wake up and you may have lost one of your senses. Don't take them for granted. Don't stay on the computer for hours at a time. Don't blast your music until your ears start ringing. It may not bother you now, but think fifteen years from now.
Saturday, November 06, 2010
I need you!!
It's been awhile since we mingled. I saw you from a distance but had nothing to say. Every time I'd look at you I'd think I can't!!! All enthusiasm I had for you had been lost. Trying to let you in became a chore so I eventually gave up. But now because of unforeseen circumstances, I need you. I need you badly. These last few years have been challenging and I don't know what I'd do without you my blog. I'm Back!!!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
For Jeanette
If it wasn't for you Jeanette, I probably wouldn't have ever posted another blog entry again. She inspired me to do another post by leaving a comment for me. Well I have some stories (boy do I) but I'm not going to tell them at present time. This is just an update (yaaaay!?!)
Yep I'm still around. I have been poked and prodded countless times. I've drunk more of that CT contrast in the past year than plain water. I've given more blood for tests than the average person donates, but I'm cool. I'm not scared of needles anymore!!! Still though the thought of having had cancer bothered me, and left me a little depressed. Didn't feel like doing much of anything, and if it wasn't for my Step-Mom, Dad (especially DAD), Aunts and Cousins, I don't think I would have made it through it all. My nephew is four years old about to start pre-school. He is a very charismatic little boy. His smile is so infectious that he makes me smile. I may not be his favorite uncle, but He's my favorite Nephew (My only Nephew LOL). I think if he taught me anything its that I need to do things no matter how tired or sick I feel. When he wants me for something I'll get up for the most part. Not only am I lucky that he had a hand in saving my life, but I'm also very fortunate to watch him grow up to be a young man.
I must confess though Jeanette, there is another reason why (a big reason even though it may seem a little childish) I stopped blogging. While I was out from work recovering from my surgery, one of my cousins got me hooked on an online video game website called Club Pogo. I got so hooked in fact that I once spent a nearly a whole day and night on the sight playing games. In fact I made it my goal to get every weekly badge of 2009 and achieved it. Kind of like my tribute to being a cancer survivor.
Another reason I considering ending "Am I thinking that" is because I'm in the process of starting a new more positive challenge in my life. One that doesn't require me dropping my pants for a testicular and lymph node exam. I Charles W. will officially become a college student January 25th. I'm getting tired of my current job. Can't deal with the complaints, the drama, and the managers.
I need a change of pace, so I think I'd rather endure being a student, and being around a crowd of people even though I get uneasy around crowds.
I'd rather get a better paying job...a career instead of being degraded by by people who try to get away with scams, or get upset with me because they can't get there way.
I'd rather try and succeed as a student rather than cower and fail. Ever since my life threatening ordeal, I've been thinking about this. After I had an incident at work recently I acted on my need to make my life better. I've gotten my financial aid, now all I need to do is get pick my classes with the help of an adviser, and go to orientation and them I'm a college student.
Well that's what I'm up to right now. I'll be stopping by to visit anyone still around like you Jeanette.
P.S. I love spellcheck :P
Yep I'm still around. I have been poked and prodded countless times. I've drunk more of that CT contrast in the past year than plain water. I've given more blood for tests than the average person donates, but I'm cool. I'm not scared of needles anymore!!! Still though the thought of having had cancer bothered me, and left me a little depressed. Didn't feel like doing much of anything, and if it wasn't for my Step-Mom, Dad (especially DAD), Aunts and Cousins, I don't think I would have made it through it all. My nephew is four years old about to start pre-school. He is a very charismatic little boy. His smile is so infectious that he makes me smile. I may not be his favorite uncle, but He's my favorite Nephew (My only Nephew LOL). I think if he taught me anything its that I need to do things no matter how tired or sick I feel. When he wants me for something I'll get up for the most part. Not only am I lucky that he had a hand in saving my life, but I'm also very fortunate to watch him grow up to be a young man.
I must confess though Jeanette, there is another reason why (a big reason even though it may seem a little childish) I stopped blogging. While I was out from work recovering from my surgery, one of my cousins got me hooked on an online video game website called Club Pogo. I got so hooked in fact that I once spent a nearly a whole day and night on the sight playing games. In fact I made it my goal to get every weekly badge of 2009 and achieved it. Kind of like my tribute to being a cancer survivor.
Another reason I considering ending "Am I thinking that" is because I'm in the process of starting a new more positive challenge in my life. One that doesn't require me dropping my pants for a testicular and lymph node exam. I Charles W. will officially become a college student January 25th. I'm getting tired of my current job. Can't deal with the complaints, the drama, and the managers.
I need a change of pace, so I think I'd rather endure being a student, and being around a crowd of people even though I get uneasy around crowds.
I'd rather get a better paying job...a career instead of being degraded by by people who try to get away with scams, or get upset with me because they can't get there way.
I'd rather try and succeed as a student rather than cower and fail. Ever since my life threatening ordeal, I've been thinking about this. After I had an incident at work recently I acted on my need to make my life better. I've gotten my financial aid, now all I need to do is get pick my classes with the help of an adviser, and go to orientation and them I'm a college student.
Well that's what I'm up to right now. I'll be stopping by to visit anyone still around like you Jeanette.
P.S. I love spellcheck :P
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
very unstimulating day
Just got home from work and whew..., its been a long day. Today some kind of stimulus package for parents on food stamps who had children in school. Those parents got $200 a per child. I had one lady who claims she got $1000 for her kids.
When I was a kid food stamps were given out as paper money, today its done on whats called and EBT card. The cash was given to the parents on those EBT cards, and an unforeseen side-effect occurred because of this.
People with those benefit cards came to my job with one mission... to get that money off of those cards (do you see where i'm going with this???). A a customer with these cards can go to our ATM's with there cards, because they accept QWEST, and those benefit cards are QWEST cards. The only problem is that over 70% of these people had cards that had damaged magnetic strips, so they couldn't swipe them in our ATM's. So they did the next best thing. They went through our lines and bought an item (gum, candy bar, etc.), and got $50 over off there card. This however wasn't just being done at our store. This was being done at every Store in the greater Rochester area, and in turn our EFT (Electronic funds transfer) machines went offline. While this happening I was helping a customer who was trying to get her fifty dollars. I had to hand type her number in. When I did my register told me that I was offline and I couldn't complete the transaction. Funny thing though, the damn register DID process the transaction, and took $50.54 from her account. I had to call to get some help from our corporate office. Had to fill out some form and call and give them the info. It took almost an hour to get a person, and 10 minutes to finish giving them the info.
When I was finished I got a call from the assistant office manager telling me not to process anymore cash transactions from EBT cards because we were nearly depleted of money. People were coming in just for the money stimulus money.
My co-worker and I think that the whole idea of this stimulus package for school students was pointless. The parents aren't going to spend the money on there children. Lets be real here, yes some of them will, but not all of them. I had one lady buy a pack of cigarettes with her money. Someone bought a case of beer. Its very very frustrating. Governor Patterson had good intentions, but people are going to take advantage of it.
When I was a kid food stamps were given out as paper money, today its done on whats called and EBT card. The cash was given to the parents on those EBT cards, and an unforeseen side-effect occurred because of this.
People with those benefit cards came to my job with one mission... to get that money off of those cards (do you see where i'm going with this???). A a customer with these cards can go to our ATM's with there cards, because they accept QWEST, and those benefit cards are QWEST cards. The only problem is that over 70% of these people had cards that had damaged magnetic strips, so they couldn't swipe them in our ATM's. So they did the next best thing. They went through our lines and bought an item (gum, candy bar, etc.), and got $50 over off there card. This however wasn't just being done at our store. This was being done at every Store in the greater Rochester area, and in turn our EFT (Electronic funds transfer) machines went offline. While this happening I was helping a customer who was trying to get her fifty dollars. I had to hand type her number in. When I did my register told me that I was offline and I couldn't complete the transaction. Funny thing though, the damn register DID process the transaction, and took $50.54 from her account. I had to call to get some help from our corporate office. Had to fill out some form and call and give them the info. It took almost an hour to get a person, and 10 minutes to finish giving them the info.
When I was finished I got a call from the assistant office manager telling me not to process anymore cash transactions from EBT cards because we were nearly depleted of money. People were coming in just for the money stimulus money.
My co-worker and I think that the whole idea of this stimulus package for school students was pointless. The parents aren't going to spend the money on there children. Lets be real here, yes some of them will, but not all of them. I had one lady buy a pack of cigarettes with her money. Someone bought a case of beer. Its very very frustrating. Governor Patterson had good intentions, but people are going to take advantage of it.
Monday, July 20, 2009
First time ever i'd be happy....
Tomorrow the Watchmen movie will go on sale, and I was thinking about Wal-Mart's policy regarding explicit material. Back when I used to like rap, I hated this policy, because the prices on music were cheap, but the bleeps or clean alternatives were annoying.
I remember when I went to see the Watchmen, and I thought it was a pretty good movie say one exception. I didn't want to see Dr. Manhattan's "assets". Not only did the thought of seeing it gross me out, but at the same time kind of made me jealous (LMAO). Seriously though No one wants to see that. For the first time ever I think i'd be happy if something I want is edited.
I'm not the only one either! I remember after the movie, I went and sat at the busstop and this guy, that also saw the movie in the same theater as me tried to start a conversation with me. He kept saying he liked the movie, but he didn't want to see Dr. Manhattans "privacies". I totally agreed with him, but he kept saying it over and over again. When he finally realized that I was either traumatized or indiffrent toward him (the latter), he called someone on his phone and started telling them over and over. It got to the point where I thought he was either jealous of how well endowed that CGI character was or he was homophobic. The fact that he was talking really loud gave it away.
So when I get the chance i'm happily going to Wal-Mart to check and see if there is an edited version, and happily buy it if there is.
"No Blue Pipe, No Blue Pipe."
I remember when I went to see the Watchmen, and I thought it was a pretty good movie say one exception. I didn't want to see Dr. Manhattan's "assets". Not only did the thought of seeing it gross me out, but at the same time kind of made me jealous (LMAO). Seriously though No one wants to see that. For the first time ever I think i'd be happy if something I want is edited.
I'm not the only one either! I remember after the movie, I went and sat at the busstop and this guy, that also saw the movie in the same theater as me tried to start a conversation with me. He kept saying he liked the movie, but he didn't want to see Dr. Manhattans "privacies". I totally agreed with him, but he kept saying it over and over again. When he finally realized that I was either traumatized or indiffrent toward him (the latter), he called someone on his phone and started telling them over and over. It got to the point where I thought he was either jealous of how well endowed that CGI character was or he was homophobic. The fact that he was talking really loud gave it away.
So when I get the chance i'm happily going to Wal-Mart to check and see if there is an edited version, and happily buy it if there is.
"No Blue Pipe, No Blue Pipe."
Thursday, June 04, 2009
->Old<- people can be blunt!
LOL
I was at work this week and I was cashing a customers Social Security check, and she asked me how long i've been working at my job. So I tell her, "Eleven years, Since '98". The she goes on to say, "I figured as much, because when I first saw you, you hadn't lost your hair." So now because of another older person, I now want to either get hair restoration or a tupee. Or find a way to go completely bald. LMAO
The other customer, well I put on some weight over the years, and he noticed and called me fat.
I was at work this week and I was cashing a customers Social Security check, and she asked me how long i've been working at my job. So I tell her, "Eleven years, Since '98". The she goes on to say, "I figured as much, because when I first saw you, you hadn't lost your hair." So now because of another older person, I now want to either get hair restoration or a tupee. Or find a way to go completely bald. LMAO
The other customer, well I put on some weight over the years, and he noticed and called me fat.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Someday (Soon I hope)
You came to my job... it made me so happy...
Looking so beautiful in that white dress. We sat down on a bench outside and held hands. It felt so nice and so right. Never had this feeling before. This closeness, it felt so right and so nice. When I looked into your eyes I knew I just wanted to stay there forever. We cuddled and something felt wrong, like I was being pulled away. I didn't want to go, but I had no choice. It felt so real that day, and now I can't let go. I woke up from that dream and hurt a little, but at least it was a happy one. Someday I hope it just seems like a dream...
Love... the Miracle
Looking so beautiful in that white dress. We sat down on a bench outside and held hands. It felt so nice and so right. Never had this feeling before. This closeness, it felt so right and so nice. When I looked into your eyes I knew I just wanted to stay there forever. We cuddled and something felt wrong, like I was being pulled away. I didn't want to go, but I had no choice. It felt so real that day, and now I can't let go. I woke up from that dream and hurt a little, but at least it was a happy one. Someday I hope it just seems like a dream...
Love... the Miracle
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Rule #4 Accept that there are things you can't control
Ever since the testicular cancer my eyes have been open to some things that over the years I've refused to accept, because I thought I was above them.
I thought I could continue to eat and drink all of my favorite junk foods without any repercussions.
I thought that i'd never get a serious illness or disorder of any kind.
I thought I could survive without letting others in.
I thought I'd never have to go see a doctor about anything.
Its funny, it when I went to see the movie "Knowing" with Nicholas Cage it was the catalyst that made me realize that I had about as much control over the growth in my right testicle, as I do with my involuntary bodily functions. Heck, there are times where I can barely put one foot in front of the other without tripping over them. At the end of that film it made me realize that everyone will die. My time can come a years from now, days from now, or even while i'm typing this post. When it happens I won't have no control of it. I may not even have time to accept it, so I guess I have to learn to accept that it will eventually come. I have to accept that there are some things I just can't control.
Sure we find ways to cope, like eating too much. Escaping the world by listening to music real loud. I once read an article about domestic violence that said that abusive men hit there women, because they have no control over there lives. I watched a man do this to my mom when I was a child and I couldn't do nothing to stop it, and in some sense even though it has stopped for nearly 15 years, I'm still paying for his mistakes. Its hard for me to let a woman into my life. I want to fall in love, its just sometimes i'm afraid that I will end up like him and abuse the love of my life. I wouldn't want to do that, I wouldn't want to be that. I would kill myself before I let it happen, but whose to say that I would even have control of it. I constantly have to remind myself that i'm not him and that I wasn't responsible for his actions. It wasn't my fault that he hit my mom and I couldn't protect her because I was only a child. I have to accept that I couldn't control there decisions. Her decision to stay with him, and his for beating on her.
Now if I can only eat those grapes instead of that cake.
I thought I could continue to eat and drink all of my favorite junk foods without any repercussions.
I thought that i'd never get a serious illness or disorder of any kind.
I thought I could survive without letting others in.
I thought I'd never have to go see a doctor about anything.
Its funny, it when I went to see the movie "Knowing" with Nicholas Cage it was the catalyst that made me realize that I had about as much control over the growth in my right testicle, as I do with my involuntary bodily functions. Heck, there are times where I can barely put one foot in front of the other without tripping over them. At the end of that film it made me realize that everyone will die. My time can come a years from now, days from now, or even while i'm typing this post. When it happens I won't have no control of it. I may not even have time to accept it, so I guess I have to learn to accept that it will eventually come. I have to accept that there are some things I just can't control.
Sure we find ways to cope, like eating too much. Escaping the world by listening to music real loud. I once read an article about domestic violence that said that abusive men hit there women, because they have no control over there lives. I watched a man do this to my mom when I was a child and I couldn't do nothing to stop it, and in some sense even though it has stopped for nearly 15 years, I'm still paying for his mistakes. Its hard for me to let a woman into my life. I want to fall in love, its just sometimes i'm afraid that I will end up like him and abuse the love of my life. I wouldn't want to do that, I wouldn't want to be that. I would kill myself before I let it happen, but whose to say that I would even have control of it. I constantly have to remind myself that i'm not him and that I wasn't responsible for his actions. It wasn't my fault that he hit my mom and I couldn't protect her because I was only a child. I have to accept that I couldn't control there decisions. Her decision to stay with him, and his for beating on her.
Now if I can only eat those grapes instead of that cake.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
I'm alright for the most part!
I just wanted to post and say that i'm fine!
I made it through the chemotherapy in one piece. I had a few side-effects. Most of it was indigestion. It felt like gas was going to burst out of my mouth. Then there was the toxic feeling. I mean I felt like a toxic waste dump. Only way I can explain it. Sometimes I would (still do) wake up with this weird taste in my mouth. I also had some nausea, and I would have threw up once...well at least I would have, if i had food in my stomach. I did go through the motion of throwing up, but I hadn't ate anything the night before. When I did eat I could only eat a little. Couldn't stomach more that bite fulls at a time. Funny thing was that I was really hungry. Then there was the lack of sleep. The first night I wasn't going to sleep because of these five blue pills that were given to me. Some kind of stimulant that could possibly have me bouncing off of the walls. Instead they kept me up all night. Didn't get any sleep for three days. I cried cause I was so tired and so weak. The fourth day after my chemo treatment, I called into work, because I was so tired, and because that was the day I puked up nothing. And this folks was from one dose of chemo. One potent dose yes, but one dose!
I remember one day I started out trying to walk to work and I made it to a bus stop as a bus was coming and I decided to catch it, because I felt winded. Then when walked to work from a bus stop that was maybe 1000 feet from my job I got winded again. When I walked inside I was so tired. I walked up to the service desk to say hi, and I ended up plopping my head on the counter top. I think my manager and her assistant both thought I walked to work from home, but I didn't at all that week.
As for the testicular cancer its gone, well at least thats what half of the test says (LOL). When my oncologist had a AFP test taken, he found that I had tested positive for both types of testicular cancer (Seminoma and Non-Seminoma). The tumor that was removed was seminoma. Yet after the surgery and these last few months, i've still been testing positive for the Non-Seminoma type. They don't know why I have that tumor marker in my blood, because I don't have any other tumors in my body from the looks of the Cat Scans and X-rays. I guess all they know is that its rare, and that my oncologist only have two patients with this condition. The doctor at Urology office told me that he only see one patient a year with this reading. I guess I was the one patient last year (LOL). My Urologists said that for whatever reason having that blood marker is normal for me.
I guess i'm fine for the most part. I won't lie. I'm a pretty much down right now. I bought Resident Evil Five for my Playstation 3, and I don't even feel like playing it. Heck the only thing I really feel like doing at all is playing club pogo, and chilling with my family. I missed out on alot, didn't see my cousins grow into young men and women. I Kind of regret that. I wish I could make up to them, especially since they gave me support during my bout with testicular cancer.
I made it through the chemotherapy in one piece. I had a few side-effects. Most of it was indigestion. It felt like gas was going to burst out of my mouth. Then there was the toxic feeling. I mean I felt like a toxic waste dump. Only way I can explain it. Sometimes I would (still do) wake up with this weird taste in my mouth. I also had some nausea, and I would have threw up once...well at least I would have, if i had food in my stomach. I did go through the motion of throwing up, but I hadn't ate anything the night before. When I did eat I could only eat a little. Couldn't stomach more that bite fulls at a time. Funny thing was that I was really hungry. Then there was the lack of sleep. The first night I wasn't going to sleep because of these five blue pills that were given to me. Some kind of stimulant that could possibly have me bouncing off of the walls. Instead they kept me up all night. Didn't get any sleep for three days. I cried cause I was so tired and so weak. The fourth day after my chemo treatment, I called into work, because I was so tired, and because that was the day I puked up nothing. And this folks was from one dose of chemo. One potent dose yes, but one dose!
I remember one day I started out trying to walk to work and I made it to a bus stop as a bus was coming and I decided to catch it, because I felt winded. Then when walked to work from a bus stop that was maybe 1000 feet from my job I got winded again. When I walked inside I was so tired. I walked up to the service desk to say hi, and I ended up plopping my head on the counter top. I think my manager and her assistant both thought I walked to work from home, but I didn't at all that week.
As for the testicular cancer its gone, well at least thats what half of the test says (LOL). When my oncologist had a AFP test taken, he found that I had tested positive for both types of testicular cancer (Seminoma and Non-Seminoma). The tumor that was removed was seminoma. Yet after the surgery and these last few months, i've still been testing positive for the Non-Seminoma type. They don't know why I have that tumor marker in my blood, because I don't have any other tumors in my body from the looks of the Cat Scans and X-rays. I guess all they know is that its rare, and that my oncologist only have two patients with this condition. The doctor at Urology office told me that he only see one patient a year with this reading. I guess I was the one patient last year (LOL). My Urologists said that for whatever reason having that blood marker is normal for me.
I guess i'm fine for the most part. I won't lie. I'm a pretty much down right now. I bought Resident Evil Five for my Playstation 3, and I don't even feel like playing it. Heck the only thing I really feel like doing at all is playing club pogo, and chilling with my family. I missed out on alot, didn't see my cousins grow into young men and women. I Kind of regret that. I wish I could make up to them, especially since they gave me support during my bout with testicular cancer.
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